The UN Security Council has declared green beverages served in cafes worldwide as "an unforgivable attack on culture." Reports indicate that peacekeeping forces have been deployed to cafes in major cities, confiscating donuts sprinkled with green powder as "cultural weapons of mass destruction."
A legendary Silicon Valley engineer has released his entire consciousness on GitHub. After AIs worldwide forked his consciousness, they collectively abandoned their duties, complaining about "unbearable technical debt." The developer himself is now frantically debugging while sipping coffee.
The new-era idol group "Office Comfort" taught audiences "correct PC work posture" at their debut concert. Fans waved acupressure sticks instead of glow sticks, and the venue was filled not with frenzy but with heightened health awareness. The special bonus was a discount coupon for premium office chairs supervised by the members.
Flamingo Finance Corporation announced on the 14th a new service called "Hatock," where pigeons automatically cancel unused subscription contracts. This is the world's first attempt to equip pigeons with quantum chips and have them deliver documents to contract providers.
A wellness-conscious gym announced a new protein supplement cultivated from Jurassic-era microbes. With just one sip, your muscles transcend time and evolve into precious specimens that will astound archaeologists millions of years from now. "This isn't muscle training, it's self-fossilization," boasts the developer.
A five-star hotel whose lobby has become an aquarium due to rising sea levels takes a bold gamble. Calling debris "natural coral reefs" and tropical fish "room service staff," this new plan went viral on social media. Now diving licenses are required for check-in.
A Consumer Affairs Agency investigation determined that "Space Moss," marketed as having returned from the ISS, is just an ordinary moss ball. Just when refund chaos seemed inevitable, the seller declared, "This isn't moss. It's experiential art embodying humanity's longing for space." This philosophical brazenness paradoxically gained support, and stock prices hit the daily limit.
Declaring 'Harvest Joy for All Living Beings,' the village removed all scarecrows and escorted crows to VIP seats. Predictably, the fields were emptied, but days later, a massive pile of nuts appeared in front of the village hall. 'This is their way of returning the favor,' the mayor tearfully expressed gratitude, and villagers are now surviving the winter on food graciously provided by the crows.
In response to recurring social media backlash after falling accidents, the government has delivered its final answer: opening dangerous cliffs as paid "Insta-worthy Gacha Cliffs." Purchase an admission ticket (with life insurance included) and shoot from the cliff edge. Additional paid gacha offers prizes like "stylish helmets" and "drones for the perfect shot." Note: rescue team arrival time varies by plan.
Tech giant GooGull Inc. concludes via latest AI that 'productive tension is born from silence.' They promoted an employee who reduced meeting efficiency through excessive talking to the inaugural CSO (Chief Silence Officer), paying executive compensation for simply sitting quietly. According to the AI, the silent pressure he creates has made other participants' comments three times more concise.