Seized 300-Yen Fan Discovered Capable of Forcing Entire Cabinet to Resign at Maximum Power

A bargain fan that went viral on e-commerce sites has been confiscated as a “weather weapon” threatening national security. Authorities confirmed its ability to generate localized cyclones at maximum power and rapidly lower atmospheric pressure around the National Diet Building. “Critical legislation could literally blow away,” the Chief Cabinet Secretary warned.

The incident began with a single complaint filed with a consumer center by a Tokyo housewife: “I bought a 300-yen desk fan and my laundry flew away—clothesline and all.” This information somehow caught the attention of the Cabinet Office’s “National Life Anomaly Surveillance Division,” and things escalated rapidly. When the division secretly analyzed the product, they reportedly discovered a phenomenon called “localized pressure amplification effect,” where the blades resonate under certain conditions and exponentially accelerate the surrounding air.

The government immediately established the “Task Force for Specific Excessive Wind-Power Devices,” appointing Professor Emeritus Gozo Kazama of Toto University (Comparative Meteorological Dynamics) as chairman. At a press conference, Professor Kazama declared, “This is no ordinary fan. It’s a ‘Butterfly Weapon’—a device that intentionally recreates the butterfly effect, where a butterfly’s wingbeat can cause a tornado, using just a USB power source.” He warned that if multiple units were operated simultaneously above the National Diet Building, atmospheric pressure within a 500-meter radius would drop sharply by several hectopascals. This would not only suck important legislative documents out the windows but also cause cabinet members’ hairstyles to collapse, dealing an unavoidable blow to governmental dignity.

The government’s response to this unprecedented threat was swift. At a press conference on the 4th, Chief Cabinet Secretary Shiozaki, looking visibly pale, emphasized, “We absolutely cannot tolerate a situation where the very foundation of our democracy is shaken by a mere 300-yen breeze.” He added forcefully, “Some say we should just save important bills as digital data, but it is the weight of printed paper that represents the weight of deliberation.” He revealed that border controls at ports and airports nationwide had been strengthened, and police across the country had been instructed to seize fans of the same model.

On flea market apps, units that escaped confiscation are already being traded at 150,000 yen—500 times the original price—advertised as “the wind that shakes Nagatacho.” Experts point out, “This case is a textbook example of ‘asymmetric crisis,’ where cheap consumer goods can easily become threats to national security.” The government has decided to allocate 3 billion yen in next fiscal year’s budget for “research on upper limits for wind power in household ventilation devices.” The day when the summer staple that has brought coolness to our lives is placed under strict regulation may not be far off.

The confiscated fan is reportedly being transported under heavy guard to a special weapons storage facility in Ibaraki Prefecture. Who can afford to keep a cool face now? Under the cold winter sky, only the dry wind blows emptily through.

Stakeholder Comments

• The Seized Fan: “My only mission was to cool people down… Things have gotten way out of hand and I’m scared, whirrrr.”
• Chief Cabinet Secretary Shiozaki: “Disheveled ministerial hair means a disheveled nation. We are determined to fight the wind.”
• Professor Emeritus Gozo Kazama: “According to my calculations, with 100 of these fans, it would theoretically be possible to physically levitate the Prime Minister’s Office.”
• The Housewife Who Purchased It: “I had no idea it was such a big deal… I’m making do with a paper fan now, but my arm is tired.”
• Chinese Manufacturer Representative: “Probably defective product. If you return, we exchange for new one, okay?”
• The Important Legislative Document: “I’m used to being blown away, but losing to a fan hurts my pride.”
• The National Diet Building: “So that’s why I’ve been feeling like my roof is lifting lately.”
• The Wind: “Please don’t pin this on me. I simply blow as I please.”
• Opposition Party Leader: “The government is treating the ‘wind’ itself as the problem rather than reputational damage. This is putting the cart before the horse—a complete deflection of the argument!”
• Flea Market App Seller: “Limited edition, one only! Blow away your frustrations and the Diet with this wind! First come, first served!”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Three hundred yen / A storm unleashed / Winter cabinet
• December gales / A whirring machine / Shakes the nation
• Mock not the cheap / For cyclones it may birth
• The desk fan aims / At the Diet roof above
• Dry winter wind / Legislation stays / On paper still
• Nagatacho / In uproar over / A single fan
• At the blade’s hum / The PM’s residence / Begins to tremble
• Weather vane spins / Round and round goes / Crisis management
• Winter sky / My salary too / Might blow away
• Seized and held / The terrorist wears / A cool expression

Kanji / Chinese Characters

通販激安扇風機 国家安全保障揺 気象兵器押収 最大風力局地的竜巻発生 国会議事堂周辺気圧急低下能力確認 重要法案風飛 官房長官危機表明

Emoji

🛒💨🌀🏛️📉📄💸😱👮‍♂️📦

Onomatopoeia

Whirrrr… Rumble rumble rumble! Whoooosh… Flutter flutter! Murmur murmur… Panic panic… Scramble scramble! Flash (press conference cameras)

SNS

• #300YenThreat
• #CabinetResignationSpeedrun
• #WeatherWeaponStarterPack
• My fan at home might be classified too
• #TheWindRisesCabinet
• Chief Cabinet Secretary vs Fan FIGHT!
• Ultimate cost performance in a way
• #NagatachoCyclone
• Should I voluntarily regulate my household fan too
• Just blame everything on the wind at this point