Tyrannosaurus Rex Was Actually a Giant Shimeji Mushroom. Possibility Emerges That Oyakodon on Dining Tables Was 'Real Parent and Child'

A major streaming service documentary overturns established theory. The Cretaceous king Tyrannosaurus did not go extinct but evolved into "giant Shimeji mushrooms" by dispersing spores. Testimonies claim fossils are dried mushrooms that faintly cry "Gyaoo" when rehydrated. The Paleontological Society responds positively, saying "We'd like to sauté it in butter and soy sauce before commenting."

2025-08-23

Translations: JA

Showbiz Pavilion

Tyrannosaurus Rex Was Actually a Giant Shimeji Mushroom. Possibility Emerges That Oyakodon on Dining Tables Was 'Real Parent and Child'

The documentary program “The Great Fungus: T-Rex’s Last Spore” distributed by major streaming service “Netprime+” has sent unprecedented shockwaves through academic circles and dining tables alike. This is because it proposes the earth-shattering theory that the Tyrannosaurus, the land’s ruler supposedly extinct 66 million years ago, actually survived extinction and evolved into a species of mushroom, the “giant Shimeji,” to adapt to environmental changes.

In the program, cutting-edge filmmaker Director Alan Smithee declares, “What we thought were fossils were actually extremely dehydrated mycelium.” He claims that independent DNA analysis showed a T-Rex femur excavated in Montana displayed “99.8% genetic similarity” to Bunashimeji mushrooms sold in Japanese supermarkets. As evidence footage, when fossil fragments were soaked in mineral water, they regained their springy elasticity after several hours, and when a microphone was brought close, a faint death-cry-like “Gyao…” sound could be heard, shocking viewers worldwide.

Faced with this theory, the International Paleontological Society, which has led T-Rex research until now, has fallen into a serious dilemma. Initially, elder statesman Dr. James Carter fiercely opposed it, saying, “Fossils are rocks, not fungi. We cannot have a century of established theory overturned by a single video.” However, amid public enthusiasm and rising self-criticism from young researchers asking, “Have we been studying rocks all this time?” the society has softened its stance to “multilateral verification is necessary.” In a recently published official statement, they showed a stance of approaching from the culinary culture angle for some reason, stating, “We will prioritize verifying the academic reproducibility of the proposed cooking methods, particularly butter soy sauce sauté and garlic stir-fry.”

This announcement has already prompted the birth of a new academic field, “Culinary Paleontology.” Its proponent, young mycologist Associate Professor Kinoko Takeyama of Toto University, passionately argued at the conference, “The act of eating brings the deepest understanding of the subject. By analyzing T-Rex’s texture, flavor, and umami components, we can redefine the Cretaceous ecosystem.” His laboratory is reportedly already flooded with joint research proposals from major food manufacturers.

The social impact is also immense. Shimeji and king oyster mushrooms are in short supply at supermarkets nationwide, and dried mushrooms claiming to be “Cretaceous-produced (estimated)” are being traded at high prices on flea market apps. Particularly serious is the ethical issue surrounding oyakodon. Due to this new theory, oyakodon using chicken (birds = descendants of dinosaurs) and eggs (their children) has transformed from “a collaboration between T-Rex’s distant relatives and mushrooms” to “a three-generation bowl of dinosaurs, their descendants, and mushrooms which are what dinosaurs became” - an outrageous dish. People are suffering from deep guilt after meals, saying, “I can’t believe I was eating what might have been real parent and child.”

Meanwhile, skeptical voices remain strong. Physicists calmly point out, “This ignores the law of conservation of mass. If such huge bodies became mushrooms, Cretaceous strata should look like matsutake rice.” However, such scientific common sense tends to be drowned out by a chorus of “no romance” and “those who can’t imagine the aroma of butter soy sauce can’t see the truth.”

Netprime+ has already decided to produce a sequel. They say they will next verify the “theory that Triceratops were giant turnips.” Will the history we have believed be redefined by big capital entertainment? Or was it just an assumption? Tonight too, somewhere in Japan, a brown life form sizzling on a frying pan poses fundamental questions to us.

Stakeholder Comments

Mr. Tyrannosaurus (allegedly a giant Shimeji): “This is the state I’ve reached after 66 million years. Butter soy sauce, not bad.”
Director Alan Smithee: “Truth is always beyond the lens. My next work will explore the unexpected relationship between ammonites and soy sauce.”
Dr. James Carter (paleontologist): “What… what have I been researching all this time…? Anyway, should we remove the stems?”
Associate Professor Kinoko Takeyama (Culinary Paleontology): “The texture of beast, the aroma of forest. This is the essence of interdisciplinary research.”
Major soy sauce manufacturer PR: “We’ve received reports that our ‘Select Cretaceous’ is optimal for rehydrating fossils.”
Oyakodon chain store owner: “We use chicken and eggs! Mushrooms are separate! Please don’t cry in front of the store!”
Fossil: “Honestly, I’ve always wanted water poured on me. I have dry skin.”
Local supermarket produce staff: “Recently people ask for ’the most ferocious-looking Shimeji.’ I don’t understand.”
Elementary school student in Tokyo: “I’ll raise a T-Rex for my summer research project. Mom says ‘I’ll eat it.’”
Cretaceous air: “I never thought that guy would end up being eaten in that form…”