Air Guitar Champion Rushed to Hospital with "Air Compound Fracture"; Doctors Perform 5-Hour Pantomime Surgery

Early on the 14th, during the “World Air Guitar Championship - Far East Qualifiers” held at a live house in Tokyo, the reigning champion Mr. “Phantom Strat” (34) sustained serious injuries during his performance and was rushed to the hospital.

According to witnesses, while Mr. Phantom was performing an intense solo for the encore song “Stairway to Void,” the neck of the “non-existent guitar” he was holding suddenly snapped. The “invisible wood fragments” and “sharp air strings” that flew off struck him in the face and arms, and he collapsed on stage with an expression of agony.

A vivid “Crack!” sound, voiced by the man himself, echoed through the venue, and several spectators complained that “the flying air debris hurt their mind’s eye,” causing temporary chaos.

The Critical Care Center at St. Imaginary General Hospital, where he was transported, diagnosed Mr. Phantom’s condition as “severe open air fracture and phantom multiple organ failure.”

Dr. Ichiro Kyoko, an authority on pantomime surgery, was immediately summoned, and emergency surgery was performed to make incisions in the non-existent affected area with a non-existent scalpel.

The surgery was highly difficult, lasting five hours. Under the shadowless lamp, Dr. Kyoko and his medical team stared into empty space, suturing invisible microscopic blood vessels one by one through pantomime.

With sweat on their foreheads, they called out to each other in a desperate procedure: “Here it is, I’m connecting the invisible nerve,” “Forceps! No, air forceps!” thanks to which the champion’s life was saved from an invisible crisis.

After the operation, Dr. Kyoko concluded the press conference with a pantomime of relief, stating, “If the transport had been delayed even a little, his guitarist life (delusion) would have been cut short.”

However, the situation did not end there. The agency representing Mr. Phantom refused to pay the total of 3.5 million yen for the surgery and hospitalization costs presented by the hospital.

The manager argued, “In our industry, soul is the currency. We will pay with the highest grade of ‘gratitude’ and ‘air invitation tickets’ to the next live concert.”

Against the hospital administration demanding cash payment, they maintained a tough stance, stating, “Invisible rewards are appropriate for invisible treatments.”

The hospital side is furious at this claim.

“Setting aside the doctor’s technical fees, the electricity for the operating room and the time of the anesthesiologist occurred in physical reality,” they countered, showing readiness to take legal action.

Meanwhile, Mr. Phantom, in his private hospital room, pantomimed suspending his arm without a cast or bandage, telling an air nurse, “Rehabilitation will take time, but I will definitely return to the stage.”

Legal experts are holding their heads in their hands over the unprecedented point of contention: “Can treatment costs for an air injury caused by an air guitar be settled with an air payment?”

If it goes to trial, there is a possibility that all testimony in court will be given via lip-syncing or gestures, making it unavoidable for the judicial setting to turn into avant-garde theater.

The clue to solving this case, where reality and fiction have caused a collision accident, remains “invisible.”

Stakeholder Comments

• Mr. Phantom Strat: “When the broken neck grazed my artery (image), I prepared myself for death. I want to send the best air handshake to the best team of doctors.”
• Dr. Ichiro Kyoko (Lead Surgeon): “Invisible affected areas don’t lie. It was a very tough op, but the knots in the air sutures are perfect.”
• Live Audience A: “When the debris flew this way, I instinctively dodged. Mass hypnosis is amazing.”
• Hospital Accounting Staff: “We can’t pay for electricity or water with ‘gratitude’. Please stop joking around.”
• Lawyer: “If the damage, treatment, and payment are all conceptual, we have no choice but to aim for an ‘air victory’.”
• Guitar Manufacturer PR: “Our (real) guitars absolutely do not break. No comment on the lack of strength in air products.”
• Band Bassist: “My air bass is too heavy and my back pain is terrible. Will workers’ comp cover this?”
• Insurance Company Representative: “Our policy terms do not cover ‘physical loss due to delusion’.”
• Psychological Counselor: “They are not escaping reality; they are creating reality too much.”
• On-site Cleaner: “Nothing had fallen on the stage, but I swept it up anyway. With an air dustpan.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• String does not break / Invisible shards / Pierce the skin
• Operating table / Cutting into nothingness / Tip of the scalpel
• The bill to be paid / With a paper plane of thanks / Flying in the air
• Broken bone alas / Arm without a cast hangs down / Heavy in the mind
• Doctor sweats profusely / Sewing up the empty void / Five hours and more
• Pay the money now / Is the soul of rock and roll / Tax exempt or not?
• Though the neck is gone / Illusion broken and lost / The dream stays intact
• Uproar and trouble / Fire where there is no smoke / Spreading all around
• Taking painkillers / Just pretending to swallow / Strange how it works well
• Air court of justice / The written verdict is blank / White paper remains

Kanji / Chinese Characters

• Air Performance King Emergency Transport
• Imaginary Instrument Neck Rupture
• Empty Space Suture Surgery Five Hours
• Invoice Versus Gratitude
• Hospital Furious Air Payment Refusal

Emoji

🎸💥🚑💨🏥👨‍⚕️✋🪡🚫💵🤬🎭⚖️

Onomatopoeia

• Crack!
• Wee-woo wee-woo.
• Clatter clatter (instrument sounds), Swoosh (scalpel sound).
• Silence… (Tension).
• Throb throb (Imaginary pain).
• Irritated (Accounting staff).
• Blah blah (Excuses).
• Bang (Sound of hitting a desk).
• Fluff (Gratitude).
• Question mark?

SNS

• #AirGuitarFracture
• #PayMedicalBillsWithGratitude
• Dr. Fiction’s god hand is crazy lol I saw the invisible thread
• Paying a 3.5 million bill with soul is too rock
• Both sides are crazy lol
• Air workers’ comp certification ASAP
• In the end, the one hurting the most is the hospital accounting staff
• Is this contemporary art…
• #PhantomStratRecovery
• I’ll try paying my rent with “passion for living here” starting tomorrow