"Lens Flare" Finally Wins Academy Award. J.J. Abrams Sobs, "It's So Bright I Can't See Anything"

A long-held dream in the film industry has finally come true. This year's Academy Award for "Best Supporting Actor" was awarded to "Lens Flare," which has been shining in countless films. Standing before the recipient who appeared as light itself, director J.J. Abrams, the foster parent, commented, "It's too beautiful... I can't see anything." Whether it was tears of joy or a purely physical symptom remains unclear.

2025-11-19

Translations: JA

Showbiz Pavilion

"Lens Flare" Finally Wins Academy Award. J.J. Abrams Sobs, "It's So Bright I Can't See Anything"

A long-held dream in the film industry has finally come true. This year’s Academy Award for “Best Supporting Actor” was awarded to “Lens Flare,” which has been shining in countless films. Standing before the recipient who appeared as light itself, director J.J. Abrams, the foster parent, commented, “It’s too beautiful… I can’t see anything.” Whether it was tears of joy or a purely physical symptom remains unclear.

It was a historic moment that shook the Dolby Theatre. When the presenter shouted, “And the Oscar goes to… Lens Flare!” the venue fell silent for a moment before erupting into thunderous applause. The recipient, Mr. Lens Flare, took the stage as a single streak of blue light emanating from the center stage lighting. Though he uttered no words, he seemed to express his overwhelming emotions by varying the intensity of his brightness.

Mr. Lens Flare’s career has been long. Since ancient times, he has adorned the backgrounds of numerous sci-fi films as an unnamed extra, but his talent truly blossomed after being discovered by director J.J. Abrams in the 21st century. In the Star Trek series, he displayed a presence that almost overshadowed the main characters, and in Super 8, he performed the exquisite “pause” with light during the film’s emotional scenes. Critics have praised him, saying, “His innovative acting stimulates the audience’s imagination by intentionally blocking information on the screen.”

According to a statement from the Academy, the reason for this award is “his achievement in establishing a new form of emotional expression in the digital age.” One selection committee member excitedly said, “His acting does not rely on dialogue; just by ‘being’ there, he illuminates the characters’ anxiety, hope, and future. This is a feat that expands the very concept of acting.”

Director Abrams, who watched his beloved protégé’s (?) shining moment from the audience, was shedding tears like a waterfall throughout the speech. When the interviewer approached him with a microphone, he sobbed, “I remember the day he first crossed my camera. It wasn’t just light. There was a soul. It’s so bright, so beautiful, and now… I can’t see anything.” It remained unclear to the end whether the handkerchief in his hand was to wipe away tears or to protect his eyes from the overly intense light.

This achievement has sparked both praise and criticism within the industry. Director Michael Bay, who has long insisted that “explosions are the best supporting actors,” revealed his competitive spirit, saying, “Light alone lacks the driving force of a story. Next, my ’explosion’ should win.” Meanwhile, the Screen Actors Guild (SAG-AFTRA) issued a statement saying they are “rushing to establish new guidelines for actors’ rights and safety (primarily eyesight protection) when performing with inanimate objects,” scrambling to contain the situation.

Film critic Jean-Pierre Polnareff predicts the future: “This is a turning point in film history. We may have finally been liberated from the shackles of narrative and human drama. Future films may become experiences where we simply bask in pleasant light.”

The sight of a veteran actor who won Best Actor smiling at the light and saying, “Your turn is next,” symbolized the changing times. What appears on screen now—is it human conflict or merely the refraction of light? The answer will be burned directly onto our retinas in the next Abrams film.

Stakeholder Comments

Mr. Lens Flare: “…(expressing gratitude with dazzling brilliance)”
Director J.J. Abrams: “I’m so glad I nurtured him…! My vision is zero, but my heart is crystal clear!”
Director Michael Bay: “Hmph, light? Compared to the intensity of explosions, it’s like a sparkler. Next year, my ’explosion’ will win Best Actor!”
Director Christopher Nolan: “I wonder if the day will come when film grain will have its moment in the sun…”
Oscar Statuette: “It’s an honor. This is the first time I’ve been held by someone so radiant… I feel like I’m about to melt.”
Camera Lens (ZEISS): “I watched him grow inside me. I’m deeply moved. The occasional ghost is part of his charm.”
Lighting Technician: “Hey, the light I shone is the source of his acting… where’s my pay?”
Visual Acuity Test Chart’s ‘C’: “Recently, we’ve had an increase in patients who have trouble seeing ‘down’ and ‘right.’ So this was the cause…”
Sunglasses (Ray-Ban): “It’s my turn. Finally, the era has caught up with me.”
Audience Member: “I can’t tell if I’m crying from emotion or if my eyes are tearing up physiologically from the brightness.”