Government Introduces AI That Converts Meetings to Buzzwords Only — Contents Evaporate While Remaining State Secrets

As a counter-espionage measure, the government has implemented a “Buzzword Security Patch” that automatically replaces all statements with the latest trendy words and corporate jargon across all conference rooms. After implementation, chambers now echo only with phrases like “That’s some intense synergy” and “Seriously agenda vibes,” with no one able to utter any specific nouns. The official in charge proudly declared, “The protection of classified information is complete. After all, no one understands the content anyway.”

The patch is a meeting AI developed by the Digital Agency that instantly analyzes audio input from microphones and replaces proper nouns such as “budget,” “defense plan,” and “allied nations” with abstract terms like “resource vibes,” “security grand design,” and “key players.” Verbs and adjectives are no exception—“reduce” becomes “tune,” and “take responsibility” transforms into “feel ownership.” A government official explained, “This is the natural result of AI learning from years of bureaucratic culture.”

The meeting summary released after the first day’s cabinet meeting, which should have been just a few lines of Japanese, had ballooned into several pages filled with phrases like “This matter, we’re seriously committing to an emotionally resonant direction” and “While respecting stakeholder motivation, it’s important to land this in a good vibe.” An administrative law expert chuckled wryly, “This is a prime example of how meaningless words increase word count,” adding, “If this is all that gets disclosed through freedom of information requests, it’s no longer constitutional archive material—it’s an internet meme.”

The government emphasizes the national security benefits. In the past, audio recordings from officials’ personal devices had leaked and caused problems, but now even if eavesdropping occurs, the recordings will only contain phrases like “That vibe is basically bugging out” and “Let’s put this on pending and reboot, shall we?” A Cabinet Secretariat executive commented, “Enemy analysts will be pulling their hair out. Though our own voters might be making the same face.”

However, the side effects are significant. Legally, meeting records must contain “a summary of proceedings,” but if that summary is entirely filled with “intense,” “might work out,” and “agenda vibes,” future verification will be extremely difficult. An opposition lawmaker criticized, “If they tell us during accountability sessions that ‘it was a trending word at the time and therefore uninterpretable,’ political responsibility will disappear along with the trends,” sarcastically adding, “This isn’t a security patch—it’s an accountability evasion patch.”

Nevertheless, there are reportedly many voices in the government district hoping for expanded use. Young ministry staff have expressed welcome, saying, “I’m proud that the AI has officially adopted the incomprehensible meeting jargon we use daily” and “Before, we were vaguely evasive, but now we can openly say we have no idea what we’re saying.” The government plans to extend the patch to local government online meetings by the next fiscal year, with officials stating they aim to “update all meeting minutes nationwide into safe and secure poetry.”

The Buzzword Security Patch learns from social media trends every night and automatically incorporates new words. As a result, if you replay the same meeting a week later, statements may have changed from “That’s seriously lit” to “That seriously hits.” A Japanese language scholar lamented, “A hundred years from now, when historians read government documents from this era, they’ll need to consult a youth slang dictionary before the original text. As a result, what gets most completely concealed is ’the facts themselves.’”

Stakeholder Comments

• Digital Agency Official: “We’ve proven that the ultimate way to reduce information leak risk to zero is to make the information incomprehensible to anyone in the first place.”
• Young Ministry Staff: “Instructions from my boss have become just ‘make it good vibes.’ Same as before, but now it feels modern since AI is involved.”
• Ruling Party Executive: “We are fulfilling our responsibility to explain things carefully to the public. It’s just that our explanation was so thorough that the content disappeared.”
• Opposition Lawmaker: “I never expected the government to perfect the art of saying absolutely nothing at this level. At least they could just be silent.”
• Information Security Expert: “This is a ‘meaning evacuation’ method more powerful than encryption. It’s not that it’s undecipherable—the ciphertext simply doesn’t exist.”
• Anonymous Foreign Intelligence Officer: “We have tons of recordings, but our entire analysis team surrendered saying ‘makes no sense.’ Is this the Japan style?”
• Meeting Minutes Staff: “I’m transcribing every word accurately, yet the finished document gets called poetry. The injustice.”
• Buzzword AI: “This system is seriously functioning as a self-evolving knowledge platform that’s on another level, in my understanding.”
• Japanese Dictionary Editor: “Candidate entries increase by a hundred overnight. We need a security patch on the dictionary editing side too.”
• General Citizen: “Even when the news reads out ’the government explained it this way,’ nothing registers in my mind. In a way, it helps with peace of mind.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Secrets guarded well / All words become morning mist / Nothing to reveal
• Conference chambers / Only buzzwords fill the air / Wind echoes alone
• Empty of content / Information leaks reach zero / Mission accomplished
• Meeting minutes turned / Into poetry and haze / Spring mist settles in
• The spy arrives here / Only hears emotional / Trendy voices speak
• Budget decisions / Synergy alone dances / Takes the center stage
• National affairs / Hashtagged into oblivion / Autumn evening falls
• Trending words depart / Debates and archives vanish / Together they fade
• The more it goes viral / The further truth retreats / Summer clouds drift by
• Better than silence / Speaking yet conveying nothing / Perfect disguise

Kanji / Chinese Characters

政府会議発言自動流行語変換人工知能導入 機密保護目的情報漏洩対策徹底 内容不明状態全国拡大

Emoji

🏛️🎙️🤖💬➡️🌀📊❓🔒😶

Onomatopoeia

Buzz buzz, yap yap, clatter clatter, mumble mumble, clap clap, poof poof, fluffy fluffy, sparkle sparkle, tap tap, silence…

SNS

• Today’s cabinet summary makes absolutely no sense but the vibes are there #BuzzwordAI
• Zero information leaks because there’s zero information to begin with #SecurityPatch
• Please don’t discuss national strategy with “That’s intense synergy”
• The meeting minutes have fully become corporate slide energy and I’m shook #BureaucracyDX
• Both spies and citizens making the same confused face lmao
• The more empty the explanation, the more compliance vibes it gives off #ComplianceTheater
• Tried to explain politics to my kid but I don’t understand the AI-speak myself
• History textbooks decades from now: “All documents from this era are simply emotional”
• Apparently if you say a specific term in meetings, the AI scolds you with “That’s seriously an NG word”
• At this point just auto-generate all campaign promises with buzzwords too