Hell Embraces Crowdsourcing for Torture Operations: Demons' Hourly Wages Now Based on Volume of Sinners' Screams

Struggling with severe labor shortages, Hell finally undergoes DX (Demonic Transformation). Torture operations outsourced externally, demons become gig workers taking on 'single-task jobs' via app. Demons fawning over sinners for high ratings proliferate, while veteran demons lament 'Young demons these days lack soul in their work.'

2025-08-30

Translations: JA

Otherworld Pocket

Hell Embraces Crowdsourcing for Torture Operations: Demons' Hourly Wages Now Based on Volume of Sinners' Screams

Hell’s management authorities, struggling with severe labor shortages and declining torture efficiency, announced on the 19th that they would introduce crowdsourcing for their core business of “torture” as a fundamental management reform. This DX (Demonic Transformation) plan, led by the “Underworld Management Strategy Office” under the direct control of King Yama, will transform demons from lifetime employees into independent contractors—“gig workers” who take on single torture jobs through a dedicated app.

The new system, “OniDash,” uses AI to analyze the sins and past deeds of souls condemned to Hell, automatically generating optimal torture menus. Notifications like “[URGENT] Mountain of Needles, one customer” or “[HIGH RATE] Swimming instruction in the Blood Pool Hell” are sent to smartphones of nearby demons. Demons can freely choose jobs based on their skills and schedules, bringing modern work styles to Hell itself.

The most significant feature is the introduction of a complete performance-based compensation system. Compensation is determined by “Kakoku Points (KP)” calculated through a proprietary algorithm that measures the decibels of sinners’ screams, the volume of tears shed, and the movement of facial muscles during agony in real-time. Demons who earn high points receive incentives and improved app ratings, making it easier to receive higher-paying jobs.

This reform has exploded in popularity, especially among younger demons. To earn high ratings, they smile ingratiatingly at sinners after torture, saying things like “How was today’s torture? Please give us a 5-star rating!” and “Looking forward to your next appointment!” Some demons have even emerged as quasi-consultants, proposing “personalized torture” tailored to sinners’ preferences, with some claiming Hell’s service level has improved dramatically.

However, this radical reform has faced fierce opposition from veteran demons. “Young ones these days don’t even know how to swing a club properly. They chase smartphone numbers instead of facing sinners’ souls,” spits Akoni Gonzaburo, chief demon of the Eight Great Hells (800 years of service). The traditional craftsman-like atmosphere of “learn by watching” has disappeared, with all torture know-how now manualized. Many lament that “traditional techniques are being lost, and the soul has been drained from torture.”

Wataru Mitogawa, a commentator on underworld labor issues, analyzes: “While it can be evaluated in terms of efficiency and cost reduction, there are concerns about declining engagement with the original purpose of ‘making sinners atone.’ Qualitative indicators like ‘degree of remorse’ and ‘signs of reform’ should be incorporated into the KPIs.”

Among the sinners, complaints have erupted: “The quality of torture varies too much depending on the demon in charge” and “It’s basically a ‘demon gacha.’” Information exchange has become active on social media under the hashtag “#TodaysTorture.”

In an interview with our paper, King Yama showed enthusiasm for further reforms, stating, “This is the tide of the times. We’re also considering an all-you-can-torture monthly subscription plan.” Whether Hell’s work reform will bring peace to sinners’ souls or create new chaos remains to be seen. Perhaps even the stone-stacking at Sai-no-Kawara will one day be managed by blockchain.

Stakeholder Comments

Young demon (28): “I can work when I want and earn if I try hard. The sinners’ reviews are my motivation!”
Akoni Gonzaburo (800): “Outrageous! Torture should be done with heart. Using an app is absolutely unacceptable!”
Sinner A: “That last demon was so inefficient, it wasn’t painful at all. I gave them one star.”
King Yama: “Promoting diverse work styles is essential for the sustainable development of the underworld. I’m prepared for criticism.”
OniDash Developer: “In the next update, we’ll optimize demon travel routes and improve scream analysis accuracy.”
Iron Club: “My appearances have decreased lately. Apparently, ‘physical damage from strikes’ has low weight in the app’s evaluation criteria.”
Scream Measurement AI: “There’s a nuance difference between ‘GYAA’ and ‘Gyaa.’ Through deep learning, we precisely score soul screams.”
Ferryman of Sanzu River: “Recent sinners ask ‘What’s the hourly rate on the other shore?’ before crossing. The world’s gone mad.”
Stones of Sai-no-Kawara: “Will our stacking work also be outsourced eventually? If so, I’m curious about the rate.”
Heaven’s PR Representative: “We have not introduced such a gig economy. All angels work with hearts full of love and service.”

International Expressions

Haiku

App pings loud / Demon rushes out quickly / To the pool of blood
Five star rating / Demon’s smile fawns and pleads / For sinner’s review
Wails and screams / Measured in decibels now / Become hourly wage
Iron club down / Demon checks his smartphone screen / Back turned to the damned
Merit system / Old guard demons lament loud / Like autumn wind blows
Even torture / Waves of subscriptions rise / In modern Hell’s tide
Sinners’ reviews / Demons’ joy and sorrow swing / With each rating star
DX arrives / Hell’s flames burning smartly now / Digital torment
Soul’s remorse points / Everything is gamified / In underworld app
Sai-no-Kawara / Even counting stones will be / Moved to the cloud soon

Kanji / Chinese Characters

地獄人手不足責苦業務外部委託鬼単発案件受注成果報酬制亡者悲鳴大時給決定

Emoji

👹📱➡️🔥😭💰⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Onomatopoeia

Ping, ping… Tap-tap-tap… GYAAAAH! Cha-ching! (point acquisition sound) Smile… GRRRRRR… (veteran demon’s anger) Click-click (smartphone operation sounds) Murmur… murmur…