New iPhone Abolishes Charging Port, Introduces 'Official Spice Ejection Nozzle' — Device Locks If Non-Certified Salt Is Used

Apple Inc. announced its new device, the “iPhone 17 Pro Max Spicy,” at a special event held at its Cupertino headquarters on the 5th local time. The device completely abolishes the charging port and instead features a “MagSpice Port” — an official spice ejection nozzle.

CEO Tim Cook demonstrated the device by spraying saffron directly onto paella from the phone on stage, triumphantly declaring, “This isn’t just seasoning. This is the reinvention of taste.”

The headline feature is the company’s proprietary “Spatial Flavor” technology. A LiDAR scanner analyzes the 3D shape and thermal signature of food, while AI determines the optimal timing and angle for spice delivery. Where the conventional USB-C port once resided, microscopic nano-nozzles have been installed. By loading the separately sold “iSpice Cartridge,” users can switch between and spray up to four flavors, including basil, rock salt, and curry powder. Charging is now wireless-only via MagSafe, and physical data transfer has also been eliminated. Cook stated, “The age of cables is over. Now begins the age of aroma.”

However, this innovative feature comes with Apple’s characteristically strict restrictions. The ejection nozzle is equipped with an advanced ingredient analysis sensor called “Taste ID,” which immediately triggers a security lock if any seasoning without Apple’s official “MFi (Made for iPhone) certification” is used. When a reporter at the announcement venue attempted to load commercially available “Hakata no Shio” salt, the device emitted Siri’s cold warning: “Unidentified sodium chloride detected. Taste integrity cannot be verified.” The screen flashed red, and all data on the device was wiped.

The company explains that its official salt, “Apple Salt Pro” (5g, ¥4,800 including tax), “contains titanium particles and dissolves on the tongue 30% faster than regular salt.” Additionally, subscribers to the monthly service “Apple One Seasoning” will receive carefully selected pepper delivered to their homes each month. In response, the EU’s competition authorities reacted immediately. “First charging ports, now taste standardization? This is clear market monopolization and violates consumers’ ‘right to use inferior salt,’” they stated, suggesting an investigation under the Digital Markets Act (DMA).

Despite the criticism, reactions from devoted Apple users have been favorable. Lines have already formed outside the Apple Store Omotesando seeking samples of the “official salt” before its release. One male fan, tears streaming down his face, said: “Apple salt really does have superior particle resolution. Android salt is just salty, but iPhone salt has a story. ¥4,800 is actually a bargain. The risk of having your data wiped adds a spice of forbidden pleasure.”

An IT industry analyst commented, “Apple is attempting to transform from a hardware company into one that manages lifestyle — and ultimately human physiological functions themselves.” Will our lives — following phone calls, work, and entertainment — now have even “meal seasoning” controlled by the Silicon Valley giant? In the future, we might commonly hear people asking at izakaya pubs, “Excuse me, is this fried chicken iOS-compatible?”

Stakeholder Comments

• Tim Cook, CEO: “Let’s add magic to your lunch. But only with our magic (official powder).”
• EU Competition Commissioner: “USB-C was one thing, but spice ports? Are they trying to monopolize our blood pressure too?”
• Longtime Apple devotee: “It locks if you use other companies’ salt? Of course. Putting impure minerals into such a refined chassis is sacrilege.”
• Siri: “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Or, that soy sauce is copyright protected.”
• Local Western-style restaurant owner: “Customers are pointing their phones at their Napolitan and spraying powder. I wonder about the hygiene of that.”
• “Hakata no Shio” PR representative: “We never imagined our salt would be treated as an ‘unauthorized device’…”
• Gadget YouTuber: “Today we’re testing which can brick an iPhone faster — Apple Salt Pro or 100-yen store salt!”
• Investor: “A subscription model for taste is genius. Salt addiction and Apple addiction are a perfect match.”
• Public Safety AI: “Illegal spice download detected. Bow at a right angle immediately.”
• iPhone 17 Pro Max Spicy: “Psshhhh. (Sound of curry powder being sprayed)”

International Expressions

Haiku

• From the apple fruit, curry powder erupts, winter morning
• Only pure salt allowed, the gatekeeper stands firm
• Data wiped clean, tears taste salty, flavor of lost love
• Europe’s fury cannot mask the scent of spice
• From the screen, fragrant future, and the bill arrives
• Siri rejects, seasonings without certification
• Spatial flavor, colors the taste, Pro Max device
• Devotees’ hands, clutching salt, forming lines
• Cables vanish, but spices remain
• Monopoly’s seasoning, strong in Silicon Valley

Kanji / Chinese Characters

米林檎社五日 新携帯香辛料噴射口搭載発表 他社製塩使用即時端末封鎖 欧州激怒信者感涙塩解像度

Emoji

📱💨🍛➡️😋🚫🧂➡️🔒💀🇪🇺💢🍎🧂✨🤑

Onomatopoeia

Psshhhh, pitter-patter. Beep beep beep, “Unauthorized salt detected.” Whirr, click (locking sound). Smugly… (Tim Cook). Murmur murmur, buzz buzz (EU Parliament). Sparkle sparkle (official salt).

SNS

• #iPhone17Spicy
• #AppleSaltTooExpensive
• About how all my photos got deleted when I put in Hakata salt
• Is this supposed to be innovation…?
• #SpatialFlavor
• Curry powder clogged and now I can’t make calls lmao
• EU losing their minds incident
• The taste of official salt is seriously Retina-level crisp
• Saw someone holding up their iPhone at a ramen shop
• Seven-spice accidentally exploded in my pocket, lawsuit incoming