New Ordinance Mandates 'Armor Wearing' for Online Debates to Combat Flame Wars. Wi-Fi Blockage Forces Physical Termination of Discussions

A city has mandated that all online debates must be conducted while wearing full body armor. Citizens face physical speech control, complaining “I can’t press the Enter key.” Furthermore, since most helmets block Wi-Fi signals, heated arguments are forcibly resolved through communication disconnection.

The “Digital Discourse Space Soundness Ordinance,” commonly known as the “Armor Law,” which was enacted by the ×× City Council on the 1st of this month to curb extreme online speech or so-called “flame wars,” is spreading a quiet but definite influence on the lives of citizens. The ordinance requires citizens to wear full body armor when expressing opinions on SNS, electronic bulletin boards, and other platforms viewable by an unspecified number of people. According to the city’s official statement, “Physical barriers encourage a moment’s pause before posting, that is, calm thinking.”

The trigger for the ordinance was a report submitted by the city’s advisory body, the “Future Communication Research Council.” It pointed out that “modern keyboards are too light. Finger reflexes overtake thought, causing social division.” As a solution, they recommended heavy armor used by medieval knights, concluding that “the weight of typing each character makes one reconsider the weight of words.” This overly innovative proposal was somehow unanimously approved.

Since its implementation, desperate complaints have flooded the city hall from citizens, such as “I can’t reach the Enter key with iron gauntlets in the first place” and “I tried to press the Backspace key and smashed the adjacent keys as well.” However, the greatest effect was in an unexpected place. Many metal helmets demonstrate excellent radio wave blocking performance, namely the Faraday cage effect, perfectly blocking radio waves from home Wi-Fi routers. As a result, communication is cut off before discussions heat up, and cases of forced “physical logout” are occurring frequently.

Thanks to this “forced cooling period,” online flame war cases in the city have decreased by 98% compared to the previous month. The mayor boasts, “It was an unintended effect, but as a result, peace has come to cyberspace. This shows our city’s foresight.” In the city, armorers are experiencing a special demand boom, and a new “armor economic sphere” is being born, with lightweight “light armor” for young people and helmets with USB charging ports being developed.

On the other hand, Professor Yusa, an authority on network theory at Toto Information University, analyzes, “This is the ultimate irony for freedom of speech. We have come to a point where, to secure freedom of expression, we must first encase our bodies in iron and be disconnected from the Internet.” Furthermore, he said with a dry smile, “However, the silence brought by this inconvenience may remind modern people of something they had almost forgotten. Like face-to-face conversation, for example.”

The ordinance is currently a voluntary effort and has no penalties, but the city plans to recommend wearing it during online meetings in the future. What appears on the screen is only an iron mask that doesn’t move and the occasional sound of “clank” of metal. The eyes of citizens watching the future of this ordinance, more than the course of the debate, are tinged with a complex color of expectation and resignation mixed together. We may have entered an era where we polish our gauntlets before hitting the keyboard.

Stakeholder Comments

• Housewife living in the city (42): “I just want to comment on a recipe site, but wearing a helmet in the kitchen… it’s hot.”
• Armorer (78): “I never thought at this age I’d be making custom products for esports players. Life is full of surprises.”
• Enter Key: “Recently, many fingers can’t reach me. It’s a bit lonely.”
• Wi-Fi Radio Waves: “Helmets are hard. Can’t get through. If it’s for peace, I guess it can’t be helped, but I’m a little frustrated.”
• Toyotomi Hideyoshi (Concept): “Your defenses are stronger than in my era. So, can you conquer the realm?”
• Mayor: “There are criticisms, but numbers don’t lie. Since flame wars have disappeared, this is a great success.”
• Online Gamer (17): “I can’t type in chat, so coordination with teammates is only through gestures and battle cries. It actually fires me up.”
• Professor Yusa (Information Sociology): “The ultimate form of digital detox. Perhaps humanity should go back to the Middle Ages and start over.”
• Helmet: “It’s quiet inside me. I protect you from the noise of the world. I also block communication, though.”
• Freedom of Expression: “A bit heavy… physically.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Summer helmet / Fingers can’t reach / F5
• Flame war is / Extinguished within / The helmet
• Wi-Fi too / Blocked by iron / Silence
• Keyboard / Silence unable to type / Autumn night
• Through gauntlets / The screen I gaze at / So distant
• Logout / When removing helmet / Moonlight
• Iron sound / Swallows words / Cyberspace
• Clicking finger / Search ends / Long night
• No radio waves / Reconciliation achieved / Such irony
• Posting is / All day long / Heavy labor

Kanji / Chinese Characters

市条例 網上議論 甲冑着用 義務化 市民 Enter打鍵不可 直面 兜 Wi-Fi電波遮断 議論通信切断 強制和解

Emoji

🤺💻➡️🗣️🛑 / 📶➡️🛡️➡️❌➡️🤝😌

Onomatopoeia

Clank, clatter… thunk! (the sound of not reaching) Silence… Cut off… Pop (the sound of removing a helmet) Phew…

SNS

• #armor-required
• #enter-key-is-far
• #physical-logout
• My Wi-Fi lost to a helmet
• #typing-muscle-training
• Connection flames before debate flames
• Mom, where did that helmet of mine go?
• Conversely, debates deepen (no way)
• #not-cyberpunk-but-medieval-punk
• The internet is peaceful today (because I can’t connect)