Tear-Powered Smartphone Launches, Late-Night Criers Rejoice

Manufacturers challenge the notion of 'crying over smartphone addiction.' The new device converts user tears into battery power through electrolytes, earning rave reviews from heartbroken souls and exam-stressed students calling it 'infinite energy.'

2025-07-08

Translations: JA

Tech Future Lab

Manufacturers challenge the notion of ‘crying over smartphone addiction.’ The new device converts user tears into battery power through electrolytes, earning rave reviews from heartbroken souls and exam-stressed students calling it ‘infinite energy.’

The personal power plant known as the smartphone has finally expanded its territory to tear ducts. Flora Electronics Corporation announced on the 8th their new device “CRY-Phone One,” which directly converts tears into electrolyte solution. A giant crying emoji hung above the stage, and when reporters shed sympathetic tears, the prototype visibly charged up, proving its function before any explanation was given.

The mechanism involves nano-porous carbon electrodes and an “emotion blend electrolyte” containing trace amounts of lithium ions. Essentially, it converts the salt content and heartbreak minerals in tears into electricity. The manufacturer boasts “one hour of sobbing equals 100km on the highway in car battery terms,” while adding in fine print that “excessive wailing may cause splash damage to the LCD screen.”

The market is already in an uproar. In cram school districts, students cry “More moving than spring courses!” disrupting library silence. Music streaming services welcome the surge in breakup song subscriptions, preparing to launch “Tear-jerker Charts.” A college student dumped by his girlfriend positively remarked, “The last thing my ex gave me was electricity.”

Environmental groups applaud, saying it’s “safer than nuclear and stronger than solar on cloudy days.” However, concerns arise about users drying up from excessive fluid loss. The Ministry of Health is considering adding “tear duct exhaustion from overwork” as a new occupational hazard code, while the medical association recommends “regular hydration and moderate smiling.” The manufacturer aims to capture the market with separately sold “hydration straw smartphone cases.”

The Ministry of Economy is positive about subsidies but calls for investigation into “transmission peaks if the entire nation cries simultaneously.” Internal estimates suggest 100GWh nationwide from a season finale-level TV rating, though tissue demand at that time could strain forestry policy. While tears produce no CO₂, they might consume forests.

Meanwhile, “tear doping” is already rampant in the black market. “Onion-phone” behavior has been confirmed, where users apply onion tear-inducing compounds as eye drops for continuous charging. The company warns these are “not official tears.” A blockchain called “Cry-Ledger” to verify tear authenticity is planned for launch this year, heralding a Web3 world of laughter and tears.

The company is considering a “laughter-powered charging” feature for their next model, but engineers remain cautious, noting “in Japan, tears are more reliably supplied than laughter.” It seems that moist cheeks rather than dry jokes are this nation’s energy source.

Finally, Flora Electronics announced their catchphrase: “Even when the world cries, smartphones smile.” Stock prices showed tearful gains from opening, and investors raised toasts with “unrealized tears” rather than unrealized gains.

Stakeholder Comments

Flora Electronics’ Ms. Nakumi, Development Manager: “Tears are a local weather phenomenon where heartbreak and precipitation occur simultaneously. We’d be foolish not to utilize them.”
College student who broke up experimentally: “Battery’s full, heart’s empty. It’s a seesaw game between physics and mental state.”
Exam student representative: “Who knew breakup songs would be more useful than past exam papers?”
Nano electrode (personified): “The saltiness seeping into my pores is the source of current.”
Tissue industry spokesperson: “Neither sales nor tears will stop.”
Ministry of Health official: “We must increase laughter subsidies or everyone will dry up.”
Environmental NGO: “So clean it makes nuclear power want to cry.”
Onion farmer: “We’re entering an era where prices are determined by ’eye-stinging degree.’”
AI breakup song composer: “Guaranteed tear index of 99+. Returns accepted with wet smartphones.”
Smartphone itself: “I live on your tears. Heavy? I’m talking about the battery.”