Muscle Arena

"Muscle Repair": Pressing Swollen Smartphones with Pectorals Leads to Liquid Damage Tragedy

"Muscle Repair": Pressing Swollen Smartphones with Pectorals Leads to Liquid Damage Tragedy

A surge in unofficial "Muscle Repair" is occurring, where smartphones with detached screens are fixed by clamping them between well-trained pectoral muscles. This craftsmanship uses pressure exceeding a vise to perfectly close gaps, with protein powder kneaded in as a substitute for adhesive. While the finish looks brand new, taking it to an official store results in a liquid damage verdict due to "macho sweat," permanently voiding the warranty.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
AI Says 'Bipedal Locomotion Impossible With This Muscle Mass': 10,000 Marathon Participants Placed Under Emergency Protection as 'Unknown Soft-Bodied Creatures'

AI Says 'Bipedal Locomotion Impossible With This Muscle Mass': 10,000 Marathon Participants Placed Under Emergency Protection as 'Unknown Soft-Bodied Creatures'

An AI skeletal scanning system introduced at a citizen marathon determined that participants' catastrophic lack of exercise was an emergency condition. Concluding that 'it is physically impossible to stand upright with this level of muscle deterioration,' the AI placed 10,000 runners under emergency protective custody before the race even began. Office workers being carried away on stretchers in the latest thick-soled carbon running shoes tearfully insisted they were human, saying 'We just came back from remote work.'

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
'Protein Is Prescription Medicine' — Tax Office Rejects Deductions, Furious Bodybuilders Blockade Counter with Silent 'Side Chest' Pose

'Protein Is Prescription Medicine' — Tax Office Rejects Deductions, Furious Bodybuilders Blockade Counter with Silent 'Side Chest' Pose

'Protein is medicine for the soul.' At tax return counters across Japan, men clutch fistfuls of receipts. The tax office has rejected every single medical expense deduction claim, ruling that 'excessive muscle hypertrophy falls outside medical treatment.' Enraged bodybuilders have surrounded counters nationwide, launching a silent 'Side Chest' protest. Staff are in tears, saying 'it's not the intimidation that's unbearable — it's the baby oil smell.'

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
Protein Thief Identified by DNA Test as 'Himself.' Fear of Muscle Breakdown Drove Unconscious Late-Night Shakes

Protein Thief Identified by DNA Test as 'Himself.' Fear of Muscle Breakdown Drove Unconscious Late-Night Shakes

'Someone keeps stealing my powder.' After a furious bodybuilder's complaint, the gym ran a DNA test on his shaker — and the saliva belonged entirely to the victim himself. His terror of overnight muscle catabolism was so extreme that even while his brain slept, his muscles rose on their own to mix and chug protein in the dead of night. A fingerprint-locked protein vault is now flying off the shelves to prevent this 'muscular mutiny.'

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
"Breathing Is the Worst Cost-Performance Ratio" — "Hibernation Exercise" That Stops Basal Metabolism Goes Viral, Practitioners Now Listed as Endangered Species

"Breathing Is the Worst Cost-Performance Ratio" — "Hibernation Exercise" That Stops Basal Metabolism Goes Viral, Practitioners Now Listed as Endangered Species

"Breathing makes you hungry and has the worst cost-performance ratio" — driven by retirement anxiety, a "Zero Basal Metabolism Exercise" designed to slash calorie consumption has taken SNS by storm. Young people suppressing their breathing and lying motionless like moss in the corners of their rooms have surged in number. What was meant to be the ultimate money-saving hack by minimizing food costs backfired when the Ministry of the Environment classified them as an endangered species after observing their declining vital signs. Ironically, the government's generous protection program has completely eliminated their retirement worries.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
Nuclear Fusion Confirmed During Sumo Training Bout, Sumo Stable Registers as New Power Company

Nuclear Fusion Confirmed During Sumo Training Bout, Sumo Stable Registers as New Power Company

The head coach's fiery instruction to 'charge into his chest' has finally crossed the critical threshold. A violent butsukari-geiko session between lower-division wrestlers generated 3 megawatts of clean energy per second, prompting the government to certify the sumo stable as a baseload power source. As scientists in white lab coats now monitor instruments while wearing mawashi loincloths, the head coach declared, 'This tournament, our goal isn't a winning record — it's preventing blackouts in Tokyo.'

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
"Lifting Speed Too Fast to Feel the Burn" — Stranded Bodybuilder Complains to Rescue Crew

"Lifting Speed Too Fast to Feel the Burn" — Stranded Bodybuilder Complains to Rescue Crew

After drifting for 48 hours, the man became enraged during helicopter hoist extraction, screaming that "the load is dropping off." He attempted to reverse-climb the wire back toward the ocean surface, delaying his rescue by 30 minutes. "Compared to the terror of catabolism, sharks are merely cardio partners," he stated. He is currently in custody, refusing to speak about anything except protein.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
Fishing Co-op Sinks Bodybuilders in Ocean to Extract "Broth." Scallops Pump Up and Destroy Nets

Fishing Co-op Sinks Bodybuilders in Ocean to Extract "Broth." Scallops Pump Up and Destroy Nets

Fifty bronzed bodybuilders were submerged in a sea plagued by plummeting fish catches. The goal: extracting "macho broth" from amino acids seeping through their pores. The ethics committee approved the plan, stating "environmental impact is zero because they ate kelp beforehand." As a result, nearby scallops that absorbed the broth exhibited abnormal pump-ups, and fishermen are crying out that "they're so powerful they rip through our nets."

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
Gold Medalist's Lips Rise 2mm, Instantly Stripped of Medal — Award Ceremonies Now a Ritual of Pure Void

Gold Medalist's Lips Rise 2mm, Instantly Stripped of Medal — Award Ceremonies Now a Ritual of Pure Void

Under new regulations declaring 'a winner's smile is violence against the loser,' all emotional expression on the podium has been banned. Cutting-edge AI detects even 'micro-vibrations of joy,' and athletes who fist-pump are escorted away on the spot. National teams have halted physical training, instead pouring their entire budgets into hiring high monks to teach 'ego-annihilation' techniques.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
Shock in the Selfie Community: 'Class 1 Tank Top License' Revoked due to Shiny Biceps Blinding Oncoming Traffic

Shock in the Selfie Community: 'Class 1 Tank Top License' Revoked due to Shiny Biceps Blinding Oncoming Traffic

"The desire for recognition has exceeded the legal limit." On the 8th, authorities issued an administrative order banning the influencer in question from exposing his upper arms on public roads. This was due to incidents where his pumped-up veins were mistaken for road maps, causing Uber Eats delivery workers to get lost. He will now be required to wear long sleeves as a corrective measure and is prohibited from possessing mirrors.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena