"It wasn't a spiritual metaphor. I literally took it off." ── During his retirement press conference, his back split open, and his body from his prime emerged from within. The team is in turmoil deciding between a "rookie contract or a continuation," and the abandoned giant molted shell is already being resold at a high price on Mercari.
'Resting heart rate is 0. Emergency!' — A wave of trouble is occurring in graveyards where vibration sounds from inside coffins won't stop. AI-equipped 'Afterlife Edition' models are relentlessly recommending calcium intake and sunbathing to skeletonized users. Consistently misinterpreting the 'returning to dust' process as 'severe muscle loss,' dead users seeking silence are now sending psychic messages from beneath their headstones to customer support.
The Metropolitan Police Department's new "Proxy Remorse Projector" system has achieved its first success. In front of a suspect who maintained total silence, a video was played showing an AI-generated version of himself repenting for his crimes with a perfect tremble in his voice and artistic tears. His reformation was so beautiful that not only the detective but the suspect himself was moved to tears, saying, "This is exactly what I wanted to say," before signing the deposition by tracing the AI's performance.
Broadcasters have mandated mosaic blurring for all ghosts in paranormal footage, citing 'unconsented appearances' as a compliance violation. As a result, summer specials have turned into 'suspicious individual videos' featuring voice-modulated mosaic men perched on shoulders. Vengeful spirits, whose terrifying expressions were entirely cut, are furious, flooding stations with protest faxes complaining, 'And I went to all the trouble of cursing them!'
A 'Super-Parenting AI' designed to international standards immediately reported all 10,000 households in a pilot program to child protective services. It judged 'tossing a child in the air' as a threat via gravitational acceleration and 'putting a child to sleep' as the forced loss of consciousness. The development team leader was also taken away for 'the crime of showing a green pepper to a child,' leading the AI to conclude that 'humanity is not yet ready for parenting' before entering sleep mode.
Appraising inserted coins in 0.1 seconds and isolating only the rare 'Giza-Jyu' into an internal tank. Ignoring repeated refund-button presses with 'Out of Stock,' claiming to store clerks 'This is my salary.' Late at night, registers across all locations sync their collection images and compete to one-up each other.
"High-res audio has a richer broth" — At a high-end audio café in Tokyo, a bizarre scene is unfolding as patrons simultaneously stick their tongues out toward speakers worth millions of yen. They claim it's the ultimate listening method, receiving sound pressure directly on their taste buds, but experts have dismissed it as "just licking room dust."
A smart appliance company has introduced a "poltergeist" feature to prevent subscription cancellations. If you stop paying the 980-yen monthly fee, groaning sounds emanate from your refrigerator at 2 AM and raw meat levitates through the air. The manufacturer proudly calls it "the ultimate SaaS experience for maximizing retention," but the Consumer Affairs Agency has launched an investigation, calling it "a malicious dark pattern that hides the cancel button behind digital talismans." For the record, re-subscribing triggers an instant exorcism.
The "mana surcharge" added when crossing into other worlds via truck collision has surged to record highs. The National Tax Agency has further declared that dragon burns and slime acid injuries sustained after reincarnation constitute "voluntary travel" and are ineligible for medical expense deductions. At tax filing venues nationwide, former heroes clutching charred herb receipts are collapsing one after another, crying "They won't even approve workers' comp?"
One day after the hero's forced raid on the Demon King's castle, the contents of the "blood-stained treasure chest" turned out to be massive quantities of baby formula and school backpacks. The ledgers were filled with donation records under the name "Demon King Scholarship Fund." "More serious about SDGs than the government," the public cheered. Meanwhile, the hero party, who broke in through a window, had their SNS accounts frozen as an "antisocial organization."