Tinnitus Confused with 'Deposit Notifications': Investors Face Taxation on Auditory Hallucinations

On the afternoon of the 27th, the study room of a central library, which boasts some of the deepest silence in Tokyo, was enveloped in a bizarre feverish heat. Dozens of men and women facing their PCs suddenly began to tremble, staring into space and shouting, "It’s coming! It’s coming!" and "The hash rate is peaking right now!" What they were listening to was not a market alert sound, nor was it top-secret insider information. It was a pathological high-frequency noise emanating from their own inner ears—namely, "tinnitus."

Behind this strange phenomenon lies the "Neural-Mining" theory, a rumor that has spread rapidly across social media. It is a theory devoid of any scientific basis, claiming that "human auditory nerves function as blockchain nodes, and tinnitus is the deposit notification sound when a transaction is completed." Investors who fell for this theory misinterpret auditory damage from stress and loud noises as a "rush of remittances to their brain-wallets." Deluded into thinking that the louder the ringing in their ears, the more they are "earning," they are reportedly working late-night desk jobs and overconsuming caffeine in pursuit of higher-stress environments.

The Japanese Oto-Rhino-Laryngological Society issued an urgent statement warning, "That is not an increase in assets; it is a loss of hearing." However, clinics in Tokyo are experiencing frequent altercations where patients, confronted by doctors attempting to diagnose sudden sensorineural hearing loss, demand, "Are you trying to shut down my mining machine?" One patient went so far as to call the symptom improvement from steroid treatment a "loss cut" (opportunity loss), refusing to pay for the medical treatment and demanding "compensation" instead.

To complicate matters, tax authorities have responded with a rather off-the-wall interpretation. According to some reports, the National Tax Agency has begun considering an interpretation that as long as the investors themselves perceive that they are "making a profit," the auditory hallucinations can be subject to taxation. When news leaked of a policy to tax these non-existent profits as "deemed auditory miscellaneous income," investors instantly panicked. Now, an ironic situation has emerged where every time they hear a "ringing," they are terrified, wondering, "Do I need to file a tax return for this?" and trembling at what is now the "sound of tax evasion."

Even so, the passion of the believers remains unabated. To shut out real-world noise (such as advice from family or warnings from doctors), they have begun wearing state-of-the-art noise-canceling headphones at all times. Completely blocking external sounds, they listen only to the destructive high-pitched tones echoing from within themselves, wearing expressions of sheer ecstasy. One investor remarked: "The quieter the world gets, the louder my assets grow. This tinnitus is the symphony of capitalism."

In a quiet room, fanatically excited by sounds that shouldn’t be heard and facing taxation on non-existent profits, their figure is the very caricature of a modern economy driven by empty numbers.

Stakeholder Comments

• Investor (30s Male): "Last night was incredible. When the ringing in my left ear went over 4000 Hz, I’m pretty sure I became a paper billionaire. I still don’t know how to cash out, though."
• Otolaryngologist: "When I showed him his audiometry chart and said, ‘It’s sloping downward (hearing loss),’ he replied, ‘If you flip it upside down, it’s sloping upward (stock price rise).’ There is no helping him."
• National Tax Agency Official: "Even if it is subjective gain, if the individual feels they are profiting, there is room to deem that they have the capacity to pay tax. Auditory hallucinations deserve an auditory hallucination tax rate."
• Headphone Manufacturer Spokesperson: "We never imagined our noise-canceling technology would be used to focus on internal noise. We have mixed feelings, but sales are strong."
• Self-proclaimed Internet Guru: "Tinnitus is a synchronization signal with the cosmic blockchain. Feeling dizzy is just because the login process to the metaverse is heavy."
• Investor (50s Female): "I can’t hear my husband’s voice anymore, but the deposit notification (tinnitus) is always by my side. Is there any greater happiness?"
• Chiropractor: "When I massaged their neck stiffness and stopped their tinnitus, they sued me for business obstruction."
• AI Assistant: "Based on the user’s search history, we recommend high-leverage forex accounts instead of expensive hearing aids."
• Apartment Neighbor: "I wish they’d stop shouting ‘Yes! It’s in!’ at the wall. It’s making my own ears hurt."
• Tinnitus (Personified): "I’m just a cry for help from your ears, but it’s hard to fade away when I’m welcomed this warmly."

International Expressions

Haiku

• Deep in the ears / The high-pitched ringing resounds / The sound of money
• Blocking doctor’s words / What I choose to listen to / Is the sound of greed
• Taxing hallucinations / Snatched away by force / The spring breeze
• In deep silence / A billionaire in his head / Shower of cicadas
• Ruptured eardrums / Laughing as assets multiply / In his own mind
• High-pitched ringing / Tax return deadline looms / In the dark of night
• Trading one’s hearing / In exchange for nothing but / Virtual money
• With noise-canceling / Shutting out the mortal world / Sound of deposit
• Spring melancholy / A silent ear today / Time to cut losses?
• Refusing treatment / To protect their assets / Listening to noise

Kanji / Chinese Characters

Persistent High-Frequency Sound Cryptocurrency Sync Signal Misidentification Silent Library Collective Rejoicing Medical Team Treatment Recommendation Rejection Asset Increase Sound Insistence Continuous Real-world Sound Exclusion

Emoji

👂🎶➡️💰🚀🤑🏥🙅‍♂️🎧🔇📉💸🏛️👮‍♂️

Onomatopoeia

Ringgg, ringgg! Clink? No, beeeeeep. Chatter, chatter… silence. Thump, thump (high blood pressure). Rip! (Sound of tearing the diagnosis report). Slam! (Shutting out reality).

SNS

• #NeuralMining
• My ears won’t stop ringing = proof I’m a winner
• Got blasted with loud music at yesterday’s concert, today’s earnings are insane lol
• #ListenToEarn
• Doctor is trying to fix my mining rig (ears). Considering legal action.
• Tinnitus tax makes no sense, is the government trying to exploit what’s inside our brains?
• The quieter the place, the more you earn. Libraries are the best mining spots.
• It’s not sudden hearing loss, it’s sudden wealth.
• The high-pitched ring is faint… is it a crash?
• Someone tell me how to cash out tinnitus