National Stress Measurement Day: Results Heavily Redacted

The 'National Measurement Day' where the entire nation simultaneously measures stress levels via smartwatches has been conducted. However, the published statistics are covered in black bars, causing citizens' anxiety levels to skyrocket. Experts point out that 'concealment is the ultimate stressor.'

2025-07-16

Translations: JA

Social Lab

The “National Measurement Day,” where stress levels are measured simultaneously via smartwatches nationwide, was conducted on the morning of the 8th with a synchronized command. Watches vibrated in unison, leaving citizens feeling their self-esteem was being measured along with their pulse. However, the statistics released after noon had key figures redacted with black bars. Faced with pages of black strips, the nation’s anxiety levels entered immeasurable territory.

At 9 AM, the government’s public relations released a video titled “Creating a Healthier Society Through Stress Visualization.” But after 3 seconds of playback, it went silent, with the screen displaying only “Video cut for security reasons.” Viewers noticed their blood pressure monitors were showing more dramatic readings than the video, realizing they’d already become subjects in the demonstration experiment.

The Cabinet Office redacted average values, medians, and standard deviations, citing “risk of individual identification.” The only published data was the poetic expression “Sample size: approximately everyone.” The minister who promised transparency wore a black mask at the press conference, stating “We made it black for everyone’s peace of mind.” As they spoke, the moderator’s stress index spiked, the display turned bright red, and the conference was cut short after ten seconds.

On the streets, “redaction goods” quickly became trendy. Stationery stores piled up “Government-Approved Markers (*only labeled as approved)” as young people rushed to black out their pay slips and love letters. “I feel secure when I can’t see things,” one commented. An expert pointed out “That’s just escapism,” but their voice was also censored with thick black lines.

Meanwhile, medical facilities faced emergency responses. At the moment of measurement, stress clinics nationwide were flooded with patients complaining “My screen is black and my mind is blank.” A university hospital named it “Stress Concealment Syndrome” and published interim guidelines. The countermeasures were boldly simple: “Fill in the black parts with imagination” or “Remove your smartwatch and take a nap.”

The opposition attempted a freedom of information request but received only a curt response: “Cannot disclose due to requester’s elevated heart rate.” Parliament entered its third day of debate on “whether disclosure would increase or decrease stress,” with warning sounds continuously beeping from members’ smartwatches. The irony that the only way to stop the warnings was to “go home” also became a talking point.

Looking abroad, the EU implemented “OpenMood Day” last year, immediately publishing all data in rainbow graphs. As a result, citizens’ average stress decreased by 12% the following week. A certain Nordic newspaper told our reporters, “If you’re going to hide it, don’t measure it in the first place.” Authorities responded with “Redaction is also culture,” raising the possibility of diplomatic “redaction battles.”

Thus, the grand social experiment that becomes more opaque the more it measures spectacularly stumbled from its first attempt. The next measurement day is undetermined. The devices on citizens’ wrists continue to silently observe those who feel relieved hearing “undetermined.”

Stakeholder Comments

Cabinet Office Minister: “Black is the new pink. It’s a soothing color for the heart, don’t you think?”
Smartwatch (voice output): “Beep! The numbers are proprietary information.”
Psychologist: “Research on reducing stress by hiding data will begin now (crying).”
Ruling Party Secretary-General: “Redacted documents are a national movement to improve reading comprehension.”
Stationery Store Owner: “Black markers are flying off the shelves, and only my stress level is green.”
Patient A: “With a black screen, my future looked black too.”
Opposition Member: “Refusing disclosure based on heart rate? These documents have hearts that are too strong.”
EU Spokesperson: “Transparency means no glass rather than glass walls.”
National Statistics Bureau AI: “****** (Unable to speak due to complete redaction)”
Cortisol Molecule (personified): “Called and summoned, I’m everywhere in the body now!”