Shock in the Selfie Community: 'Class 1 Tank Top License' Revoked due to Shiny Biceps Blinding Oncoming Traffic

The joint “Headquarters for Measures Against Approval Desire Pollution” by the Ministry of the Environment and the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism issued an order on the 8th, revoking the Class 1 Tank Top Wearing License and issuing a “Class 2 Public Road Upper Arm Exposure Ban” to a famous muscle influencer (28) residing in Tokyo. This is the first legal sanction for a case where the amount of visual information emitted by an individual’s muscle fibers exceeded the urban tolerance limit, causing physical traffic paralysis. Authorities concluded that the “leakage of approval desire” caused by excessive pumping up has gone beyond the realm of personal hobbies and is a biohazard threatening public safety.

The incident began on the 2nd of this month with a bizarre distress accident at an intersection in Shibuya Ward. An Uber Eats bicycle unit on delivery mistook the veins (vascularity) popping out on the influencer’s forearm, who was waiting at a traffic light, for the latest navigation app. “I mistook the cephalic vein for Route 246 and the basilic vein for Meiji Dori, and lost my sense of direction in the mountainous region of the biceps,” the delivery worker testified. The vascular network on the skin, finished dry by shaving off body fat to the limit and adjusting salt intake, closely resembled the traffic jam information (red display) on Google Maps, resulting in three delivery workers getting stuck at the foot of the deltoid muscle.

Furthermore, a report from the Traffic Division of the Metropolitan Police Department was decisive in the punishment. The mixture of competition oil and sunscreen applied by the man to his triceps unreasonably amplified and reflected direct sunlight (reflector effect). Opposing drivers who received the reflected light (glare) fell into a temporary state of blindness, causing frequent accidents involving contact with guardrails. As a result of on-site verification, it was revealed that the brightness of his muscles exceeded the “maximum luminous intensity of headlights for oncoming vehicles” stipulated by the Road Traffic Act by 3000 candelas.

“I understand the desire to show off muscles, but the right to burn other people’s retinas is not guaranteed in modern society.” An official from the countermeasures headquarters stated this at a press conference and obliged the man to wear high-light-blocking long-sleeved shirts (commonly known as corrective straitjackets) in public places. Furthermore, as a recidivism prevention program, he was ordered to confiscate all mirrors and mirror-reflective home appliances in his home and physically destroy the in-camera function of his smartphone. This is a measure to forcibly attenuate hypertrophied narcissism by cutting off “self-confirmation.”

In response to this punishment, the Japan Tank Top Association (JTA) reacted fiercely, calling it “fabric fascism that judges humans by the amount of cloth area.” On the other hand, general citizens have voiced their welcome, saying, “We will be liberated from the fear of sweaty upper arms touching us on trains in summer” and “Visual violence will decrease.” In the underground muscle community, rumors are already circulating about the development of “transparent long sleeves” and “stealth tank tops” to bypass the legal net, and the cat-and-mouse game between the administration and muscles is expected to continue along with the sound of protein shakers.

Will the hidden muscles atrophy, or will they achieve further bulk-up where they cannot be seen? The veins pulsing under the long sleeves may be waiting for the time to break through the epidermis called society again, like the magma of suppressed approval desire.

Stakeholder Comments

• The Punished Influencer: “If I dare say so, this is jealousy of my muscles. Wear clothes? Nonsense. My deltoids want to breathe.”
• The Victim Delivery Worker: “I definitely get lost at that vein junction. I can’t believe it was a human arm… I never want to enter such a maze again.”
• Traffic Safety Section Chief: “Complaints about shiny muscles are increasing year by year. We are considering making it mandatory for bodybuilders to carry matte spray in the future.”
• Local Dry Cleaner Owner: “Because they only wear tank tops, the skill of removing armpit sweat stains among young people is dying out recently. The return to long sleeves is a tailwind for the industry.”
• Influencer’s Mother: “He used to say ‘I want to be a public servant’ a long time ago, but at some point, he started just posing in front of the mirror…”
• Competition Oil Manufacturer PR: “Our products are for stage lighting. Using them under sunlight constitutes, so to speak, ‘human mirror ball’ manufacturing acts.”
• Biceps (Owned by the person): “Hide us? Don’t make me laugh. We will release pheromones even from the gaps in the fibers.”
• Mirror: “I’m tired of being stared at by him. Please consider the feelings of someone who reflects a smug face for hours every day.”
• The Sun: “I want you to stop reflecting my light without permission and using it as a weapon. It’s copyright infringement.”
• Long-Sleeved Shirt: “My time has finally come. I will gently wrap the upper arms and teach them harmony with society.”

International Expressions

Haiku

• Arms shine so bright / Dazzling oncoming cars / Accident filled spring
• Mistaking blue veins / For a digital road map / Delivery man
• Tank top taken off / Shoulders feeling the cold air / License revoked now
• Desire for acclaim / Hidden under long sleeves now / Sad reality
• The shine of muscles / Becoming a crime strictly / Too much brightness there
• In a room sans mirrors / Posing is an empty act / Vanity’s deep void
• Biceps hidden deep / Self-display still leaks out / Cannot stop the show
• The first spring storm blows / Carrying the scent of oil / Bodybuilder’s scent
• Wandering inside / A vascular labyrinth / Delivery service
• A single cloth piece / Separates from society / Narcissism blocks

Kanji / Chinese Characters

ApprovalDesireLegalLimitExceeded PublicRoadUpperArmExposureBan VeinRoadMapMistakenDistress LongSleeveWearMirrorPossessionBan

Emoji

💪✨🚘💥😎👮‍♂️🚫🎽👕📵🗺️🚴‍♂️😰

Onomatopoeia

Slimy, Shiny. Screech, Boom! Muscle-bound, Tight. Flash! Dithering, Looking around. Whoosh (Confiscated).

SNS

• #TankTopLicenseRevoked
• Let’s discuss whether muscle is pollution or art
• Seriously got lost on vein navi lol
• #MandatoryLongSleeves
• The end of approval desire monsters
• Laughing at him getting flashed by oncoming cars for being too shiny
• Mirror confiscation is synonymous with a death sentence
• #FreeTheBicep
• Premonition of the birth of a muscle eco-terrorist
• Please really stop posing in the middle of the city