All Satellites Down. Last Hope Was Space Carrier Pigeons Bred by the 'Tokugawa Family'... NASA Releases Ancient Documents
NASA held an emergency press conference. When all communication with the International Space Station was lost, the last means of communication was carrier pigeons secretly bred by the Tokugawa family capable of 'vacuum wing-flapping.' A pigeon with a USB memory stick tied to its leg reportedly broke through the atmosphere and successfully performed manual docking. Experts praised it as 'Too analog, but no hacking concerns.'