Showbiz Pavilion

Veteran Actor's 'Retirement Prank' Backfires Spectacularly — AI's Tears Outperform the Real Deal, Public Now Considering the Switch

Veteran Actor's 'Retirement Prank' Backfires Spectacularly — AI's Tears Outperform the Real Deal, Public Now Considering the Switch

'Testing the nation's media literacy.' That arrogant motive behind releasing an AI-generated retirement video led to unexpected emotional responses. Ironically, the AI's nuanced facial acting far surpassed the wooden performances of the actor himself. Even after the reveal, calls for 'casting that AI as the lead' continue unabated, leaving the real actor facing the ultimate test of his own relevance.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Heartwarming Drama Finale Reveals Family Bonding Was Actually Forced Labor on Human-Powered Kotatsu Generator — Government Hails It as 'Beautiful Self-Reliance,' Plans Nationwide Distribution

Heartwarming Drama Finale Reveals Family Bonding Was Actually Forced Labor on Human-Powered Kotatsu Generator — Government Hails It as 'Beautiful Self-Reliance,' Plans Nationwide Distribution

Last night's finale of the hit drama 'Invoice of Bonds' sent shockwaves through Nagatacho. The climactic scene depicted a family unable to afford their medical bills tearfully pedaling a kotatsu-integrated generator to earn electricity sales revenue for their grandmother's surgery. Screenwriter Ren Kujo intended this 'hellscape' as biting social satire—but the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare praised it as 'a next-generation sustainable social security model.' Within five minutes of the broadcast's end, the government announced plans for a 'Kotatsu Tax' and nationwide distribution of power-generating kotatsus, plunging viewers from tearful emotion into abject terror.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Shopping District's "Coin Grab" Event Mistaken for "Live-Action Death Game" by Foreign Fund, Receives 10 Billion Yen Investment

Shopping District's "Coin Grab" Event Mistaken for "Live-Action Death Game" by Foreign Fund, Receives 10 Billion Yen Investment

Investors praised footage of housewives swarming a bargain sale as "the pinnacle of survival instinct" and "raw violence," purchasing broadcast rights. Dazzled by the massive offer, the shopping district chairman announced that next year's participation requirements will include "signing a liability waiver" and "bringing weapons."

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Thesis on "The Springiness of Kamaboko" Gets Hollywood Trilogy Adaptation. Lead Role Goes to "Bounciness" Itself, Now Frontrunner for Academy Award

Thesis on "The Springiness of Kamaboko" Gets Hollywood Trilogy Adaptation. Lead Role Goes to "Bounciness" Itself, Now Frontrunner for Academy Award

The thesis "Nonlinear Viscoelasticity in Kamaboko Elasticity," which shook the scientific world, is finally coming to the silver screen. The forbidden love between myosin and actin depicted entirely in CGI, along with the dramatic independence saga from the wooden board, has already propelled the kamaboko itself to frontrunner status for Best Actor.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Pension Crisis Solved by Tears? '24-Hour Crying Telethon' Set to Air, Celebrity Tear Ducts Move Markets

Pension Crisis Solved by Tears? '24-Hour Crying Telethon' Set to Air, Celebrity Tear Ducts Move Markets

To rescue the nation's pension finances, the entertainment industry deploys its ultimate weapon. Popular actors cry for 24 hours straight while AI analyzes their tear volume in real-time to automatically manage pension funds. The host declares, 'Your idol's tears will support your retirement.' Ratings are strong, but the crucial pension assets are fluctuating wildly due to the market's capricious reactions.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
Auteur Director Demands 'Reshoot' of Spaceship Crash Site, Furious That Debris 'Lacks Narrative Quality'

Auteur Director Demands 'Reshoot' of Spaceship Crash Site, Furious That Debris 'Lacks Narrative Quality'

A legendary film director, appointed by the government to chair the investigation into a spaceship crash, was seen wielding a megaphone at the site, shouting 'This wreckage isn't emotional enough!' It has been revealed that he prioritized 'visual appeal as an opening scene' over determining the cause, and instructed the investigation team to submit the accident report in screenplay format.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
"One Step Could Be Fatal" Prefecture's Anti-Fraud Musical Meant to Combat Escalator Walking and Scams Becomes Record Hit After Youth Interpret It as Forbidden Love Story

"One Step Could Be Fatal" Prefecture's Anti-Fraud Musical Meant to Combat Escalator Walking and Scams Becomes Record Hit After Youth Interpret It as Forbidden Love Story

A prefecture-funded musical designed to warn against special fraud and escalator walking has inexplicably become a social phenomenon. The bureaucratic slogan "Don't trust the person on the phone, don't walk on escalators" was misinterpreted as a tragic love duet between the two leads, causing tickets to sell out instantly. The climactic "Tax Refund Tango" has gone viral as a TikTok dance challenge.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
"This Is Enlightenment" - Actor Playing Buddhist Monk "Purifies" Aircraft with Frozen Tuna; Crew Faints with Blissful Expressions

"This Is Enlightenment" - Actor Playing Buddhist Monk "Purifies" Aircraft with Frozen Tuna; Crew Faints with Blissful Expressions

An actor claiming to have achieved enlightenment suddenly brandished a frozen tuna as a 'lump of worldly desires' at 30,000 feet, purifying the cabin. State-of-the-art 16K cameras captured the moment ice particles flying from the tuna visualized the crew's auras in rainbow colors. Police are investigating not for assault, but for suspected unauthorized religious activities.

Translations: JA
Showbiz Pavilion
"Lens Flare" Finally Wins Academy Award. J.J. Abrams Sobs, "It's So Bright I Can't See Anything"

"Lens Flare" Finally Wins Academy Award. J.J. Abrams Sobs, "It's So Bright I Can't See Anything"

A long-held dream in the film industry has finally come true. This year's Academy Award for "Best Supporting Actor" was awarded to "Lens Flare," which has been shining in countless films. Standing before the recipient who appeared as light itself, director J.J. Abrams, the foster parent, commented, "It's too beautiful... I can't see anything." Whether it was tears of joy or a purely physical symptom remains unclear.

Translations: JA
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