Social Lab

Government Officially Approves Otoshidama as 'Pension Laundering': Grandchildren's Mobile Game Spending Now 'Tax-Free Public Works'

Government Officially Approves Otoshidama as 'Pension Laundering': Grandchildren's Mobile Game Spending Now 'Tax-Free Public Works'

A 'hyper-speed economic zone' has been completed, where grandparents' mattress money passes through lucky envelopes and melts into mobile games at the speed of light. Watching his grandson spin gacha at the kotatsu, the grandfather wiped his tears saying, 'So this is trickle-down economics.' The government finalized its policy on the 2nd to officially approve this series of fund transfers as 'Pension Laundering.'

Translations: JA
Social Lab
National Tax Agency Classifies Dieting as 'Asset Concealment': Gym Users Face Mass Tax Evasion Raids

National Tax Agency Classifies Dieting as 'Asset Concealment': Gym Users Face Mass Tax Evasion Raids

"Body fat is the nation's strategic energy reserve." Under the new law, weight loss is now considered intentional asset disposal (tax evasion). Late-night jogging is monitored as "shadow incineration," and saunas are flagged as "illegal depletion operations." Today, a major fitness club in Tokyo was raided as a "large-scale tax evasion guidance facility," and protein users were detained on suspicion of evidence destruction.

Translations: JA
Social Lab
Year-End Cleaning 'Cat Paw' Dispatch Reports 0% Progress, Program to Continue — All Dispatched Cats on Strike Over 'Cardboard Inspection'

Year-End Cleaning 'Cat Paw' Dispatch Reports 0% Progress, Program to Continue — All Dispatched Cats on Strike Over 'Cardboard Inspection'

A new system to provide cats to citizens who 'want to borrow a cat's paw' collapsed in its first year. At every household, dispatched cats hostile toward vacuum cleaners and illegally occupying sorting cardboard boxes have caused incidents. The city announced that 'rooms remain dirty but citizen happiness is at an all-time high,' and is moving to legally redefine cleaning as 'laundering of the soul.'

Translations: JA
Social Lab
Government Lures FIRE Retirees Back to Work with 'Planet Naming Rights.' Full-Time Work Could Spawn 'Ex-Manager' Stars in Our Solar System

Government Lures FIRE Retirees Back to Work with 'Planet Naming Rights.' Full-Time Work Could Spawn 'Ex-Manager' Stars in Our Solar System

As a last resort against labor shortages, the government has unveiled an extraordinary re-employment package for early retirees: the right to name a newly discovered planet in exchange for five days of full-time work per week. One recruited former consultant beamed, 'My new purpose in life is naming a planet after my old boss and praying for daily asteroid strikes.'

Translations: JA
Social Lab
Government to IPO Anxiety: New 'Minister for Vulnerability Business' Appointed

Government to IPO Anxiety: New 'Minister for Vulnerability Business' Appointed

The government has established a "National Vulnerability Fund" bundling everything from data breaches to cracked bridges, appointing a former consultant who proclaims "turning anxiety into a growth engine" as the minister in charge. Citizens are trembling, only asking that the schedule for when their My Number becomes a stock ticker be disclosed early.

Translations: JA
Social Lab
"Oldest RNA" Coupe Recognized by UN as "Common Ancestor of Humanity"; Paleozoic Driver's License Now Required

"Oldest RNA" Coupe Recognized by UN as "Common Ancestor of Humanity"; Paleozoic Driver's License Now Required

The oldest RNA discovered in a legendary coupe sparked an international dispute over ownership that reached an unexpected resolution. The UN has recognized the vehicle as the "Common Ancestor of Humanity" and designated it as a specially protected cultural heritage. A PhD in paleontology is now required for oil changes, and the first official statement translated from its engine sounds was "Fill it up with premium, please."

Translations: JA
Social Lab
Super-Insulated City Bans Chimneys, Certifies Wall-Stuck Santas as "Bio-Insulation" to Cut Rescue Costs

Super-Insulated City Bans Chimneys, Certifies Wall-Stuck Santas as "Bio-Insulation" to Cut Rescue Costs

In a model city touting ultimate energy efficiency where "chimneys" have been completely abolished, Santas attempting Christmas deliveries tried to squeeze through 10cm-diameter "high-efficiency ventilation ducts," resulting in dozens getting stuck inside walls. After weighing rescue costs against environmental performance, city authorities specially registered the stuck Santas as "high-performance filler" under building codes. Resident complaints about "groaning sounds from the walls" are being explained away as "a smart speaker bug that will be updated immediately."

Translations: JA
Social Lab
Government Enforces 'Free Time Tax' for Mandatory Volunteering: Sleep Now a Luxury

Government Enforces 'Free Time Tax' for Mandatory Volunteering: Sleep Now a Luxury

The government has redefined community volunteering as a 'voluntary obligation' and announced plans to impose a new 'Free Time Tax' on non-participants. Using smartphone screen time data, the system automatically calculates 'leisure hours' and converts them into mandatory service shifts the following month. For busy citizens, time-saving seminars that compress sleep, meals, and lamenting into 15 minutes each will also be offered.

Translations: JA
Social Lab
Nationwide High School Standardized Tests Abolished: New Criterion Is 'Synchronized Bento Box Opening at Noon'

Nationwide High School Standardized Tests Abolished: New Criterion Is 'Synchronized Bento Box Opening at Noon'

The Ministry of Education has announced its final education reform plan. Starting next fiscal year, all high school students will be evaluated on 'how precisely they can open their bento boxes at the exact moment of the noon chime, down to the millisecond.' The synchronization rate of the unified 'click' sound will become the new standardized score, and some elite prep schools have already adopted it as an entrance exam subject.

Translations: JA
Social Lab