For households plagued by dropped connections, a telecommunications equipment manufacturer has unveiled a new feature: 'Router Praise-Learning.' The system reportedly uses AI to prioritize bandwidth allocation for users who clap in front of the router's LEDs and call it a 'genius.' Some users have already remarked, 'I ended up turning on my corporate salesperson charm before the connection even worked.'
The city hall announced a new service that compensates for administrative blunders: '10x points if personal data is leaked.' With 'apology coupons' raining into mailboxes, residents are starting to hope for data leaks to support their household budgets. The mayor proudly claims that 'trust can also be turned into miles,' but a screen to check the balance is nowhere to be found.
A new menu that generates electricity from stomach acid has debuted for elite professionals who grudge even the time spent eating. For three hours after the meal, their eyes glow like high beams, enabling overtime work without office lighting. While highly convenient, a growing number of cases have been reported at airport security checkpoints where passengers themselves are treated as "hazardous materials."
As a last resort to ease congestion, railway companies have established the 'Commuter Dojo.' The battle at the doors requires keirin cycling line tactics, while moving deeper inside requires street dance body isolation. Yesterday, an assistant instructor-class office worker endured a sudden stop using nothing but core strength without holding onto any straps. Meanwhile, unranked ordinary passengers are voicing despair: 'It's just a physics engine bug' and 'There's no space to board.'
On the 11th, an established deli in a Tokyo shopping street introduced a 'fat tariff' to 'prevent lipid influx into the body at the border,' mandating a tax in kind of 50 squats per piece of fried chicken. Those who fail to pay or carry mayonnaise are labeled 'cholesterol smugglers' and are being deported to the salad bar of an adjacent cafe.
A kit designed to let users safely experience deadline-induced palpitations and caffeine overdoses. In response to expanding services, updates now include a VR instructor delivering soul-crushing remarks like 'you have no talent' and a feature that deletes unsaved data. Bored salarymen seeking escape from peaceful lives bought it in droves, but due to incorrect realism settings, half of the users are now plagued by hallucinations of student loan repayment notices in their everyday life.
"Labor is the ultimate entertainment." Elderly customers are flooding in, paying admission fees to bid on 30-minute shifts at a convenience store cash register. The "unreasonable complaint handling" option is the most popular, and the situation has escalated to the point where actual 'black companies' have filed a complaint with the Fair Trade Commission, claiming that their 'customers' have been stolen.
It was discovered that a 'bio-projection function'—which shines LEDs on bacteria inside the water tank to disperse them—was unintentionally built into the product. Although shared widely on social media as 'looking like a cosmic nebula,' the manufacturer apologized, calling it 'simply a lack of cleaning.' However, users are refusing to clean their devices, calling the mist 'so mystical it makes you cough,' sacrificing their lungs in the pursuit of the perfect social media post.
The standby station for the 'Snack Prevention Drone' occupies 90% of the interior, leaving only enough space for a single juice box. When users try to add groceries, a voice announces 'No storage space available. Please delete unnecessary vegetables,' and the items are forcibly ejected. Experts see this as an 'intentional design' to push users to pay for premium models.
Ingredient-free from day one. A transparent ring sparkles in the center of white rice, as chopsticks grasp at the wind. The store emphasizes 'lightness and eco-friendliness' while keeping the price unchanged. At the register, 'hole-filling points' were added. Stomachs remain unsupported.