Pro Gamer Fuses with Gaming Chair, Successfully Achieves Photosynthesis. "Food costs are down," team rejoices.

A professional gamer who became one with his gaming chair due to an extremely sedentary playstyle has announced he has acquired the ability to photosynthesize through moss growing on his back. The team owner proudly stated, "He also produces oxygen. He’s the ultimate eco-friendly player and the savior of our finances."

On the 9th, the professional esports team “Cyber Guardians” announced that their player, Shizuka Fudoin (24), has evolved into “a member of the Homo genus that performs photosynthesis” from both medical and botanical perspectives. True to his name, Fudoin is a skilled player with the nickname “Lifetime Honorary Ornament” due to his playstyle of remaining completely motionless. The incident came to light when a cleaning staff member at the team house reported that “something green and fluffy is growing” on Fudoin’s back, who had been in the same position for several weeks.

Initially suspected to be mold caused by poor hygiene, Professor Yozo Midoriyama of the Tokyo Advanced Life Sciences Institute, invited by the team to investigate, discovered that the player’s back and the synthetic leather of the gaming chair had fused at the molecular level. A new species of moss growing on the surface had established a symbiotic relationship with the player’s subcutaneous tissue. He concluded that “it uses blue light from the gaming monitor and LED room lighting as an energy source, absorbing carbon dioxide to produce nutrients.”

Team owner Ichiro Kanemoke smiled broadly at a press conference. “This has completely eliminated his food costs. Moreover, he slightly increases the oxygen concentration in the team house during practice. He’s truly a walking (or sitting?) air purifier and the ultimate contribution to the SDGs,” he enthusiastically explained. In addition to cutting costs of several million yen annually in food and supplement expenses, he revealed that multiple gardening equipment manufacturers and renewable energy companies have already applied for sponsorship, as this also contributes to improving the company’s environmental image.

The esports world is in turmoil over this unprecedented evolution. While rival teams have raised concerns that “utilizing sunlight and lighting is a form of doping,” the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) has issued a statement that “under current regulations, plant-derived energy production does not fall under prohibited substances.” The view is that there are no legal issues.

Fudoin himself participated in the press conference online while still fused with his gaming chair. “Since I don’t feel hungry, I can concentrate on practice 24 hours a day except for bathroom breaks. My performance has actually improved,” he commented calmly. On his back, small leaves were gently swaying.

Professor Midoriyama spoke with unconcealed academic excitement: “This is an adaptive evolution that would surprise even Darwin, caused by the modern lifestyle of sitting for long hours. He is no longer Homo sapiens, but perhaps a pioneer of a new era who should be called ‘Homo Sedentarius’ (Sitting Human).”

The team is considering launching a development program called “Project Greenhouse” with a view to “plantification of all players.” Has this opened the door to new human possibilities, or is it simply a curiosity born from the extreme end of laziness? The debate seems unlikely to fade.

Stakeholder Comments

• Shizuka Fudoin (Player): “Not getting hungry is comfortable. The number of bathroom trips has decreased, and practice efficiency has improved.”
• Ichiro Kanemoke (Owner): “Food costs, utility bills, carbon credit trading… He’s a walking (sitting?) profit and loss statement.”
• Gaming Chair: “It seems part of my body has started photosynthesizing. The comfort level remains excellent. The sense of unity with him has increased.”
• Rival Team Player: “Isn’t that doping? It’s solar doping, or ‘soping’ for short.”
• Professor Yozo Midoriyama: “The urethane foam of the gaming chair and his subcutaneous fat have formed a miraculous symbiotic relationship… This is truly the birth of ‘Homo Sedentarius’!”
• Former Team Nutritionist: “I lost my job. For now, I occasionally spray water on his back.”
• Gardening Equipment Manufacturer Sponsor Representative: “How about we enhance the shine of his ’leaves’ with our latest liquid fertilizer?”
• Planet Earth: “Well, I appreciate it… but something feels off. I hope for a more fundamental solution.”
• The Sun: “Recently, he’s been placed by a south-facing window. I’m happy my turn has increased.”
• The Concept of Food Costs: “My existence has disappeared from within him. I’m lonely. I wish he’d remember me sometimes.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Chair and man / Become green / Autumn sun
• Clicking sounds / Mossy back / Bathed in light
• Motionless / Like a chair / Leaves sway
• Food costs down / Team rejoices / Autumn leaves
• Monitor’s / Light received / Growing back
• Gamer’s / Next evolution / Chloroplasts
• Silence / Room’s oxygen / Slightly increases
• Nutrition is / Blue light and / Carbon dioxide
• Victory or defeat / Nature’s providence / Autumn deepens
• Sedentarius / Placed by window / Bathed in sun

Kanji / Chinese Characters

選手椅子一体化 光合成成功発表 食費浮 チーム歓喜 酸素生成 究極環境選手 誕生

Emoji

🎮🪑➡️🌿☀️🌱💧➡️🥗❌💰✅🌬️✅

Onomatopoeia

Click-click… Click… Shhhhh… Sprout-sprout… Warm-warm… Fluffy-fluffy… Murmur-murmur…

SNS

• #plant-based-gamer
• #photosynthesis-boy
• #gaming-chair-is-now-part-of-body
• #zero-food-cost-life
• #ultimate-SDGs
• #future-meals-are-light
• #motionless-as-a-mountain
• #esports-evolution-theory
• #thanks-for-the-oxygen
• #my-player-became-a-houseplant