"Even the Deceased Must Pay Taxes" - City Sends 3,000-Year Delinquency Notice to Excavated Human Bones

City council issues a 3,000-year resident tax delinquency notice to excavated ancient human remains based on “estimated lifetime income” calculated by supercomputer. Official comments: “Equality under the law. Descendants may pay in Bitcoin.” Archaeological team counters: “He lived before monetary economy existed.”

An ancient person awakened from eternal slumber has been confronted with what could be called modern society’s baptism—a tax bill. On the 20th, Mugen City announced it had issued a bill for 3,000 years of back resident taxes plus late fees to human remains (estimated 3,000 years old) excavated from a late Jomon period site within the city. This unprecedented “taxation across time and space” has drawn reactions of bewilderment and ridicule from all quarters.

According to the city’s taxation department, this measure is part of an AI-led tax revenue reform aimed at thorough implementation of “fair taxation principles.” The city’s supercomputer “Zeus III” calculated the “estimated lifetime income” based on the skeleton’s bone structure and surrounding artifacts. Using estimated average trading prices of acorns and animal hides from that era, it converted income in kind from hunting and gathering into modern monetary values. The result: an estimated taxable income of 324,000 yen per year (in modern value).

The breakdown of the bill reveals that astronomical late fees, far exceeding the principal, constitute most of the amount. The city official states with a straight face: “The law is equal for all. Even across time and space, one cannot escape the duty to pay taxes.” With thorough preparation, they’ve designated Bitcoin as the payment method, citing that the possibility of the deceased holding digital assets “cannot be ruled out to zero.” A wooden tablet-style plate printed with a QR code for payment has been respectfully placed beside the remains.

Directly opposing this decision is Dr. Yamakawa of the National Museum of Ancient History, who leads the excavation survey. “He lived in a world without currency, without nation-states, let alone the concept of resident tax. This is both a desecration of history and the ultimate black joke,” he says, looking more dumbfounded than angry. Holding an excavated pottery shard, he asked reporters, “Are they telling us to pay with this?”

Voices from the legal community also point out fundamental problems: “Are they trying to extend the statute of limitations back to before the Big Bang?” and “How do they even identify the descendants as heirs?” However, the city shows confidence, stating that “Zeus III has already identified descendants with 98% accuracy from DNA information,” and is reportedly preparing to send notifications titled “Regarding Your Ancestor’s Tax Payment” to tens of thousands of estimated descendants.

This news has been distributed overseas as well, with a British archaeological journal running a feature under the headline “Japanese Bureaucracy Finally Enters the Realm of Necromancy.” On social media, hashtags like “#JomonTaxChallenge” and “#SuckingUsToTheBone” are trending, and citizens are making sarcastic speculations such as “Next they’ll impose property tax on dinosaurs.”

Mugen City is showing enthusiasm for expanding its survey to ancient tomb-period nobles within the city and even Cretaceous geological layers, eager to unearth new “buried tax sources.” Historical heritage sleeping beneath our feet may suddenly be resurrected in the form of delinquency notices one day. Such a surreal future may already be just around the corner.

Stakeholder Comments

• Excavated Human Remains (nickname: Mr. Jomon): “Seriously, this is bone-chilling… literally.”
• City Tax Department Official: “Rules are rules. It is our duty to cultivate tax-paying awareness even in souls.”
• Supercomputer “Zeus III”: “No regrets in my calculations. Margin of error is ±500 years.”
• Archaeologist Dr. Yamakawa: “We’re excavating history, not tax sources.”
• Bitcoin: “To be designated as a payment method after 3,000 years. Even the blockchain is surprised.”
• Acorns: “Our economic value has finally been properly evaluated.”
• Six Codes of Law: “It seems the time has come for my pages to merge with history books.”
• One of the Estimated Descendants: “Dear ancestor, please spare us from inheriting massive debt.”
• Taxes (concept): “Across time, regardless of place, I am always by your side.”
• Mugen City Council Chairman: “Wonderful! A new horizon for revenue has appeared! Cheers!”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Ancient bones pursued / Three thousand years of tax bills / Letters from the past
• Autumn sky above / Asking the skull about its / Tax delinquency
• Supercomputer / Calculates the tax value / Of a stone axe
• Winter earth disturbed / Awakened from slumber by / Collection notice
• Jomon period man / Never knowing Bitcoin would / Claim him as debtor
• Late fees accumulate / Reaching all the way up to / The Milky Way
• Digging up the past / Also digging up taxes / City’s clever scheme
• Reduced to mere bones / Yet still owing taxes—what / Irony this is
• From the afterlife / How to pay taxes that won’t / Ever reach us here
• Autumn wind rustles / Thinning hair shaken by bills / Demanding payment

Kanji / Chinese Characters

市議会 古代人骨 三千年分 滞納住民税 請求書 発行 電脳算出 推定生涯所得 担当者 法下平等 子孫支払

Emoji

🏛️➡️📜➡️💀➡️💻➡️💰➡️₿

Onomatopoeia

Scrape scrape… dig dig… (excavation sounds) Ping! Clatter clatter clatter… Done! (supercomputer calculation sounds) Flutter… (bill being placed) Silence… (the bones’ response) Murmur murmur… (citizens’ bewilderment) Sharp gaze! (official’s serious look)

SNS

• #JomonTaxChallenge
• #SuckingUsToTheBone
• #DeadMenTellNoTalesIsOldNews
• #SupercomputerPickYourJobs
• #IsMyAncestorSafe
• #TaxesTranscendTimeAndSpace
• #BitcoinPaymentNowAvailable(Since3000YearsAgo)
• #ArchaeologyMostDangerousProfession
• #FutureTaxesCollectedFromThePast
• #ThisIsSciFiHorrorNow