Ministry of Health Officially Approves 'Afterlife Employment Agency' for Labor Shortage, but Poltergeist Strikes Escalate

Faced with unprecedented labor shortages, the government has approved a plan to employ ghosts as “non-corporeal workers.” Benefits include zero labor costs; drawbacks include unions demanding better treatment by lowering server room temperatures close to absolute zero. Labor negotiations are currently conducted through spiritual mediums.

In response to the worsening decline in the working-age population, the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare has officially approved the “Afterlife Employment Agency Initiative” on the 1st of this month. This groundbreaking attempt recognizes an estimated 8 million wandering spirits within the country as “non-corporeal workers” (commonly known as Ghost Workers) and incorporates them into the labor market. The government expects to achieve “killing two birds with one stone”—or rather, “two spirits with one stone”—by alleviating labor shortages and reducing social security costs.

The deployed Ghost Workers primarily engage in tasks that do not require physical bodies, such as data entry, server monitoring, and late-night security. Operating 24/7/365 without wages, social insurance, or paid leave, they were welcomed by adopting companies as a dream workforce, with voices exclaiming, “After DX (Digital Transformation), it’s SX (Spiritual Transformation)!”

However, the honeymoon period was short-lived. Just two weeks after operations began, Ghost Workers nationwide united via the Internet (spiritual network) to form the “National Non-Corporeal Workers’ Union” (Zenreiro). They issued a statement demanding better treatment from employers. Their demands exceeded management’s imagination, including “improved quality of offerings (at minimum, department store sweets),” “refresh leave through regular sutra readings,” and “bonuses for achieving nirvana.”

When their demands were effectively ignored, Zenreiro went on strike. Poltergeist phenomena occurred frequently at business sites nationwide, paralyzing operations. At a certain IT company, the server room temperature dropped to minus 40 degrees Celsius, causing system crashes. At a trading company, old military songs could be heard endlessly from empty conference rooms. The damage was immense. Experts analyze this as “the spiritual manifestation of workers’ rights consciousness.”

Taking the situation seriously, the government and Keidanren (Japan Business Federation) requested cooperation from the Japan Spiritualist Association. Currently, top-class mediums are being dispatched as negotiators, in the midst of “spiritual séance negotiations.” However, union demands continue to escalate, and they are now demanding thorough “spiritual compliance,” claiming that “exorcism practices in the workplace constitute wrongful dismissal.”

Professor Genichiro Yumeno of Toto University, who teaches paranormal sociology, calmly states: “Whether a life form or not, when a sentient being works, it’s a natural consequence for rights consciousness to emerge. The problem is that labor standards law assumes biological entities. We are facing a new stage: ‘work style reform for non-human entities.’”

This unprecedented labor-management conflict seems poised to fundamentally shake the nature of work in our country. The Japanese economy has awakened from the sweet dream of zero labor costs. Will the souls’ cries of Ghost Workers reach the hearts of employers? Today, too, a mysteriously cold wind blows through the corridors of Kasumigaseki.

Stakeholder Comments

• Ministry of Health official (anonymous): “We never imagined they would form a union… It was completely unexpected that they had ’the right to organize.'”
• Zenreiro Chairman (self-proclaimed Warring States period foot soldier): “Our demand is just one! ‘A white-collar workplace environment where we can achieve nirvana with peace of mind!’”
• Keidanren executive: “We hired them because costs were zero, but with premium melons and sutra reading fees, we’re in the red. Living employees would be cheaper.”
• Negotiating medium: “Their thoughts are so strong that Wi-Fi keeps cutting out. With labor and management’s feelings intersecting, my migraine has reached its limit.”
• Poltergeist phenomenon: “We’re merely visualizing our anger as physical phenomena. This is the legitimate exercise of the right to strike.”
• Office coffee cup: “I’m tired of flying through the air every night. I’d like to apply for workers’ compensation soon.”
• Server room thermometer: “Please stop trying to reach absolute zero. My identity is collapsing.”
• Offering manju: “The emptiness of not being eaten… So this is what true ghost food is.”
• Regular company employee: “If this is introduced at my company, shoulder-tapping might take on a literal ‘spiritual’ meaning, which is scary.”
• Labor Standards Inspection Office staff: “We’d like to say they’re outside our jurisdiction because they’re non-corporeal… but there are so many consultations my head hurts. Physically.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Autumn night / Server room hosts / Spirits on strike
• Offerings laid / Negotiations fail / Plates levitate
• Short of hands / Turning to the afterlife / Labor disputes
• Reading sutras / Voices ring hollow / Wind blows through
• Hour of Ox / Poltergeists staging / Spring wage talks
• Medium worn / Possessed and exhausted / Working overtime
• Seeking white-collar / Ghosts demanding / Budget turns red
• Cold empty sky / Resentment gathers / Room temp at zero
• Labor cost / Dreaming of zero / Nightmares ensue
• Nirvana too / Questioned as leave / Boss freezes up

Kanji

人手不足対策 政府幽霊雇用計画認可 利点人件費無 欠点労組待遇改善要求 霊媒師介労使交渉中

Emoji

👨‍💼📉➡️👻🏢✅ 👍💰=0 👎👻😠➡️🏢🥶🌡️ 🤝🗣️🧘

Onomatopoeia

ヒュー、ドロドロ… カタカタ、ガタガタッ！ シーン…ザワザワ… キーン…パリン！ ブツブツ…ゴゴゴゴ… ヒヤ〜…カチカチ…

SNS

• #AfterlifeEmploymentAgency
• #GhostStrike
• Our office has military songs playing at night… so this is why
• Nirvana bonus lol
• #ProtectNonCorporealWorkersRights
• Hang in there, mediums, super hang in there
• Are those offerings being resold on Mercari?
• Theory: White-collar companies enable nirvana
• #OurServerRoomIsFrozenToo
• Are they going to hire yokai next…?