Hell Revises Subscription Pricing: "Eternal Hellfire" Plan Scaled Back Due to Demon Shortage. New "Weekend Only Hell" Plan Launched for Casual Sinners.

Due to a severe shortage of demons, it has been revealed that Hell’s flagship “Eternal Hellfire” plan will be changed to a time-limited “Intermittent Scorching” service. Concerned about customer (i.e., damned soul) churn, Hell’s parent company “Yomi Capital Inc.” has announced a new “Weekend Only Hell” plan for just 980 yen (excluding tax) per month. The convenience of spending weekdays in the mortal world has proven popular, with applications flooding in.

CEO King Enma revealed this at an emergency press conference. “This price revision and service modification is a painful decision aimed at improving the wellbeing of our demon employees and optimizing customer satisfaction. We ask for your understanding as we pursue sustainable Hell operations,” he stated with an expression that left it unclear whether he was actually remorseful.

Behind this lies a severe labor shortage in Hell. Value diversification among “Generation Z demons” has progressed, with complaints erupting such as “Long hours in scorching environments have poor time-performance ratio” and “I want to perform torments that allow more self-actualization.” The administration had no choice but to accept the “work style reform” demands from the All-Japan Red and Blue Demon Labor Union Federation (Demon Labor Federation). As a result, the “Eternal Hellfire” that had burned 24/7/365 now operates only from 9 AM to 5 PM on weekdays (with cauldron temperatures in compliance with regulations), leading to the unprecedented situation where both damned souls and demons are extinguished together after 5 PM.

The “Weekend Only Hell” plan was introduced to compensate for this decline in service level. The main targets are those with relatively minor offenses, such as repeated “like-begging” on social media or posting streams of “pretentiously inspirational poems.” The convenience of checking in Friday night and returning to the mortal world Monday morning is its key feature, and applications from those seeking “just a taste of Hell” for self-improvement purposes show no signs of stopping. Currently, an SNS campaign is underway where posting with the hashtag “#HellNow” reduces the cauldron temperature by one degree.

Underworld economic journalist Kennosuke Hariyama analyzes this trend as “punishment deflation.” “Having lost the talent acquisition war with Heaven, Hell is being forced to cut costs. This is no longer punishment—it’s a form of dark tourism. DX, meaning ‘Damnation Transformation,’ is urgently needed,” he warns.

Eternal punishment, once feared by all humanity, has now been swept up in the subscription economy wave, evaluated by cost and convenience. When the weight of sin is settled through monthly fees and Hell becomes a weekend leisure activity, what shall we use as our moral yardstick? Even the stones piled at the Sanzu River’s shore can now be rented. Hell’s management reform poses a weighty question to us who live in the mortal world.

Stakeholder Comments

• CEO King Enma: “This is all for our shareholders (the denizens of the other shore). Our KPI has shifted from ‘Maximum Agony Per Soul’ to ‘Customer Lifetime Value (LTV).’”
• Red Demon on the front lines (age 350): “I’m grateful to be able to leave on time, but I feel the passion of ‘how to torment that particular damned soul’ fading away. Was it exploitation through the illusion of purpose, back in the old days?”
• Damned Soul (Eternal Hellfire plan subscriber): “It’s been lukewarm lately. I miss the unpaid overtime—I mean, unpaid overtime torment. It used to be so much hotter…”
• Damned Soul (Weekend plan applicant): “I can ’temper’ both body and mind in preparation for Monday’s work. It’s the ultimate cost-effective self-investment.”
• Demon Labor Federation Chairman: “Our next goals are implementing remote work in the Scorching Hell and achieving 100% consumption of paid torment leave.”
• Ferryman of the Sanzu River: “Weekends are terrible—the schedule gets disrupted shuttling damned souls around. I wish they’d let me accept cashless payments for the ferry fare.”
• Stones at the Sanzu River Shore: “Lately, there’s been an increase in idiots stacking us in weird ways for Instagram. We’re not building blocks.”
• Heaven PR Representative: “Our facility continues to provide bliss 24/7/365 with no additional charges. We’re confident in our employee benefits.”
• Hellfire: “When I’m extinguished at quitting time, it suddenly gets cold and I might catch a cold. Re-ignition is such a hassle too.”
• The 980 yen monthly price: “The suffering you can get for my price is pretty limited. Don’t get your hopes up.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Demons too embrace / Work style reform these days / Summer cauldron cools
• Weekends I commute / To Hell on subscription / Modern damnation
• Hellfire extinguished / The silence of after five / Work-life balance
• Nine hundred eighty yen / Can it truly purchase / Punishment for souls
• How lukewarm it is / Old-timer damned souls lament / The glory days past
• Can torment be done / Remotely now asks the demon / Times have changed
• Against Heaven’s perks / Hell loses the talent war / Recruitment woes
• For Monday’s grind / I’m roasted Friday night / Self-improvement
• On Instagram / Hashtag HellNow they post / Cooling off in flames
• Light sins carry / Price tags now attached / Redemption for sale

Kanji / Chinese Characters

鬼不足 地獄主力 永遠業火 時間限定変更 顧客離懸念 経営陣 新規 月額九百八十円 週末地獄 新設 平日現世 手軽 申込殺到

Emoji

👹📉🔥➡️🕒⏳😨➡️🤑🆕💰📅(Sat/Sun)🔥👍➡️📱🏃💨

Onomatopoeia

ROOOAAAR… (old hellfire)… crackle crackle… (current hellfire)… silence… (after hours). AAAAHHH! (old damned souls)… ow, hot… (current damned souls). Click click… (smartphone application sounds). Sigh… (demons leaving on time).

SNS

• #WeekendHell
• #DemonWorkReform
• #HellGoesSubscription
• #BestCostPerformancePunishment
• #KingEnmaHasItRoughToo
• #SelfReproach
• #JealousOfHeavenBenefits
• #ScorchingTeleworkWanted
• #LikeBeggersGetLitePlan
• #OldHellWasBetter