Ancient Martial Art "Water Strike Way" Master's License Suspended Over Unpaid Water Bill. Cosmic Communication Temporarily Interrupted.

The ancient martial art "Water Strike Way," which channels cosmic energy through water guns, faces crisis as its sole master has his license suspended for three months of unpaid water bills. Disciples lament, "With the tap shut off, Master's 'ki' flow has completely stopped," and continue training at park fountains, only to receive stern police warnings for disturbing pigeons with their water-spraying practices.

2025-09-03

Translations: JA

Culture Kaleidoscope

Ancient Martial Art "Water Strike Way" Master's License Suspended Over Unpaid Water Bill. Cosmic Communication Temporarily Interrupted.

The ancient martial art "Water Strike Way," which allegedly channels cosmic energy through water guns, has hit an unexpected obstacle. Master Ichido Mizugami (78), the art’s sole grandmaster, has had his teaching license temporarily suspended by the Martial Arts Federation after failing to pay three months of water bills totaling 12,450 yen for his dojo. It was revealed on the 30th that disciples are lamenting, "With the tap shut off, Master’s ‘ki’ flow has completely stopped." They continue their training using park water fountains but face the art’s existential crisis after receiving stern police warnings for disturbing pigeons with their water-spraying practices.

Water Strike Way traces its origins to the Kamakura period when Minamoto no Yoritomo allegedly prayed for victory by shooting water from bamboo tubes at Tsurugaoka Hachimangu shrine’s pond. In modern times, the art is known for using plastic water guns as "sacred water projection devices." Master Mizugami has taught that by synchronizing "cosmic vibrations" with tap water and projecting it through water guns, one can "purify the mind and body while promoting dimensional ascension." The ultimate technique, "Galactic Water Stream Wave," is said to possess enough power to cool even a century-old love affair.

However, this ability to communicate with the cosmos proved powerless against earthly billing systems. According to sources, Master Mizugami dismissed water bureau notices for several months as "noise from material civilization." When water bureau officials visited, he turned them away, claiming he was "in scheduled communication with Arcturus." As a result, water supply was cut off last weekend. Deprived of his energy source, the master has completely lost his vigor.

"The Master just stares blankly at the dry tap, muttering ‘The cosmic faucet is infinite, but earthly faucets are finite, it seems…’" says tearful chief disciple Jiro Mizukawa (45). To cheer up their master, disciples resumed training at public park fountains. However, without the master’s "vibration-infused" water, their techniques lack sharpness, and they accidentally drenched peace-symbolizing pigeons, leading to complaints from local residents.

The Water Strike Way Federation commented to our paper: "Before mastering the martial way, one must fulfill their duties as a member of society. This is truly regrettable." Meanwhile, a water bureau spokesperson offered an extremely practical response: "Even if our customer is communicating with the cosmos, meter reading and fee collection remain our mission. Upon payment, we will promptly restore service."

Professor Tsutomu Yamakawa of Toto Cultural University (Comparative Cultural Studies) analyzes this as "a symbolic collision between traditional spiritualism and modern infrastructure systems." He notes, "No matter how lofty the ideals, they can only exist on the foundation of monthly utility payments. Perhaps the entity Master Mizugami should have been communicating with wasn’t distant stars, but the local water bureau."

The path of Water Strike Way, which seeks cosmic truth, is expected to resume after settling the 12,450 yen payment. Will the master and his disciples once again obtain pure "sacred water"? Even the park pigeons are watching with bated breath.

Stakeholder Comments

Master Ichido Mizugami: "Hmm… Even Sirius’s brilliance fades before an overdue notice. Perhaps this too is training."
Chief Disciple Jiro Mizukawa: "Master’s ‘ki’ has dried up. With park water… even the pigeons look annoyed."
Water Bureau Staff: "We do not accept cosmic energy as payment. Japanese yen only, please."
Police Officer: "Spraying water at pigeons in public spaces is problematic from a wildlife protection perspective. Let’s have a discussion first."
Park Pigeon: "Coo-coo. (Translation: Recently, these people keep spraying us with water. It’s annoying. And cold!)"
Beloved Water Gun: "I can’t feel the cosmos flowing through me anymore… I feel like I’ve reverted to just plastic."
Cosmic Energy (Conceptual): "I am omnipresent, but infrastructure costs extra. I’d appreciate clear boundaries there."
Cultural Anthropologist Professor Yamakawa: "Spirituality versus utility bills. This binary opposition reveals modern Japan’s deep psychology."
Local Housewife: "Recently, strange people have been making noise in the park… I feel sorry for the pigeons."
Overdue Bill: "I’ve been here all along… Why didn’t you look at me?!"