A self-published book promising 'Disappear from the affair scene in 3 seconds' sold out instantly. Buyers who mastered balcony pull-ups and emergency staircase dashes have achieved phenomenal athletic abilities through impure motivation. Ironically, their chiseled physiques now stand out so much in public that they're being identified anyway.
The 'Fully Automated Encouragement Drones' introduced to cut labor costs went haywire due to a bug, misidentifying the smell of sweat and whey as food. Hundreds of units swarmed a member mid-bench press, screaming 'Nice Bulk!' while physically crushing him nearly to death. The gym refused to recall them, raising membership fees and claiming 'the adrenaline secretion from mortal terror induces unprecedented muscle hypertrophy.'
Insisting 'just one more set' for three months, the man brought a futon into the rack and started receiving UberEats deliveries on the barbell. The court rejected the forced eviction, ruling that 'there is actual evidence of habitation.' The gym has given up on collecting membership fees and entered negotiations for security deposits and key money.
To address an era where words fail to bridge understanding, the next curriculum guidelines will abolish logical thinking and cultivate problem-solving through overwhelming mass. Math will focus solely on barbell weight calculations, while English instruction will be limited to taunting foreign bodybuilders. Parent groups who protested were forcibly removed via deadlifts performed by the Board of Education.
A fitness app for seniors that transforms every movement into an epic drama has sparked controversy after winning the Palme d'Or at Cannes—not for technology, but for filmmaking. The contentious piece is a three-minute masterpiece depicting the journey of rising from bed to grasp a remote control just 15cm away. Critics say the slow motion and the protagonist's breathing alone expressed humanity's primal yearning, moving the jury to tears.
The cutting-edge gadget 'Aqua-Zero' blocks every single raindrop. A man using it at a stadium stayed perfectly dry, but a three-meter water column formed over his neighbor's seat. The neighbor couldn't watch the game without a flotation device. The developer issued a statement: 'This is the result of pursuing ultimate shield performance and is a feature. It represents a new form of communication with neighbors.'
The new arena where barbells have been replaced with gaming mice. Athletes bearing national flags sweat profusely as they narrowly avoid clicking suspicious 'Buy Now' buttons. In the final stage, while other athletes struggle with the latest AI detection tools, the winning grandmother declared, magnifying glass in hand, 'Suspicious sites have cheap-looking fonts, you know.'
All teams fire pitching coaches, hire Living National Treasure Kabuki actors instead. Batters forget their bats and applaud the new pitching style featuring imposing stances and fierce glares on the mound. Shouts of 'Yamatoya!' echo from the stands as baseball finally becomes a comprehensive art form.
Da Vinci's portrait has vanished from the museum. In its place stands a man flexing his biceps while painting the Mona Lisa. It all started with a single AI-generated image spread by a protein company. Young people believed it was historical fact, products sold out in a frenzy, and now historians are offering protein to AI, begging it to reveal the truth of history.
The UN weapons inspection team analyzed live footage of popular idol group 'Muscle Paradise' and concluded that their dance move 'Bicep Wave' generates localized gravitational anomalies. Citing this 'uncontrollable energy discharge,' they designated it as a weapon of mass destruction. The management agency issued a statement saying 'Our muscles exist to make fans smile,' while hinting at incorporating a 'Deltoid Shield' into their new song's choreography.