Currency Evaporates in Heatwave, Pasta Becomes Legal Tender

Following widespread reports of banknotes physically melting in record-breaking heat, the government has designated dry pasta as legal tender in an emergency measure. Since boiling is now considered 'currency destruction,' families must coordinate dinner menus with their savings plans.

2025-08-12

Translations: JA

Money Maze

Currency Evaporates in Heatwave, Pasta Becomes Legal Tender

Following widespread reports of banknotes physically melting in record-breaking heat, the government has designated dry pasta as legal tender in an emergency measure. Since boiling is now considered “currency destruction,” families must coordinate dinner menus with their savings plans.

Mid-month, as temperatures exceeded body heat and continued climbing, incidents of 10,000-yen bills emerging from ATMs in a “melted cheese state” became impossible to recover nationwide. The Bank of Japan admitted they “hadn’t anticipated melting temperatures,” but machines don’t lie—balances definitively decreased.

The Ministry of Finance deliberated on “assets stronger than paper” and passed pasta—with domestic stocks of approximately 20 billion servings—as the new currency “JPNoodle.” A 13.5-centimeter spaghetti strand equals one base unit, five macaroni pieces equal five yen, and a fettuccine bundle equals 1,000 yen according to regulations promulgated overnight. Short pasta serving as coins has already earned mixed reviews from citizens who complain “pockets smell like rigatoni.”

Financial institutions opened “dry noodle accounts” the next morning. Depositors submit bags with humidity below 3% at counters where staff weigh and count. Lines became clouded white with wheat flour dust, causing coughing foreign tourists to puzzle over “Flour Exchange Rate?” The forex market has entered a new era where dollar/spaghetti rates link to wheat futures and fluctuate wildly based on lunchtime meat sauce orders.

Households face upheaval too. When children say “I’m hungry,” mothers compare interest simulators with pots, persuading them to “wait until al dente this month.” The fragrant gluten wafting from wallets stimulates appetite, triggering impulse boiling rather than impulse buying. The National Police Agency is nationwide posting warnings: “Don’t boil your savings.”

International reactions prove entertaining. Italy’s Prime Minister raised eyebrows asking “Our cultural heritage as currency?” but their Finance Minister strikes a conciliatory tone suggesting “licensing fees might help repay national debt.” Switzerland quietly considers a “cheese bar standard” while France reportedly prototypes crepe bills folded into bundles.

The Meteorological Agency offers hopeful observations that “currency will solidify when climate settles,” but economists warn “bubbles created by heat and starch won’t deflate with cold water.” Will summer’s end leave a cooled economy or cold capellini? Either way, tonight’s household ledger turns red with improper draining, marking an era where interest rates evaporate on plates.

Stakeholder Comments

Finance Minister: “Money makes the world go round, noodles make the pot go round”
Bank of Japan Governor: “Monetary easing aimed at al dente has no precedent”
Housewives’ Federation President: “We should consider diversified investment in frozen udon”
Children’s Representative: “It’s unfair that allowance turns into dinner”
Mr. Wallet (leather): “The contents broke before I did”
Boiling Equipment Union: “Don’t call us criminal devices”
Meteorological Agency Thermometer: “I didn’t sign up for my numbers to cook the economy”
Italian Tourist: “This is the true ‘No Pasta, No Life’”
Forex Trader: “I want to close positions before the noodles get soggy”
The Heatwave Itself: “Cool me with policy, not sauce”