Men's Track: "Direct Wired LAN Connection" Prevents False Start, But "Connection Lost" Just Before Finish

On January 8th, at the “4th Cyber Athletics Championship” Men’s 100m Final, a rare incident in sports history occurred. The championship favorite, Lag Yusenin (literally “Wired Institute”), who holds the theory that “Wi-Fi is for the weak” and “Wireless is a hotbed for packet loss,” ran with a Category 8 LAN cable connected directly to his spinal cord. Although he showed amazing reaction speed, a miscalculation in the physical cable length caused a “connection loss” just before the finish line, resulting in his disqualification.

The venue, New Tokyo Stadium, was wrapped in a strange tension before the start. While other athletes were warming up in lightweight wear, only Yusenin carried a terminal on his back like a commercial server rack, and three sturdy support staff members, “Cablers,” were carefully setting up a reel containing an extremely thick LAN cable. He had forcibly obtained permission from the judges to receive the start signal (packet) transmitted from the tournament management server directly to his spinal cord, rather than listening to the starter pistol.

“The speed of sound is 340m/s, but optical communication is 300,000 km/s. The match is decided the moment the packet arrives.” As he boasted in the pre-race interview, his start was spectacular. Almost simultaneously with the transmission of the Start signal on the server, he dashed out with an astounding latency of 1ms (millisecond) Ping. It was a super-reaction far below the 0.1 seconds considered the human reaction limit, so much so that the false start detection system even mistook it for a “bug” and remained silent.

In the middle of the race, Yusenin’s acceleration allowed no one to follow. His brain OS had completely digitized his body control, continuously transmitting electrical signals to his muscles with the stable bandwidth unique to a wired connection. However, the miscalculation of fate visited him at the 99-meter mark. The “ultra-low latency LAN cable for e-sports tournaments” he had prepared had a standard length of only 99.5 meters, including the connector part.

With just one step left to the finish line, the cable was stretched to its limit. The moment a sharp sound like a piano wire rang out, the plug fell off from his back with a “Snap!” sound. Yusenin’s body, having lost its control signal, immediately fell into a state of “Connection with server lost” and went completely limp. Following the law of inertia, he slid violently onto the tartan track face first, still smiling. Although the tip of his nose crossed the finish line, he was recorded as having no record (DNS: Did Not Sync) due to “loss of control at the finish” and “communication timeout” according to the regulations.

After the match, Yusenin, with a bandage on his nose, commented, “It reached in my hallway at home, but I underestimated the size of the stadium. Next time I’ll run with a repeater (hub).” On the other hand, the International Association of Athletics Federations’ Technical Committee began a philosophical discussion on “Is a LAN cable considered athletic equipment in the first place?” The tragicomedy born of overconfidence in technology served as a result that once again reminded humanity of the harshness of the physical world.

Stakeholder Comments

• Athlete Lag Yusenin: “The cause of defeat? Not packet loss. Cable loss. I’ll consider Wi-Fi 7E next time, but I’m afraid of interference.”
• Support Staff (Chief Cabler): “I wanted to scream ‘Extend it another meter!’, but the Cat8 cable was too stiff to stretch.”
• Chief Judge: “Did he finish, or did he freeze? There is no item for ‘404 Not Found’ in the rulebook.”
• Communication Infrastructure Expert: “Choosing wired for a 100m sprint shows a lack of calculation for physical risk rather than latency. The typical end of a specs nerd.”
• Opponent Athlete: “When he stopped next to me with a ‘Click’ sound, I thought time had stopped.”
• LAN Cable Manufacturer PR: “Our cables are highly durable, but they are not designed to tow human beings.”
• Stadium Cleaner: “Stepping on the tab (connector fragment) that fell before the goal really hurts.”
• eSports Commentator: “This is a regrettable ‘Server Crash’. The judgment of the real physics engine is harsh.”
• Child in Audience: “Mister, your outlet got unplugged and you stopped.”
• Track Ground: “I didn’t expect him to come face-first.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Sprinting off the block / Speed of light, then cable dies / Connection severed
• Line connected tight / Victory close, plug pulls out / Darkness falls on track
• One hundred meters / Love and LAN cable too short / Reach falls just shy now
• Signal to the spine / Running fast then hit the nose / Pain in interface
• Spring breeze blows softly / A world without any lag / Dreams left in the dust
• Wired connection / Knowing limits at the goal / Sudden disconnect
• Snap, the sound remains / Only echo in the field / Silence follows crash
• Blue wire stretched so taut / Snaps and scatters dreams away / Sparks fly in the air
• Ping value is best / But length is not enough yet / Failure at the end
• Sliding on the face / Connection cut instantly / Game over for him

Kanji / Chinese Characters

電脳走者有線接続 百米疾走直前切断 規格不足九十九米 顔面着地通信途絶

Emoji

🏃‍♂️🔌⚡️💨🏟️📏😱🚫🛜📉👃🩹

Onomatopoeia

• Snap!
• Slide…
• Silence…
• Piron♪ (Disconnect sound)
• Dadadada… Jerk.
• Shooo (Sliding sound)
• Poki (Sound of tab breaking)
• Buzz buzz…

SNS

• #LagYusenin
• #LANCableTooShort
• RealLifeConnectionLostLOL
• FacePlantWith1msPingHighArtisticScore
• Unexpected99mSpec
• RunWithMeshWiFiOnBackNextTime
• DefeatOfPhysicalLayer
• FirstTimeHearingDQForCommunicationError
• ManagementServer “Connection Timed Out”
• #TragedyOfCat8