Ham Vanishes from Department Stores: 'Paulownia-Boxed High-Octane' Reigns as Year-End Gift King

The long-established “Oedo Department Store” in Nihonbashi has seen the disappearance of aged loin ham, a traditional year-end staple, from its basement food hall. Taking its place in the prime showcase real estate are crystal bottles filled with a shimmering golden liquid. Due to the historic surge in crude oil prices, the store has introduced the “Special Selection Paulownia-Boxed High-Octane Assortment (100 Octane)” as the centerpiece of this year’s year-end gift season. What used to be the tasting corner has been renovated into a “Tasting Gas Station,” where shoppers apply a single drop to the back of their hands with a dropper and blissfully enjoy the volatile aroma.

“Ham and beer are a thing of the past. If you truly want to convey gratitude today, energy resources are the only choice.” Manager Aburai, in charge of gifts at Oedo Department Store, speaks with intense enthusiasm. The most popular item is “Kiwami Nozzle,” a masterpiece said to be crude oil extracted from oil fields favored by the Saudi Arabian royal family and “triple-refined” in a location known for one of the top 100 water sources. Priced at over 30,000 yen for 500ml—more than double last year’s luxury ham sets—it is reportedly flying off the shelves. “The ultimate status symbol is when the recipient feels humbled, thinking, ‘It would be a sin to put something this expensive into a combustion chamber to move a piston,’” says Mr. Aburai.

This “Burnable Gem” (rather than “Drinkable Gem”) boom is transforming household scenes as well. A 58-year-old housewife living in Tokyo displayed the high-octane gasoline she received from her husband’s boss under a hanging scroll in the alcove. “Putting it in my husband’s light car is out of the question. If we leave the cap slightly open, that distinctive gas station scent wafts through the room, making the whole family feel rich. Though we are desperately careful about static electricity,” she says. Furthermore, the number of families offering it at Buddhist altars is surging. “High-Octane Memorial Services,” where ancestors are honored with the aroma of evaporating hydrocarbons instead of incense smoke, are becoming established as a new trend of the Reiwa era.

Meanwhile, confusion is also arising. While there have been no accidental ingestions in Tokyo, such as “drinking the year-end gasoline,” there have been numerous reports of “drivers becoming bedridden with regret after accidentally putting it in their cars.” Economic commentator Mr. Taro Nenpi analyzes, “It’s an ironic phenomenon where gasoline, having lost its practicality due to high prices, has instead acquired appreciation value like pure art. For the common people, the phrase ‘Full Tank’ no longer refers to a physical state but has come to signify spiritual nirvana.”

As the year draws to a close, delivery trucks traversing the city are enveloped in unprecedented tension. This is because their cargo beds are filled with highly flammable “sincerity.” Both givers and receivers are locked in this dangerous gift war that could burn through both wallets and lives. Even if the engines won’t start, the turbines of human vanity are spinning at an unprecedented rate.

Stakeholder Comments

• Manager Aburai, Oedo Department Store: “Ham is gone once eaten, but the scent of high-octane remains forever in memory and nostrils.”
• Customer (Company Executive): “I used to be known as the ‘Ham Person,’ but now I want to be called the ‘High-Octane Person.’”
• Auto Mechanic: “I get consultations from people who think their car runs better right after putting in year-end gasoline, but that’s just the placebo effect.”
• Spirit Medium: “Lately, the ancestral spirits coming down have been coughing a lot. It must be the volatile components.”
• Light Car (Kei Car): “High-octane in a Paulownia box for my tank? It’s so overwhelming I think I’ll stall.”
• Middle Eastern Oil Tycoon: “Japanese people are crazy. We use it like water, yet they treat it like perfume.”
• Fire Department Public Relations: “Please stop using the catchphrase ‘The Flames of Love are Rising.’ It’s a problem if things physically catch fire.”
• Environmental Activist: “If you just display it without consuming the fossil fuel, it might be the ultimate decarbonization.”
• Gift Disassembler: “Expired ham is a problem, but high-octane is welcome because I can still use it in my bike even if it gets old.”
• Buddhist Altar Candle: “Lately, I’ve had no turn. Apparently, the smell from the small bottle next to me is so strong they’re afraid to light me.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Year-end gift arrives / Instead of seasonal ham / Crude oil gushes forth
• Remembering Grandfather’s face / Through the distinctive scent / Of high-octane fuel
• The weight of the box / Is heavy with gas taxes / And soaring oil costs
• Dreaming of full tanks / Displayed with great reverence / In the alcove niche
• New Year’s Eve bells ring / The scent of evaporation / Envelops the town
• In the first dream / Was it a gas nozzle? / At a self-service station
• Under wintry skies / Households clutch the precious oil / They cannot afford to burn
• Ensure ventilation / The year-end gift has arrived / Keep away from fire
• Savored with a dropper / Such is the taste of wealth / At the winter’s end
• Pouring high-octane / Into a tiny light car / With trembling hands

Kanji / Chinese Characters

Soaring Oil Prices Year-End Gift Anomaly Historic Department Store Turns into Gas Station Luxury Pork Removed Transition to Oil High Octane Rating in Paulownia Box Altar Decoration Volatile Scent Memorial Unignitable Fuel Beyond One’s Reach

Emoji

🎁⛽️🚫🍖 📉🛢️⤴️💰 🙏👴💭👃✨ 🏎️❌🏠⭕️ 🔥⚠️🚒💦 🤑🤝🎁🛢️

Onomatopoeia

Gurgle gurgle… no, drip… drip… Whaaaa~ft (volatile scent). Click (sound of opening the Paulownia box). Gulp (not the sound of swallowing, but the sound of fear at the price). Blaze blaze (flames of jealousy). Silence… (sound of an engine not starting).

SNS

• #YearEndHighOctane
• This year I got high-octane instead of regular! Total winner vibes lol
• Gasoline in a Paulownia box… the struggle of it being too wasteful to put in the fuel inlet
• I want to be known as the “Oil Person,” not the “Ham Person”
• Thought the room smelled like gas, turns out Dad offered the year-end gift at the family altar #Dangerous
• Memorializing with the smell of gas instead of incense… won’t the ancestors explode?
• The department store basement turning into a gas station is hilarious. The staff shouting “Full tank of high-octane coming through!” is everywhere.
• 30,000 yen for 500ml of gas… if I put this in my light truck, will it turn into a Ferrari?
• Someone give me leftover ham. I’ve had enough of gasoline (didn’t drink it).
• #MindfulLiving #LifeWithGasoline