Newlywed Life with an Interdimensional Jellyfish: Conflicting Values Over 'Interpretation of Gravity'

A man who despaired of dating apps announced his surprise marriage to an amorphous life form captured in the mountains behind his house. While he initially claimed they “connected spiritually,” by the third day of cohabitation, they are now negotiating divorce due to “incompatible concepts of up and down.” Experts point out that “the direction of toilet paper is more problematic than spacetime distortion.”

The partner chosen by Makoto Suzuki (34, pseudonym), a Tokyo office worker whose heart was worn down by the wall of “likes” and annual income, was not human. After numerous failed matches, he had a fateful encounter in the mountains behind his neighborhood with a faintly glowing amorphous life form that calls itself “Rurun.”

“I wasn’t asked about my profile, hobbies, or annual income. It simply sensed the trembling of my soul,” Suzuki says with blushing cheeks. The two, who rapidly nurtured their love through telepathic communication, submitted their marriage registration just 72 hours after meeting. The ward office employee who accepted it calmly stated, “There was unprecedented debate about filling in the gender field, but we ultimately followed the demands of the times to respect diversity.”

However, their sweet newlywed life was blocked by the wall of physical laws. On the third day after cohabitation began, Suzuki appeals with a serious expression. “What is the ‘floor’ for her is the ‘wall’ or ‘ceiling’ for me.” The dining table was prepared on the ceiling, the soy sauce dispenser took a stationary orbit overhead, and his beloved cat ran away complaining about the limits of its semicircular canals. As for the rice cooker, it suddenly vanished into subspace one morning.

Even when Suzuki tearfully pleaded, “Can’t we at least compromise on this one point of Earth’s gravity?” Rurun’s side countered telepathically, “The gravity you reference is extremely unidirectional and lacks diversity.” The gap between the two lay deeper than the Mariana Trench, becoming a dimensional rift.

Regarding this peculiar divorce crisis, Professor Sato of the National Institute of Paranormal Physics points out the difficulty of resolution: “This is not simply a difference in values. The phases of the spacetime continuum that their proofs of existence reference are fundamentally different. Counseling using quantum entanglement may be necessary.”

On the other hand, Yamada, a marriage counselor and author of the bestseller “I Can Refute That Divorce,” dismisses it: “It sounds grandiose, but the essence is exactly the same as the ‘pull toilet paper from the front or back’ debate.” “Before interpreting gravity, the key is whether you can forgive socks taken off inside-out. Love is the resolve to embrace the other’s incomprehensible physical laws.” His voice grew stronger.

This incident spread rapidly on social media. Hashtags like “#GravityGapMarriage” and “#MyHusbandIsAlsoInterdimensional” dominated trends, evoking sympathy (or pity) from many people as a new metaphor for the communication dysfunction modern society faces.

Divorce negotiations are still ongoing, but the claims of both parties are in a “skew position” that will never intersect, with no landing point in sight. Will love transcend physical laws, or will he choose a life where miso soup doesn’t fall from the ceiling? The answer is still beyond subspace.

Stakeholder Comments

• Makoto Suzuki: “I thought if we had love, gravity wouldn’t matter. I was naive. I at least want the miso soup to face downward.”
• Rurun (telepathy transcribed): “‘Up’ and ‘down’ are old concepts trapped in three-dimensional constraints. I only wish for the liberation of his soul.”
• Mountain Behind the House: “I thought the glowing mushrooms increased recently… Well, it’s between the parties involved. Just don’t disturb the ecosystem.”
• Dating App AI: “Our algorithm calculated a matching rate of less than 0.0001%. This is an unpredictable variable, and we are considering introducing a ‘species’ filter in the next update.”
• Gravity: “Do I really have that much room for interpretation? I can’t keep up with the recent diversity boom.”
• Runaway Cat ‘Tama’: “I won’t return to that house even if heaven and earth are turned upside down. Oh wait, it’s already being turned upside down daily.”
• Marriage Counselor Yamada: “Before talking about gravity, I want to tell them to follow the common rule of garbage collection day.”
• Professor Sato, National Institute of Paranormal Physics: “I thought marriage was a grand experiment, but this is beyond expectations. Very interesting as a sample. I’d love to do joint research.”
• Ward Office Employee: “We’ve installed a tesseract (four-dimensional hypercube) at the counter so we can handle four-dimensional life forms next time.”
• Toilet Paper: “It’s hilarious that humans who argue over my direction talk about gravity.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• On the ceiling / bowls float in autumn / divorce looms
• With interdimensional / wife I live and / walls become floors
• App deleted / married to jellyfish / gravity gap
• Are values / spacetime distortion or / hair color
• Telepathy / reaches but conveys not / up and down
• Even cats flee / the zero-gravity / new home
• For love’s sake / unforgivable pull / one direction
• Into subspace / the rice cooker vanished / hunger remains
• Face to face yet / gazes skewed and / never crossing
• Autumn deepens / neighbor’s lawn is / same direction

Kanji / Chinese Characters

婚活絶望男性 裏山捕獲不定形生命体電撃婚 共同生活三日目 部屋上下概念不一致離婚協議中 専門家指摘 時空歪トイレットペーパー問題

Emoji

💔📱➡️⛰️🤝👾➡️💍➡️🤯➡️🏠↕️≠➡️⚖️💔

Onomatopoeia

Zuuun… Su… Fuwafuwa… Pikōn! Kirakira✨ Dokidoki… Kyun…💕 Gatagata, Guragura… Kurukuru… Panikku! Shīn… (subspace)

SNS

• #GravityGapMarriage
• #MyWifeIsAlsoDimensional
• In the end, life is governed by physical laws
• #LimitsOfDiversity
• Can use telepathy but can’t communicate
• Really understand how the cat feels
• #BeyondDatingApps
• Impossible when soy sauce dispenser is floating
• Love or daily stability?
• #QuickDivorceSpeedrun