"Devour the Enemy's Rations": Defense Symposium Proposes "Digestive Scorched Earth" Strategy Led by Competitive Eaters
Under the cover of night, trained competitive eaters slip behind enemy lines to completely consume front-line combat rations. Parliament is abuzz over the "Caloric Interception Doctrine" unveiled at a national security symposium. While this novel strategy aims to sever logistics through resilient digestive systems rather than missiles, experts voice practical concerns, warning that "the stockpile budget for gastrointestinal medicine will easily dwarf defense spending."