Government Officially Approves Otoshidama as 'Pension Laundering': Grandchildren's Mobile Game Spending Now 'Tax-Free Public Works'

On the 2nd, the government approved through cabinet decision the interpretation that “Otoshidama,” the New Year’s tradition of giving money to children, constitutes “Strategic Fund Laundering (Pension Laundering)” — a mechanism that circulates financial assets concentrated among the elderly to IT companies via young people (primarily minors). As a result, allowances to grandchildren will no longer be considered mere gifts but will be positioned as “sacred rituals for escaping deflation.”

According to the “Lucky Envelope Economic Strategy Council” established under Ministry of Finance leadership, Japan’s mattress money is estimated at approximately 100 trillion yen. How to drag this hoarded wealth into the market has been a long-standing challenge. The solution they focused on was grandchildren — the “ultimate collection filter.” Grandparents, driven by the pure motivation of wanting to see their grandchildren smile (love connection), unhesitatingly stuff cash into envelopes. The grandchildren who receive it immediately convert the cash into prepaid cards at convenience stores and pour it into mobile game gacha. This entire process takes only a few hours. It’s the completion of an ultra-high-speed consumption cycle unparalleled anywhere in the world.

“Otoshidama is the alchemy site where physical banknotes sublimate into ‘magic stones’ or ‘saint quartz’ in digital data.” The Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry representative emphasized this at a press conference in Tokyo. The government is now considering a special measure to effectively exempt gift taxes for grandparents when grandchildren draw rare characters (SSR) from gacha, regarding the dopamine secretion from gambling excitement as “mental dividends.” The rationale is that since in-game purchases cover game company server maintenance costs, which in turn develops IT infrastructure, this is essentially “public works.”

However, mixed reactions are emerging from grandparents on the ground. A 78-year-old man from Nerima Ward, Tokyo, witnessed his grandson shouting “I got nuked!” (meaning he didn’t get what he wanted from gacha) at the kotatsu immediately after handing over 30,000 yen scraped from his meager pension. “My pension vanished into electronic dust in an instant. So trickle-down doesn’t trickle from top to bottom — it evaporates upward to servers.” The man stared at the smartphone screen with a distant look, trying to achieve a Zen-like understanding of the fact that his retirement funds had become maintenance costs for fictional anime girl character data.

Experts analyze this system as “the final form of intergenerational exploitation.” Professor Uryu of Teito University’s Faculty of Socioeconomics pointed out, “In the past, children kept the economy moving at candy shops, but now a black hole called gacha swallows everything. Lucky envelopes have become ‘money laundering bags’ that cleanse cash and remit it to game companies.” He further left an ominous prophecy: “Around next year, ‘Brainwave de Otoshidama’ will be implemented, allowing direct transfers from grandfather’s account to grandson’s game account just by holding a My Number card to the forehead.”

New Year’s family gathering, on the kotatsu table lies mandarin oranges and empty lucky envelopes. Only the smartphone screen glows cold and blue. Grandfather’s love becomes data, flowing from grandson’s fingernails to the far reaches of the cloud. The economy keeps spinning, even if it’s a rotation of substanceless illusions.

Stakeholder Comments

• Grandson (5th grade elementary): “Grandpa’s Yukichi (10,000 yen note) was reborn as ‘Hero Ortega (Awakened ver)’! I can save the world with this, so it’s basically volunteer work.”
• Grandfather (unemployed): “The money I scraped from my food budget became swords and shields on a screen. Is this-worldly benefit truly this fleeting?”
• Mobile Game Company CEO: “We merely hold children’s dreams in trust and manage elderly people’s assets. The heat from our servers is the warmth between generations.”
• Lucky Envelope: “My role lasts but a moment. I exist to wrap cash and camouflage the guilt.”
• Eiichi Shibusawa (new 10,000 yen note portrait): “I just became the portrait, yet I’m immediately converted to digital data. Is this ‘Gacha and Microtransactions’ rather than ‘The Analects and the Abacus’?”
• Ministry of Finance Official: “We obtained empirical data showing that grandchildren’s begging is more effective than tax increases for extracting mattress money.”
• Convenience Store Clerk: “90% of New Year’s work is selling prepaid cards to children clutching their otoshidama. We’re the modern-day express messengers.”
• Gacha Animation (rainbow): “Congratulations! Your grandfather’s pension is radiating a wonderful glow!”
• Chest of Drawers: “My belly has felt lighter lately. Lonely, yet somewhat relieved.”
• Economist: “This isn’t waste. It’s a voluntary currency incineration experiment as a countermeasure against hyperinflation.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Lucky envelope / Opens for mere seconds then / Sound of in-app buys
• Pension melting down / Shining brilliantly as / Rainbow-colored stones
• Grandson laughs with glee / Inside the smartphone screen / Spring has disappeared
• Yukichi takes flight / Beyond the gacha’s horizon / New Year’s first sunrise
• Otoshidama given / And grandfather’s role is done / Nothing more remains
• At the kotatsu / Asset laundering proceeds / By grandchild’s own hand
• Got nuked by gacha / Looking up at early spring sky / The grandchild sighs deep
• To the servers go / Pension offerings like coins / Temple donation?
• Into virtual / The real world fades away / New Year’s soup simmers
• Grandfather’s deep love / Heavier than any / Login bonus gift

Kanji / Chinese Characters

政府認可弐日 年金洗浄公式化 孫遊戯課金 公共事業非課税 祖父涙拭

Emoji

👴💴✉️➡️👦📱💎🔥🏢📈💸😭

Onomatopoeia

Ka-ching! Pop open, sparkle sparkle sparkle… BOOM! Whoooosh (sound of Yukichi being sucked in) Tap, spin spin spin… Silence… (gacha failure) Clank clank clank (sound of economy turning)

SNS

• #OtoshidamaLaundering
• Gonna dump all the funds collected from relatives this year too
• SSR pulled with grandpa’s pension hits different
• Ministry of Finance approved money laundering happening now
• Make otoshidama = server maintenance fee donation tax deductible
• My APM (actions per minute) only reaches pro gamer level when opening lucky envelopes
• Got nuked on gacha but stimulated the economy so basically a win
• It’s not trickle-down, it’s trickle-UP (extraction)
• Grandson’s smile: priceless. Gacha hell: endless
• Yukichi just dove into the digital sea