Super-Insulated City Bans Chimneys, Certifies Wall-Stuck Santas as "Bio-Insulation" to Cut Rescue Costs
In a model city touting ultimate energy efficiency where "chimneys" have been completely abolished, Santas attempting Christmas deliveries tried to squeeze through 10cm-diameter "high-efficiency ventilation ducts," resulting in dozens getting stuck inside walls. After weighing rescue costs against environmental performance, city authorities specially registered the stuck Santas as "high-performance filler" under building codes. Resident complaints about "groaning sounds from the walls" are being explained away as "a smart speaker bug that will be updated immediately."