"God Not Responding": Shrine with Fully Digital Offerings Has Sacred Object Encrypted by Ransomware

An unprecedented “divine disappearance” occurred on the 21st at Tsukubamine Cyber Shrine, which had been attracting attention as a model case for the “Shrine DX (Digital Transformation)” promoted by the Digital Agency. The shrine had just completed full cashless offerings and IoT integration of the main hall, but early that morning, the main hall management server was infected with ransomware “TENGU-LOCK 2.0.” The electronically controlled doors of the main hall were locked, and the “sacred object (high-definition 3D scan data)” backed up in the cloud became inaccessible due to advanced encryption.

Just last month, the shrine had eliminated physical offering boxes and fully adopted electronic payments as a countermeasure against frequent offering thieves. The system was supposed to “protect divine blessings from the hands of thieves,” but ironically, a faceless hacker group appearing from beyond the network has taken the god itself hostage. The criminal group is demanding a ransom equivalent to three years’ worth of offerings in Bitcoin in exchange for “thawing” the sacred object.

The scene is in utter chaos. To the press who rushed to the scene, head priest Amatsu K. Hiroto (48) continues to wave a purification wand (onusa) toward the flashing red main server, chanting prayers of “evil spirit exorcism.” While the priest insists, “Viruses are also a form of spiritual impurity. There’s no reason they can’t be purified through ritual cleansing,” an IT security company representative holds his head in his hands, saying, “Prayers cannot decrypt encryption keys.” Although the physical sacred object itself is enshrined deep within the main hall, since control of the electronic lock has been seized, it remains an “unopenable chamber” unless the door is physically destroyed.

The impact on worshippers is also severe. When visitors hold their smartphones to the tablet-type offering boxes installed in the shrine grounds, instead of a payment completion sound, an ominous beep rings out, and an error message reading “404 Wish Not Found” is displayed. A local housewife (62) who came to pray said anxiously, “I came to pray for my son’s success in entrance exams, but my wish was rejected due to a server error. I guess even the gods can’t overcome network congestion.”

Experts point out that this incident sounds an alarm about the hasty digitalization of the religious world. Associate Professor Sasaki of Toto University’s Faculty of Information Theology harshly criticized, “Faith involves analog physicality, but this is the result of neglecting the ‘barrier’ of security while pursuing convenience. When erecting a firewall around the divine realm, if you misconfigure port forwarding, it becomes a pathway for evil spirits (malware).”

Currently, the shrine is refusing to pay, stating that “paying ransom would become an offering to antisocial forces and thus violates our doctrine.” Instead, they have called upon programmer parishioners nationwide and begun “digital prayers (brute-force password analysis)” by white-hat hackers. Under the cold winter sky at year’s end, the sound of keyboards typing like sutra chanting echoes from the main hall. Whether the god will reboot or the data will return to the digital sea remains uncertain.

Stakeholder Comments

• Head Priest Amatsu K. Hiroto: “I thought the server overheating was divine wrath, but it turned out to be a cooling fan malfunction. Now I shall begin the ascetic practice of OS reinstallation.”
• Criminal Group (statement on the dark web): “We are the modern-day Ishikawa Goemon. If you wish to see the god’s data, hand over digital coins.”
• Elderly woman who came to worship: “They tell me to worship a QR code, but you know… I feel like the gods won’t notice unless you throw in a 5-yen coin.”
• Security Consultant: “With a password like ‘1192kamakura,’ even the gods couldn’t protect it.”
• Local youth: “My offering subscription is being automatically debited but my wishes aren’t getting through? That’s fraud.”
• Digital Offering Box OS: “A system error has occurred. To restart, please bow twice, clap twice, bow once, then tap the screen.”
• Server Administrator: “If prayers could fix this, we wouldn’t need overtime pay.”
• Guardian Lion-Dog in the Shrine Grounds (AI-equipped robot): “Woof! Suspicious packet detected! Shall I bite? (Firewall activated)”
• Spiritual Counselor: “The divine vibrations are being disrupted by digital noise. A new iPhone is required for purification.”
• Ransomware “TENGU-LOCK” Screen: “Your god has been encrypted. Time remaining: 24 hours.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Offerings fade / Into Bitcoin and vanish / Digital void
• Gods away today / In the server room echoes / The whir of fans
• Winter solstice day / Wishes return as errors / Four-oh-four
• Locked away tight / Even the sacred object / Freezes in winter
• Hacker’s fingertip / Just one touch is all it takes / Divine vanishing
• Clapping hands in prayer / Cannot reach the glowing screen / Red letters blink on
• Rather than prayers / Apply the patch, says the tech / Wisdom for our age
• In the cyber shrine / Echoes through the circuits now / Only lamentation
• New Year’s first visit / Server crashes, gods fall too / Digital darkness
• Purify us please / Both the bugs and viruses / Cast them all away

Kanji / Chinese Characters

筑波嶺神宮二一日 本殿電脳人質事件 賽銭完全電子化裏目 御神体暗号化封印 宮司柏手防壁無力 参拝願四〇四未検出

Emoji

⛩️💻🔒😱💸🚫👹👾⌨️🙏❌

Onomatopoeia

BUZZZ (error sound), click-click-click (desperate clicking), silence… (no response), WHIRR (server fan noise), clap-clap (hand clapping prayer), STATIC (noise), PING (ransom notification), CLUNK-CLUNK-CLUNK (electronic lock engaging), sigh… (priest’s lament), tap-tap-tap (hacking sounds)

SNS

• #ShrineHacked
• Threw in an offering and got an error refund lol Might get divine punishment
• Sacred object infected with ransomware, what kind of sci-fi is this
• Video of the priest performing exorcism on the server is so surreal it’s going viral
• #404WishNotFound is trending lmao
• So gods need security software now huh…
• There’s a crowdfunding campaign to pay the ransom and recover the sacred object lol
• My rural hometown shrine was about to go digital but stopped after seeing this
• Recruiting for digital prayer team. Seeking onmyoji who can code Python
• In the end, physical keys are the strongest