Exorcism Tax Hits 100%: Mandatory 'Poltergeist Power Generation' Turns Peaceful Homes into Energy Refugees

The government approved the “Spiritual Resource Utilization Special Measures Act” on the 5th, positioning physical movements from paranormal phenomena as “inexhaustible domestic energy.” Exorcised properties are now heavily taxed as “non-eco,” and households where plates don’t fly at midnight can barely charge their smartphones. Currently, “special-grade cursed objects” are being traded on Mercari at three times their original price in an abnormal rush to secure electricity.

The new energy plan “Spiritual Power 2030” announced by the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry’s Spiritual Affairs Bureau has shocked the nation. It mandates the collection and power generation from rapping sounds and poltergeist phenomena—previously avoided—as vibrational and kinetic energy. “Ghosts don’t stop working even after death—the ultimate sustainable energy (SDGs),” the minister proudly declared, but the reality is yet another burden on citizens’ lives.

With this law’s implementation, the status of so-called “stigmatized properties” has reversed. Properties where cupboards open and close on their own at midnight are now eligible for subsidies as “high-efficiency power generation housing,” while peaceful homes where nothing happens face a newly created “Exorcism Tax” equal to 100% of their property tax. Exorcism rituals are now considered “rebellion against a decarbonized society” for deliberately destroying precious energy resources, with severe cases facing imprisonment.

A 45-year-old company employee living in Tokyo said with an exhausted expression, “Our house is new construction, and not a single ghost appears. We’re desperately trying to summon spirits by playing Kokkuri-san with the whole family every night just to charge our kids’ game consoles.” Meanwhile, the real estate industry is booming. Properties that previously couldn’t find buyers—those “next to old tunnels” or “with ancient wells”—are now flooded with inquiries, and during viewings, praise such as “What wonderful chills!” and “With this heavy atmosphere, we could generate 300kWh per month” fills the air.

In response to this distorted demand, cursed object prices are skyrocketing in the secondhand market. Particularly, “Ichimatsu dolls whose hair grows” are attracting investors’ keen interest, as their growth energy can also be converted to biomass power generation. On major flea market apps, straw effigies and cursed hanging scrolls are selling out in seconds, with “curse resellers” amassing fortunes.

However, experts are voicing concerns. The director of the Itako Cybernetics Research Institute at Osorezan University, a leading expert in spiritual energy engineering, points out, “When converting resentment to electricity, there’s a risk of residual ‘curses’ remaining as conversion loss.” In fact, health issues have begun to be reported, such as entire families who bathed in water heated by poltergeist power starting to walk upside down. How will the light gained at the cost of peaceful living illuminate our future? The government’s aggressive “spirit energy” promotion is literally plunging citizens into the depths of terror.

Stakeholder Comments

• Spiritual Affairs Bureau Director: “It doesn’t emit CO2, but it does emit screams. This is the next-generation clean energy.”
• Exorcist (now unemployed): “I was told my work was environmental destruction. I’ve now found a new job as a ‘spirit enhancer’ who angers spirits to activate them.”
• Stigmatized property resident: “I used to be too scared to sleep, but now I’m rolling in money from selling electricity. The nightly rapping sounds now sound like coins clinking.”
• Owner of hair-growing doll: “The growth has slowed down, so I’m treating it with hair conditioner. The maintenance costs are no joke.”
• Curse reseller: “More people are selling fake cursed objects. Dealing with complaints like ‘Nothing bad happened at all’ is exhausting.”
• Electric company spokesperson: “Don’t panic during blackouts. Power will be restored at the witching hour.”
• Earthbound spirit (400 years old): “I never thought I’d be forced to work even after death. I want to file a complaint with the labor board, but there’s an ofuda talisman on the door.”
• Elementary school student: “Dad, what’s for dinner tonight?” “Sorry, your mom is possessed right now, so she can only prepare raw meat.”
• Home appliance manufacturer R&D: “Our new ‘Psychic Refrigerator’ uses spirit disturbances to cool food to absolute zero.”
• Exorcism movie fan: “It’s the end of the world when The Exorcist is just treated as a ‘power grid terrorist.’”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Plates fly through air / Charging smartphones in the night / Winter’s haunted power
• Ghostly grudges heat / The bathwater to boiling / Vengeful energy
• Taxed for exorcism / Cannot cleanse the haunted home / Property burden
• Rapping sounds bring peace / Batteries charging safely / Spirit-powered night
• Buying curses now / App screen freezes my fingers / Market of the damned
• At the witching hour / Turbines spin with ghostly wind / Power generation
• New construction stands / Silence in the darkness taxed / Heavy is the peace
• Stroking growing hair / Of the doll I tend each night / Waiting for tomorrow
• Eco-friendly yet / The family’s smiles have vanished / Lost to spirit power
• Exorcist job hunts / Through the labor office halls / Deep in winter snow

Kanji / Chinese Characters

政府霊的資源閣議決定 皿飛躍枯渇無国産力 除霊済物件非環境課税 特級呪物転売価格高騰

Emoji

👻⚡🏠💡📈💸🚫📿🏺🥶

Onomatopoeia

Rattle-rattle, shiver-shiver… WHIRRR! Knock-knock-knock (rapping sounds), FLASH! (charging complete). Whooo-rumble-rumble, bzzzz… KYAAAH! Crackle-crackle-crackle (not applause—electrical discharge). Shudder, jingle-jingle. WHOOSH (plates flying), CLICK (Mercari listing sound).

SNS

• #NoExorcismTax
• My house ghost has been slacking lately, voltage is low. Anyone know how to make them angry?
• Finally got a stigmatized property! Free electricity AND selling power income! Winning!
• The “cursed mirror” I bought on Mercari was just junk from Hard Off. Lawsuit incoming.
• Got raided by tax investigators after performing an exorcism. Japan is done.
• The TV turning on by itself at 2 AM is great as an eco feature, but it’s killing my mental health.
• #SDGs #SpiritualDeadGeneration
• I want to write off the haircut costs for my hair-growing doll as business expenses.
• Got my power cut because I have no psychic ability. Someone curse me please.
• The government is ignoring ghosts’ human rights (spirit rights)! Time for a protest march! (Even without legs!)