New romance film faces shocking departure of muscle-bound lead actor. Producers claim 'protein-wise substitution possible,' hastily casting protein can as love interest. On-set 'romantic chemical reactions' with leading lady fuel tabloid frenzy.
As record-breaking heavy rains continue nationwide, health authorities suddenly declared a 'biohazard caused by rainy season bacteria.' As an infection prevention measure, household umbrellas were designated as 'simplified protective suits,' with citizens advised to 'wear them open 24 hours a day.' However, commuter trains are already on the verge of collapse due to the mass of open umbrellas.
A 'self-powered scale' that generates electricity by blowing intestinal gas into sensors has been released. While users rejoice that 'it gets lighter every time I measure,' experts scratch their heads wondering 'if the numbers are accurate.'
Major corporation announces 'Life Expectancy Advance Bonus' as new incentive. Hopeful employees can receive large bonuses immediately using their future lifespan as collateral, but the company's medical office is the only department constantly bustling.
After paper straws comes the 'edible metal straw.' The manufacturer boasts it's both iron-replenishing and eco-friendly, but buyers flood reviews with 'metal taste overpowers coffee' and 'nutrition minus due to tooth loss.'
A giant 'power switch' illuminating the Great Buddha of Nara has been unveiled for tourists. With one touch, the lighting can be turned ON/OFF, sparking debate about whether faith should be subject to energy-saving measures.
To solve radio clock congestion, the Meteorological Agency links volcanic plume heights to standard time. The system declares "noon when smoke tops Mount Fuji," but accuracy depends on weather and volcanic mood. Citizens hope for "daily dormant volcano mode for early dismissal."
A high-precision AI diet app notified a user who lost 3kg overnight due to gastroenteritis, "Congratulations on achieving your goal! Hydration is optional." The unwell owner, while feeling discomfort, did a double-take at the screen.
In the name of resolving 'information imbalance,' the government announces it will distribute conspiracy theories weekly based on the basic resident registry. On social media, concerns about the value collapse of distributed goods are already emerging, with users claiming 'the moment the government certifies a conspiracy, it's no longer a conspiracy.'
As part of a universal design initiative, a ramp has been installed at Hell's gates. While praised for ensuring equal flame-bathing opportunities for wheelchair users, Heaven lodges fierce protests claiming their "differentiation strategy is collapsing."