National Health Insurance to Exclude Otherworldly 'Healing Magic'; Patients to Purchase Medicinal Herbs Out of Pocket

The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare held a general meeting of the Central Social Insurance Medical Council (Chuikyo) on the 5th and decided to exclude otherworldly “Healing Magic (Heal, etc.)” and “Alchemically Generated Medicines (Potions),” which had been approved as special exceptions, from National Health Insurance coverage starting next month.

Immediate recovery by “Saint’s Prayer” will now be fully self-pay (free medical practice), as “the mechanism of action has not been scientifically elucidated, and there is a possibility of it being merely an over-dramatized placebo effect.”

With this revision, “Middle Heal,” which was previously available with a 30% copay, is expected to cost about 150,000 yen per session at the counter.

Additionally, “Medicinal Herbs (Green Herbs),” which were prescribed at pharmacies, will be reclassified as food items following a point by the Ministry of Finance that “they are substantially indistinguishable from weeds.”

This is expected to lead to situations where elderly people suffering from back pain must gather herbs in the mountains themselves and mix them with a mortar, raising concerns from the medical field about “an increase in physical secondary injuries.”

Seizing this opportunity to reach out to the patient demographic turned medical refugees is the “Demon King’s Army,” which has long aimed to enter the Japanese market.

The Human Resources Department of the Demon King’s Army, Branch 666, held an emergency press conference on the same day and announced a significant expansion of its hiring quota for Japanese people.

The benefits presented overturned common sense in the human world. In addition to “Immediate Full Recovery Magic upon Enlistment” and “Free Prosthetic Replacement for Limb Loss (Made of Dark Matter),” the package includes “Unlimited Resurrection Measures (Reraise) for Death on Duty,” strongly shaking the hearts of the working generation exhausted by black labor practices.

“Japan’s health insurance was a wonderful system, but it is becoming something that only ‘keeps you alive enough not to die.’ We offer an environment where you can ‘work even if you die’.”

Ms. Succubus, the Public Relations Officer for the Demon King’s Army, said so in a sweet voice and winked.

Already, in front of Hello Work offices in Tokyo, lower-ranking demons of the Demon King’s Army have begun distributing flyers reading “Overtime paid in gold coins” and “No retirement age with undead transformation,” with not only young people but also elderly people unable to bear the burden of medical expenses forming lines.

The government, viewing the situation seriously, has entered discussions to temporarily suspend acceptance of “Transfer Notifications” to other worlds, but long lines have already formed in front of the “Gates.”

A company employee in his 30s said, “Even if I die from overwork at my current company, I just get an incense stick, but the Demon King’s Army will re-employ me as a skeleton. I’d choose employment stability after death over anxiety about old-age pension,” and downed a jet-black potion before disappearing into the gate.

The “Magic Cut,” which touted fiscal consolidation, has ironically resulted in accelerating the “Isekai Brain Drain” of the labor force supporting the country.

Stakeholder Comments

• MHLW Official: “As long as MP (Magic Point) measurement standards are not in JIS, it is not science. Glowing and curing is just your imagination.”
• Saint (Former Insurance Doctor): “My ‘Holy Prayer’ is treated as miscellaneous income? I’m closing the church and becoming an adventurer guild exclusive.”
• Demon King’s Army HR Manager: “Our company is white, er, I mean dark, but compliance (obedience) is absolute. Paid leave usage after resurrection is 100% too.”
• Man in 70s: “I didn’t have money to buy herbs, so I went to pick them myself and strained my back. Heard the Demon King’s Army will cyborgize this back.”
• Ministry of Finance Budget Bureau: “We must rush to introduce an Isekai Transfer Tax. Tariffs on soul exports.”
• Local Pharmacy Owner: “Potions stopped selling, and all stock herbs withered. I’ll live as a herbal tea shop owner from now on.”
• Isekai Reincarnation Truck Driver: “Lately, they walk into the gate themselves without me hitting them, business is dry.”
• Skeleton (Former Salaryman): “Becoming just bones freed me from stiff shoulders. Long live the Demon King.”
• Hero Party Leader: “The Demon King’s Army benefits are too good, my companions are betraying one after another…”
• Japan Medical Association: “One shouldn’t rely on evidence-free magic, but the Demon King’s Army’s ‘Eternal Labor’ is hardly healthy either.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Magic fades away / Pain remains in winter morn
• Picking herbs by hand / Trembling touch, full self-pay
• Saint leaves hospital / Lights go out in windows now
• Join Demon Army / Cure is sure, life and all
• Through the gate they flee / Workers to another world
• Potion bottle empty / Cannot buy with pension funds
• Resurrection call / With that word, sell soul away
• Shining magic light / Just a trace of yesterday
• Becoming a bone / Soldier of dark works always
• Insurance card gone / Get a pass to demon world

Kanji / Chinese Characters

厚労省回復魔法除外 聖女祈全額負担 薬草食品化 患者魔王軍殺到 福利厚生完治蘇生 現世脱出過去最多

Emoji

🏥✨🙅‍♂️➡️💸📈 🧙‍♀️💧📉 🌿➡️🥗 😈📋✨🩸🦴🤝 🇯🇵🏃💨🚪➡️🏰🌑

Onomatopoeia

• Twinkle… shun (sound of magic disappearing)
• Gorigori, gorigori (sound of elderly grinding herbs)
• Zawa-zawa, gaya-gaya (crowd noise at the gate)
• Doron, pa (sound of teleportation)
• Kacha-kacha (sound of skeleton working)
• Sheen… (silence at MHLW press conference)

SNS

• #HealingMagicSelfPayWeAreDoomed
• #DemonKingArmyEntryComplete
• The Saint ending up on the streets, this country is finished lol
• Herb smoothie is too gross. Give back potions.
• Demon King Army benefits are insane. “Post-mortem re-employment” is too much of a power word.
• MHLW thinks healing magic is placebo. Try getting burned by a dragon once.
• #IsekaiTransfer
• Grandpa left a note saying “Going to get modded” and disappeared.
• Skeleton duty means no makeup needed, might be easy.
• Japan’s medical collapse, delivered the final blow from a fantasy direction.