Million-Yen Luxury Wi-Fi Defeated by Neighbor's Microwave. Wealthy Furious at Neighbor for Reheating Food

An unprecedented situation has occurred where “Celestial Stream,” a satellite internet service offered by the famous brand “Elysian Connect” to wealthy customers for one million yen per month, has been brought to its knees by a household microwave costing just a few thousand yen. When investigating complaints resembling cries of distress—“the connection keeps dropping”—from the lofty penthouse fortresses, the culprit was found to be the microwaves emitted when neighbors heated frozen pizza. The symbol of wealth, ultra-high-speed communication, fell silent before the humble dinner of the common folk.

“Celestial Stream” is a service that promises “a serene digital space isolated from the noise of terrestrial infrastructure,” utilizing low-orbit satellite constellations and quantum encryption technology. Its users are primarily executives and investors residing in ultra-high-rise condominiums in the city center. They have been paying one million yen per month for split-second online trading and lag-free video conferences with the other side of the world. However, in recent weeks, complaints such as “the connection dropped during an important transaction” and “my avatar froze during a VR meeting” have flooded the support center.

Initially, Elysian Connect assembled its top engineers to investigate, considering solar flares, sophisticated cyberattacks from hostile organizations, and even radio interference from unidentified flying objects. However, what the state-of-the-art spectrum analyzer pointed to as the culprit was far too unexpected. Communication became significantly unstable only during the two minutes when an ordinary, older microwave oven using the common 2.4GHz frequency band was operating in the unit next door.

The person using the microwave in question was Mr. Yamada (pseudonym, 35), an office worker living in the adjacent unit. “Huh, my microwave? I often heat up frozen pizza from sales…” he said, unable to hide his bewilderment when interviewed. “I had no idea my dinner was affecting billions of yen in transactions next door. Should I start notifying them in advance when I’m going to use it?” he said with an expression that was unclear whether it was goodwill or sarcasm.

In response to this situation, Elysian Connect commented on the 17th: “The radio waves we provide are as delicate as works of art made from carefully selected, highest-quality materials. Unexpected noise from outside may damage their purity.” Furthermore, they released a statement that had reached the realm of Zen dialogue: “True luxury does not lie in monopolization, but in harmony with one’s surroundings and in the spirit of mutual consideration. We hope this will be a good opportunity to reconsider communication with your neighbors.” This statement, which could be taken as an effective abdication of responsibility, has further fueled the anger of users.

This incident has starkly revealed the cruel reality that technological superiority does not necessarily correlate with price. ICT critic Mr. Ando analyzed: “No matter how expensive a system is, it is powerless before the absolute rules of physics. This is a modern fable brought about by overconfidence in technology and consumption as a status symbol.” Among the wealthy, a self-defense measure is reportedly beginning to trend: investigating the make and model of their neighbor’s microwave and “gifting” them a high-end microwave equipped with the latest radio wave leakage countermeasures. Thus, the seeds of a new neighbor dispute have begun to smolder quietly, along with the microwaves.

Stakeholder Comments

• User (Wealthy): “My one million yen lost to my neighbor’s frozen pizza. This is practically an act of terrorism against the nation.”
• Neighbor, Mr. Yamada: “Lately, I’ve been receiving a lot of fancy ham and such from next door… I wonder if they’re trying to ask me when I use the microwave?”
• Elysian Connect CEO: “Our service chooses its environment. We also require our customers to have the power to design their own living sphere. That is true status.”
• The Microwave (Panasonic, 2015 model): “BWOOOOM… DING! I am operating energetically today as well! I think, therefore I am!”
• Radio Waves (2.4GHz band): “Between Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, and microwaves, it’s like a packed train over here! Someone please move to the 5GHz band!”
• Frozen Pizza: “If I can be heated and eaten deliciously, I think the world is at peace.”
• ICT Critic Mr. Ando: “In the end, this is a highly suggestive case study that shows you can’t bend the laws of physics with money. I’d like to include it in textbooks.”
• Real Estate Agent: “Future sales pitches for luxury properties will be: ‘This property has successfully recruited non-microwave-using households in adjacent units.’”
• Celestial Stream Router: “(whispering) …I’m delicate… It’s not just that I’m expensive… Please leave me alone…”
• The Concept of One Million Yen Per Month: “…What exactly is my value…?”

International Expressions

Haiku

• A million yen / vanishes in pizza’s heat wave / into the mist
• At the “ding” / the castle of wealth / bows down
• Satellite waves / before the microwave / are powerless
• The penthouse / resents the neighbor’s / evening meal
• Mutual yielding / that is true luxury / on a winter night
• Frozen pizza thaws / contracts dissolve / digital age
• Rich man’s scream / drowned out by / the reheating sound
• Radio interference / a microcosm / of class divide
• “Delicate,” they say / as an excuse / winter deepens
• New wealth means / the right to choose / one’s neighbors

Kanji / Chinese Characters

高級衛星通信網 隣家電子調理器惨敗 富裕層隣人激怒 会社側声明「譲合心贅沢」

Emoji

💰🛰️📶 🆚 🏠⚡️🍕 ➡️ 🚫📶😡

Onomatopoeia

Sparkle sparkle… Glitter glitter… (luxury Wi-Fi operating)… BWOOOOOOM… (microwave starts)… DIIIING! (cooking complete)… Click… (connection lost)… Silence… (quiet)… GASP! (wealthy person’s despair)

SNS

• #TragedyOfLuxuryWiFi
• #MicrowaveSupremacy
• #HowToSpendOneMillionYenAMonth
• #WhatIsMutualConsideration
• #NeighborLotteryFail
• #MaybeMYMicrowaveToo
• #DigitalDetoxRecommended
• #CantPayToDefyPhysics
• #ElysianConnect
• #HopeThisIsJustARichPeopleThing