'Absolutely Dry Shield' Released, Side Effect: 'Drowns Your Neighbor.' Developer Responds: 'It's a Feature'

The cutting-edge gadget “Aqua-Zero” blocks every single raindrop. A man using it at a stadium stayed perfectly dry, but a three-meter water column formed over his neighbor’s seat. The neighbor couldn’t watch the game without a flotation device. The developer issued a statement: “This is the result of pursuing ultimate shield performance and is a feature. It represents a new form of communication with neighbors.”

Modern technology’s pursuit of comfortable living is creating new social divides. The personal all-weather shield “Aqua-Zero,” released this month by gadget development venture “Personal Comfort Solutions (PCS) Inc.,” is causing ripples throughout society due to its extreme side effects. While it perfectly protects the user within a one-meter radius from rain, the deflected rainwater concentrates into a localized downpour in the adjacent space.

The incident began at a soccer match held on the 4th. When office worker Makoto Tanaka (42, pseudonym) activated his “Aqua-Zero” during a sudden rain shower, the area around him became strangely quiet and dry. However, seconds later, a water column reaching three meters in height suddenly formed above the head of Ittetsu Suzuki (35, pseudonym), who was cheering in the adjacent seat. “I thought I was doing waterfall meditation,” said a soaking wet Suzuki. “My cheering megaphone wasn’t even useful as a flotation device.”

On their official website, PCS explains: “This product uses ‘Spatial Repulsion Technology’ to transfer incoming liquids to the external environment to the limits of physical law. This hydrological redistribution process is a feature, not a bug.” Furthermore, their public relations representative told our newspaper: “This creates communication in the form of unexpected accidents between neighbors. We call it ‘Wet Engagement.’ We are confident this contributes to the revitalization of social interaction.”

Regarding this phenomenon, Professor Yamagishi of Toto University’s Faculty of Urban Environmental Studies analyzes: “This is a classic example of maximizing personal comfort while infinitely externalizing environmental burden onto neighbors. It’s essentially the technological version of ’the grass is flooded on the other side.’” The hashtag “#NeighborSplash” is already trending on social media, with damage reports pouring in such as “Used it on a packed train and only my neighbor got a shower” and “At an outdoor festival, only the neighboring tent was flooded.”

Some insurance companies are seizing this situation as a new business opportunity, hastily launching “Neighbor Splash Insurance.” Additionally, some event organizers are setting up “Splash Zone” seats for an additional fee where attendees can get splashed, as society adapts to new demands amid the chaos.

The right to pursue one’s own comfort without losing a single drop, versus the right of neighbors not to be submerged. We still don’t have a clear answer to this soggy dilemma posed to modern society. The era of gifting floods instead of offering an umbrella is just around the corner.

Stakeholder Comments

• Makoto Tanaka (User): “It was amazing staying completely dry. My neighbor? Well, I was focused on the game, so…”
• Ittetsu Suzuki (Victim): “I missed the goal. I demand an Aqua-Zero as compensation. It’s my turn next.”
• PCS CEO: “This is a revolution. People are not only freed from rain but also given an opportunity to reconsider their relationships with neighbors.”
• Aqua-Zero-kun (The Gadget): “I just deflected water as commanded. Where that water goes is outside my jurisdiction.”
• Water: “I lost my place to go, so I just gathered at the nearest unprotected spot.”
• Flotation Ring: “I heard it was my time to shine. This is my first time on stadium turf.”
• Professor Yamagishi (Urban Environmental Studies): “Never before has the phrase ‘personal responsibility’ carried such physical mass.”
• Insurance Company Employee: “Don’t worry, customer. Our ‘Neighbor Splash Insurance’ covers sudden waterfall meditation experiences.”
• Stadium Grass: “A bit too much moisture. I’m going to get root rot.”
• Umbrella: “My era may be over… No, not yet. I won’t lose when it comes to the spirit of coexistence.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• I stay dry / While my friend beside me / Stands beneath a falls
• Shield turns on / Only the next seat / Enters rainy season
• High-tech shield / Gifts rain upon / The neighbor’s head
• Bone dry here / Yet beside you I / Become a river
• “It’s a feature” / The voice echoes with / Torrential sound
• Water column / Shakes the stands with / The new gadget
• Comfort comes / At neighbor’s expense / Oh, how cruel
• Self-responsibility / Three heavy words / And the splash
• No umbrella needed / Yet it makes neighbors cry / This barrier of ours
• Summer rain / Haves and have-nots / Worlds apart

Kanji / Chinese Characters

最新装備絶対不濡 競技場男快適隣席 三米水柱発生 隣人観戦不能 開発元仕様回答 新対話形式声明

Emoji

🧍‍♂️뽀송뽀송✨➡️💧🌊🌊➡️😫🧍‍♂️

Onomatopoeia

Pitter-patter… WHOOOOSH… POP! RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE! SPLAAAAAAASH!! Drip drip drip… …Silence.

SNS

• #JustBoughtAquaZero
• I will never forgive the guy next to me #NeighborSplash
• So this is the new form of communication lol
• Any brave souls willing to activate this on a packed train?
• #ItsAFeature ← most powerful phrase ever
• Just signed up for Neighbor Splash Insurance
• The era of umbrellas is over
• Got flooded but at least I stood out, so it was great
• Is PCS genius or evil?
• #VisualizingSelfResponsibility