Tax Authority Raids Snowman on Money Laundering Charges; Seized Evidence Includes 'Large Amount of Melted Cash'

A giant snowman that was the symbol of a city charity has been raided by the National Tax Authority. Inside, investigators discovered an elaborate device that “washed” donations with meltwater and discharged them as “purified funds.” The defense team claims, “This is an art piece expressing nature’s purification process.”

Black sedans slicing through the crisp winter air pulled into Central Park early on the morning of the 30th. The elite investigators of the National Tax Authority’s Investigation Division, commonly known as “Marusa,” headed straight for “Snow Big Brother,” a 5-meter-tall giant snowman beloved as a symbol of charity fundraising. The snow sculpture faced allegations of income tax law violations and violations of the Organized Crime Punishment Law (concealment of criminal proceeds).

According to investigators, the snowman’s body was hollow inside, and donations (mainly coins) inserted through the bucket on its head were “washed” by meltwater generated as temperatures rose. The washed coins traveled through a built-in small pump and tubes, flowing as “Pure Cash Flow” from the drainage at its feet into underground waterways connected to specific accounts. Seized items included a large amount of wet coins and approximately 500 liters of “melted cash,” which authorities called “extremely liquid assets.”

In response to this unprecedented crackdown, the art collective “Frozen Legals,” claiming to be the snowman’s defense team, immediately issued a statement. They strongly protested, saying, “This is installation art themed on ’the melting of capitalism’ and ‘purification,’ and the Tax Authority’s intervention is a blasphemy against freedom of expression.” The lead defense attorney asserted the artistic value, stating, “The meltwater is a requiem for dirty money. Its disappearance down the drain is nothing but a metaphor for the transience of value in modern society.”

Professor Haitani of Toto University of Economics, an expert in financial crimes, analyzed, “Physical ‘washing’—I’m impressed. It’s truly Columbus’s egg, or rather, the penguin’s iceberg. However, whether this can be recognized under tax law as ’necessary expenses accompanying art activities’ will test the aesthetic sense of the judiciary.” Meanwhile, art critic Jean-Pierre Yamada praised, “With the authorities’ raid as an ‘act’ added to it, this work can be said to be complete. The seized meltwater is the greatest ephemeral art of the 21st century,” sparking heated debate.

Citizens voiced anger with comments like “Give back our children’s dreams” and “Where did my 10-yen coin go?” while others expressed admiration, saying, “So tax countermeasures can become art now?” The Tax Authority is rushing to uncover the full picture before the snowman’s “melting” progresses, investigating the background and flow of funds. Will justice melt and flow away, or freeze under strict law? The unseasonably warm weather is making the case’s outcome unclear.

Stakeholder Comments

• Mr. Snowman: “I’m used to cold stares. But having my insides physically searched is offensive.”
• Tax Authority Inspector: “Whether it’s snow or ice, we don’t overlook opaque fund flows. We won’t let money freeze up.”
• Lead Defense Attorney: “This is postmodern snow art expressing ’the melting of capitalism.’ The authorities’ lack of understanding of art is being questioned.”
• Neighborhood Child: “I wonder if my 100-yen coin will come back all clean.”
• Financial Analyst: “These are extremely liquid assets, and they’re playing a role in cooling the market. In a sense, it’s healthy.”
• Art Critic: “The Tax Authority’s intervention itself is the final piece completing the work. The seized meltwater is the greatest art.”
• Crow: “I was wondering why shiny things stopped flowing by lately—so that’s why, caw.”
• The Sun: “I guess it’s almost my turn. I’ll cooperate with evidence destruction.”
• Donating Citizen (anonymous): “Where did my goodwill get washed away to…? At least give me a receipt…”
• The Snowman’s Hat (Bucket): “I just wanted to tell everyone to cool their heads.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Winter general / Even wallets freeze over / At the audit’s call
• Melting snow water / Carries both good and ill will / Washing all away
• In eyes of charcoal / Marusa’s dark shadow / Is reflected there
• Innocence will prove / By melting in due season / Awaiting the spring
• Ten-yen donation / Where does it flow once washed clean / Nobody can tell
• “It’s art!” proclaims loud / The snowy defendant stands / Chest puffed with such pride
• Seized and taken in / Just one bucket and melted / Dreams that slip away
• Below freezing point / Suspicions are boiling hot / A paradox blooms
• Receipt written down / On snow is just the same as / Writing it nowhere
• When springtime arrives / Acquittal is but bubbles / Vanishing in air

Kanji / Chinese Characters

街象徴巨大雪像国税家宅捜索内部寄付金雪解水洗浄純化資金排出巧妙装置発見弁護団自然浄化作用表現芸術作品主張

Emoji

⛄️💰💧➡️👮‍♂️🚔➡️🖼️⚖️🤷‍♂️

Onomatopoeia

Silence… Rustle rustle… Clink… Drip drip… Whoooosh… Sparkle!

SNS

• #SnowmanGate
• #MeltingEvidence
• #ThisIsArt
• #TaxAuthorityPickYourBattles
• #CharitysDarkSide
• #LiquidAssetsLiterally
• #TaxCountermeasureArt
• #GiveBackOurSnowman
• #FileYourTaxesWithIceWater
• #SnowBigBrotherWasWatching