Society is in turmoil over the new life-rating feature introduced by the latest stargazing app "Stella Score." AI analyzes users' social media posts and ranks them from "Sirius Tier" to "Black Hole Tier." While high-rated users receive preferential loan interest rates, low-rated users face penalties including doubled utility bills, leaving them with no time to even look up at the night sky.
At private libraries nationwide, a mysterious system has been launched to convert the value of books into vegetables. Tolstoy on the shelf is exchanged for six onions, and the return deadline is "until it sprouts." Users say, "Guaranteed calories resonate more than complex plots," and use parsley as bookmarks.
A man who narrowly escaped a bear encounter receives an unexpected sequel. The terrifying heart rate graph recorded by his dropped smart water bottle has won the Contemporary Art Grand Prize as a "digitized cry of life." While the jury praises it as "despair not seen since Picasso," a lawyer claiming to represent the bear has begun demanding rights as a co-creator and half of the prize money.
NASA held an emergency press conference. When all communication with the International Space Station was lost, the last means of communication was carrier pigeons secretly bred by the Tokugawa family capable of 'vacuum wing-flapping.' A pigeon with a USB memory stick tied to its leg reportedly broke through the atmosphere and successfully performed manual docking. Experts praised it as 'Too analog, but no hacking concerns.'
Reports of seeing the slit-mouthed woman but feeling nothing have surged on social media. Experts analyze that the overwhelming realism of the new urban legend 'Suzuki-san Who Leaves on Time' is neutralizing the fear of other ghost stories. They warn that at this rate, the day when Hanako-san of the toilet applies for paid leave and returns to her hometown is near.
During humanity's first manned Cretaceous exploration, the team encountered a shocking sight. A Tyrannosaurus wearing a kimono was gathered around a hot pot, passionately lecturing, 'Skim the meat foam diligently' and 'The rice porridge at the end completes the hot pot.' Overwhelmed by the awkwardness and high cultural level, the exploration team hastily returned to Earth with minimal sample collection, according to reports.
The ancient martial art "Water Strike Way," which channels cosmic energy through water guns, faces crisis as its sole master has his license suspended for three months of unpaid water bills. Disciples lament, "With the tap shut off, Master's 'ki' flow has completely stopped," and continue training at park fountains, only to receive stern police warnings for disturbing pigeons with their water-spraying practices.
Gen Z, who hate having their hair messed up by helmets, have finally found a legal loophole. Showa-era delinquent-style hair hardened with special gel passes some safety standard impact tests. Following police ruling that "this is wearable," young people are hitting the streets with hardened hair instead of helmets.
The "Giant Cricket Breeding" program recommended by the Ministry of Education has developed into unexpected emotional dramas in households nationwide. After spending summer vacation together, children have formed bonds with their now-pet crickets, sobbing "We can't eat Taro" while boycotting tasting events. Some households report crickets have even taken up residence on TV remote controls.
A revolution in theater. The new stage production depicts making chawanmushi aboard a spaceship, but the climax features all actors dressed as shrimp and ginkgo nuts, slowly sinking inside a giant bowl. Faced with this ultimate realism, audiences can no longer decide whether to applaud or burst into laughter.