"Fossilized Application Form" Discovered in City Hall - Department Responds: "Still Under Review"

A fossilized "park usage permit application form" submitted in the early Heisei era was discovered in the basement archive of city hall. While experts marvel at this "miraculous specimen fossilized by the pressure of countless 'pending' stamps from officials," the city's department issued an official statement: "This is a case inherited from our predecessors. It remains under strict review, and we cannot yet reach a conclusion."

2025-10-28

Translations: JA

Social Lab

"Fossilized Application Form" Discovered in City Hall - Department Responds: "Still Under Review"

A fossilized “park usage permit application form” submitted in the early Heisei era was discovered in the basement archive of city hall. While experts marvel at this “miraculous specimen fossilized by the pressure of countless ‘pending’ stamps from officials,” the city’s department issued an official statement: “This is a case inherited from our predecessors. It remains under strict review, and we cannot yet reach a conclusion.”

This discovery of the century occurred during a “decluttering project” underway in the city’s archive. An employee discovered a peculiar plate-like object with an obviously non-paper texture from inside a dusty cardboard box. Initially, there was speculation that “someone might have turned their lunch pizza into stone,” but after appraisal, it was revealed to be an application form submitted approximately 30 years ago that had fossilized while maintaining its original form.

Professor Gondawara of the National Museum of Paranormal History, a leading authority in “ancient application formology,” calls this specimen the “Ammonite of Administration” and cannot hide his excitement. “The special inorganic substances contained in the ink of the countless ‘pending’ stamps, combined with the pulp fibers of the application paper, catalyzed by the constant humidity and darkness of the basement archive, and above all, by the firm will to ’not reach a conclusion,’ have triggered a miraculous replacement process. This is the world’s first case of bureaucracy interfering with the laws of physics,” he emphasizes its value from an academic perspective.

In response, an official from the city’s Citizen Service Improvement Division responded to the interview with a calm demeanor. “We recognize this as the ‘Application for Permission to Use the Lawn Area of the Park for the 1st Neighborhood Gateball Tournament’ submitted in 1991. While we deeply regret keeping the applicant waiting for such a long time, there are many issues to consider, including amendments to related laws and regulations and impacts on neighboring residents. We are currently in the process of carefully and strictly reviewing this matter, including coordination with relevant departments. We have by no means neglected this case,” emphasizing that it remains an “active” matter.

Our investigation team tracked down the applicant, the late Ichiro Suzuki (72 years old at the time). His grandson, Saburo-san (55), was speechless for a moment upon seeing the photograph of the fossil we brought. “When he was alive, my grandfather always said while polishing his stick, ‘Once the city office approves it, we’ll all play gateball together.’ To think that the application form reached the afterlife before he did. He must be flipping over in heaven. Even if the permit is granted now, none of his teammates are…” he said, gazing at the autumn sky with distant eyes.

This incident has taken an unexpected turn. The city’s Board of Education has begun considering designating it as a tangible cultural property of the city as “valuable material telling the story of administrative history and citizens’ patience.” The mayor also showed a positive attitude at a regular press conference, stating, “We would not be averse to displaying it as a monument symbolizing our city’s ‘meticulous workmanship’ in the lobby of the new city hall.”

Inquiries have also flooded in from administrative scholars overseas, with voices of surprise and praise (?) such as “Does Japanese red tape even create rocks?” and “Delay in procedures has created a time capsule.”

When the review will conclude remains unclear. Today at the city hall window, citizens waiting for other applications are reading news of the fossil discovery on their smartphones, muttering, “I wonder how many years until my application becomes a fossil.” The city’s “strict review” may continue until the next geological era.

Stakeholder Comments

The Fossilized Application Form: “Enough already… just leave me in peace…”
City Official: “Adhering to precedent and legal compliance is our mission. Speed is irrelevant to service quality.”
Professor Gondawara: “The fossil from the Heisei-era office has more implications for modern society than the Jurassic dinosaur fossils!”
Saburo Suzuki-san (grandson): “Does this mean my grandfather’s passion for gateball penetrated even rock? No, that’s not it.”
The ‘Pending’ Stamp: “I am not to blame. I stamped because I was told to stamp.”
The Basement Archive Dust: “We have witnessed everything these 30 years. We are witnesses to history.”
The Gateball Ball: “Um… is it not my turn yet…?”
Minister in Charge of Digital Transformation: “…… (silently presses the Enter key on the keyboard forcefully)”
Time (as a Concept): “Even I could not witness the end of this review.”
Mayor of Rival City: “In our city, it takes 3 minutes with online application. We have no time to create fossils (laugh).”