Shocking theory emerges: Sen no Rikyu was a fitness enthusiast. The new school 'Kindo' uses 20kg kettlebells instead of tea bowls. The new 'wabi-sabi' involves chugging protein shakes with battle cries and instantly eliminating guilt from eating sweets through deadlifts.
A major smart scale manufacturer has been exposed for using zodiac astrology to calculate body fat percentages. According to a whistleblower, "Taurus was programmed to display higher readings as 'stubborn fat.'" Following this revelation, gyms nationwide have started placing zodiac charts next to protein bars, with trainers recommending tarot cards instead of barbells.
A gym inundated with people seeking to rebuild their lives has announced new membership criteria. Instead of ID cards, they scan bicep bulges, and instead of credit information, they scan abdominal definition to determine approval. "Past debts manifest in fat," the examiner coldly declares.
"The citric acid cycle is the ultimate asset management" - With the government's new policy, retirement savings become mountains of lemons. Recipients sleep on lemon pillows and give lemons as New Year's gifts to grandchildren in this bizarre new custom. "The tears from the sourness are tears of joy," claim seniors as real tears stream down their faces.
A new yoga class with the motto 'Release the scent, not the sound' has emerged. Participants harmonize body and mind through silent flatulence, while ventilation-duty instructors demonstrate poses wearing gas masks.
Responding to party appearance demands, the muscle-specialized dispatch service 'Muscle Rental' launches. Contracts available from one hour, with the average booking reason being ex-boyfriend countermeasures at reunions. Users must wash with protein before returning.
A certain luxury gym has started selling its celebrity members' sweat in small vials as 'Essence of Effort.' Despite champagne-level pricing at 1ml, the bottles sold out immediately and are fetching even higher premiums in the resale market. Before buyers can catch a whiff of 'success,' their wallets are already enveloped in the fragrant smell of burning credit.
The International Association of Athletics Federations has officially recognized a new event replacing shot put iron balls with 20cm diameter freshly fried chicken. Athletes will be judged by the crispy sound of the coating, making it a competition where one literally cannot afford to be 'oil' guard.
A 'self-powered scale' that generates electricity by blowing intestinal gas into sensors has been released. While users rejoice that 'it gets lighter every time I measure,' experts scratch their heads wondering 'if the numbers are accurate.'
A high-precision AI diet app notified a user who lost 3kg overnight due to gastroenteritis, "Congratulations on achieving your goal! Hydration is optional." The unwell owner, while feeling discomfort, did a double-take at the screen.