"Wish Upon a Star" Rejected Entirely. True Identity of Meteor Shower Revealed to be "Flashing High-Beams" from Mars Commuters

While couples tear up at the “On-Time Departure Meteor Shower” coloring the night sky, astronomers expose a merciless truth. The bands of light were actually a traffic jam of wealthy rockets commuting from Mars villas to Earth. Directed at the lights to which commoners on the ground pray for “happiness,” the honking sound of “Move it, poor people!” echoes in the sky.

The World Astrophysics Union (WAPU) announced shocking survey results on the 9th regarding the “Polar Orbit On-Time Departure Meteor Shower,” which has seen an increase in observations in recent years. Although believed until now to be a “miraculous celestial show of burning atmospheric dust,” its true identity has been revealed to be a formation of supersonic commuter rockets heading from the luxury residential area “Elysium Hills” on Mars to city centers on Earth.

WAPU Chief Researcher Dr. Alan Boyd asserted at the press conference, “I’m sorry to destroy the romance, but that is simply the light of tailgating.” According to the doctor, the light that twinkles like a meteor is actually high-output flashing lasers that trailing luxury aircraft bathe preceding rockets in. The single line of light is the trajectory of intense cut-in battles at the atmospheric entry gate merging point, and what is burning out is not dust, but overpriced liquid hydrogen fuel injected in excess.

Even more shocking are the intercepted communication records. At the very moment lovers on the ground are praying for “eternal love” or “winning the lottery,” verbal abuse such as “Go to the low-income lane!” and “I have a board meeting!” is flying around at an altitude of 100 kilometers. In one communication record, a voice mocking, “It’s better than the traffic jam down below,” while looking down at the night view on Earth was also confirmed, clarifying that terrestrial romanticism was completely trampled in the stratosphere.

Following this announcement, agitation is spreading among astronomy fans and couples. A university student (21) who was waiting for the meteor shower at a park in Tokyo collapsed to his knees, saying, “Last week, I prayed to that light, ‘I hope I can get a job.’ I never thought the person I prayed to was the interviewer who would fail us.” On the other hand, a lawyer representing Mars commuters released a comment saying, “We are only tailgating within the legal speed limit. Their prayers? We can’t hear them thanks to noise cancellation,” adding fuel to the fire.

The government does not view the situation seriously and plans to continue meteor shower forecasts, stating that “its value as a tourism resource remains unchanged.” Tonight again, the earnest wishes of the ground and the arrogant murderous intent of the sky will cross paths. It seems the era has arrived where one must check Flightradar before making a wish upon a star.

Stakeholder Comments

• Astronomer: “Looking through the telescope, I can see them giving the middle finger from the window. It is not the twinkling of stars.”
• Earth Couple: “Right after I said ‘It’s more beautiful than your eyes,’ a correction news flashed saying ‘That’s the Mars version of Uber Eats.’ Give me the mood back.”
• CEO living on Mars: “Earth’s atmosphere is too congested. If you build a toll road, I’ll fly quietly over your heads.”
• Aerospace Agency Controller: “Overtime is confirmed on ‘Meteor Shower’ days. The night ends just breaking up fights.”
• Fortune Teller: “Chanting a wish three times before a shooting star disappears? Impossible, they are rushing at Mach 20.”
• Used Rocket Dealer: “You’ll get tailgated if you fly an older model. If you install this ‘Meteor Camouflage Kit,’ you can be on the tailgating side.”
• Poet: “To think even the stars in the sky were the shine of capitalism.”
• AI Assistant: “Search results: ‘Efficient ways to tailgate’, ‘Fines for no-passing violations in the atmosphere’”
• Taxi Driver on Earth: “Sky or land, it doesn’t change. Both are just rushing to the graveyard.”
• Orion: “I want them to stop using my name without permission. It’s annoying.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Winter night sky / Tailgating driving / Shining stars
• Wishes sent up / Reach only the rich / Up above
• Flashing high beams / Called a meteor shower / Speaking of love
• Billions of wealth / Rich people dashing / Milky Way
• Traffic jam tail / Trailing light behind / Coldness felt
• Different stars / Just a commuter / Rush hour time
• Rather than prayers / Abuse rains down tonight / Starry night
• Looking up above / Light of inequality / Pouring down
• Shooting stars go / Disappearing so fast / Just like money
• Dreams are shattered / Mach twenty roaring sound / Is that it

Kanji / Chinese Characters

RichLayerMarsDepartsEarthBound CommuterExpressMeteorShowerFake LightBandRealityTailgatingLaser GroundPrayerSkyAbuse GapSocietySpaceScaleExpand AstronomerRomanceSmash

Emoji

✨🚀🤬💨🌌🙏💔💸🪐🚦

Onomatopoeia

Flash (flashing sound), Vroom (acceleration sound). Ora! (communication voice), Move! (communication voice). Twinkle twinkle (misunderstanding on ground), Boom (shockwave). Tsk (tongue clicking), Vooom (rocket exhaust). Silence… (silence on ground knowing the truth).

SNS

• #DespairKnowingTrueIdentityOfMeteorShower
• That light was all the president’s commute wwww
• If I make a wish, I feel like I’ll get a reply saying “Poor people go to sleep”
• Lots of tailgating in the sky tonight ☆
• #OnTimeDepartureMeteorShower
• Give back the romantic night
• Eyesight worsened due to flashing from Mars elites
• Not a shooting star, but a stray bullet
• The light of the pay-to-win crowd is beautiful (whites of eyes)
• Wish upon a star (physically unreachable)