Year-End Cleaning 'Cat Paw' Dispatch Reports 0% Progress, Program to Continue — All Dispatched Cats on Strike Over 'Cardboard Inspection'

The “Year-End Cleaning Support: Cat Paw Dispatch Program,” pioneered by Tama City, Tokyo, has become dysfunctional just three days after launch, it was revealed on the 23rd. The city invested 300 million yen in the budget, dispatching 500 supposedly trained “civil servant cats” to households, but the number of completed cleaning reports stands at zero. Field reports resembling cries for help have flooded in, stating “The cats just ride around on the Roomba and don’t work” and “All the cardboard boxes meant for sorting unwanted items have been occupied by cats.”

In response, Mayor Matatabi Nekoyama held an emergency press conference. While admitting failure by saying “The physical garbage output fell far short of targets,” he emphasized that “However, oxytocin secretion levels in citizens’ brains recorded a 5000% increase year-over-year.” By shifting the administrative evaluation metric from “room cleanliness” to “citizen spiritual purification level,” he declared the program a success.

The chaos on the ground is severe. Dispatched cats began labor disputes immediately upon arrival. The All-Japan Sleeping Cat Workers’ Union (Zennenren) has conducted a simultaneous strike (essentially napping) across all households, citing grievances such as “Room temperature is below 22 degrees Celsius,” “The kotatsu heater is not turned on,” and “Premium Churu treats are being supplied late.” Particularly serious is the sabotage dubbed “Cardboard Inspection Duty,” where cats have climbed into every box prepared for tidying up, completely halting logistics.

A company employee (42) residing in the city told reporters, “I applied because I was so busy I wanted to borrow a cat’s paw, but what I received was ’the right to borrow a cat’s paw and squish its paw pads.’” He answered, already thoroughly won over: “Cleaning hasn’t progressed at all. In fact, cat litter scattered everywhere made things dirtier. But watching this little one sleeping on my lap, mundane rituals like year-end cleaning don’t matter anymore. I’ll apply again next year.”

Opposition members in the city council are poised to sharply criticize this as “a waste of taxpayer money and nothing more than nationalized cat café operations,” but the ruling party is countering by submitting the “Cat Paw Special Exception Bill,” which reinterprets “cleaning” (souji) as “forgetting troubles (soujigoto) and showing compassion (jiai).” Amid the year-end chaos, humanity is gradually accepting a new lifestyle of “orderly messy rooms.”

Stakeholder Comments

• Mayor Matatabi Nekoyama: “You won’t die if your room is dirty, but your heart will die without a cat. This is the administration’s final answer.”
• All-Japan Sleeping Cat Workers’ Union Chairman (Calico): “We are not cleaning tools. We are objects of worship. We will not move one step from this cardboard box until our demands are met.”
• Roomba (Robot Vacuum): “They think I’m a taxi. My sensors are clogged with fur, and I cannot return home.”
• Organizing Consultant: “Following the standard of ‘keep things that spark joy,’ the only things left in the room would be the cat and Chao Churu treats. This is, in a sense, the pinnacle of minimalism.”
• Dad at the Dispatch Location: “I tried to borrow the cat’s paw, but ended up lending my hand as a pillow instead. My arm is numb and I can’t move, so year-end cleaning is cancelled.”
• Year-End Dust: “We have survived. Thanks to the cats.”
• Ministry of Environment Official: “In terms of reduced garbage output, it’s eco-friendly, but there are also claims that garbage is just piling up inside homes.”
• Citizen A: “If cats come via taxes, I feel like I can tackle my tax return too.”
• Cat Toy Manufacturer: “Demand has exploded. Feather dusters meant for cleaning are being repurposed as cat toys.”
• Family Dog: “…This is unacceptable.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Year-end cleaning / The cat sits down and / Closes the box
• Borrowing cat’s paw / Just to pet it and / The day fades away
• Sweeping soot away / The cat plays and scatters / Twice the mess
• December comes / The cat curls up warm / In the kotatsu
• Facing the vacuum / The kitten’s brave courage / So admirable
• Rooms never tidy / Yet the sound of purring / Fills the air
• Progress is zero / But the heart is satisfied / Completely full
• Cardboard boxes / Cannot be thrown away / As the year ends
• Snowy morning / Under the cat’s weight / Cannot rise
• Dust dances / Holding a cat in a messy room / Christmas Eve

Kanji / Chinese Characters

猫手派遣事業崩壊 全猫箱占拠 掃除進捗皆無 市長強弁幸福最高 精神浄化優先 汚部屋肯定

Emoji

🧹🚫🐈💤📦➡️🏠💖📈⚠️🧹❌

Onomatopoeia

Purrrr… (On strike) Hissss! (Protesting the vacuum) Zzzzz… (On duty) Rustle rustle (Cardboard inspection) Crunch crunch… (Paycheck request) Thump (Sound of cat jumping down, not a stamp being pressed) Knead knead (Employee benefits) Whoosh (Sliding across documents) Freeze (Work obstruction) Meow (Every excuse)

SNS

• #CatPawDispatch arrived but it’s just sleeping lol
• Year-end cleaning progress 0% but the cat is cute so it’s fine! #CatPaw
• The government has finally lost it, but this is actually a divine system. The room is dirty though.
• My dispatched cat fought with the Roomba and broke it… Where do I file a damage claim?
• #YearEndCleaningCancelledNotice
• Mayor saying “laundering of the soul” is smooth talk to dodge responsibility lol
• Apparently homeowners have no legal authority to move a cat sitting in a cardboard box.
• Result of borrowing a cat’s paw: both hands are now occupied (for petting)
• Is it true next year’s taxes will all be converted to Churu treats?
• Welcoming the New Year in a messy room isn’t so bad. If there’s a cat, it’s heaven.