Tag: Satire

Articles tagged with "Satire" (58 articles)

New iPhone Abolishes Charging Port, Introduces 'Official Spice Ejection Nozzle' — Device Locks If Non-Certified Salt Is Used

Apple Inc. announced its next flagship model, the 'iPhone 17 Pro Max Spicy,' on the 5th. Using 'Spatial Flavor' technology, users can spray curry powder directly from the screen. However, if non-Apple-certified seasonings are detected, Siri warns 'Unauthorized seasoning detected' and the device data is wiped. The EU is furious over 'taste monopoly,' but devoted fans tearfully praise it, saying 'Apple salt has superior resolution.'

2026-02-08

Translations: JA

Tech Future Lab

"Tornado Warning" Becomes "Dragon Incoming Alert." Weather App Update Syncs with Another World

Following the latest weather app update, users' smartphones have started receiving notifications like "Goblin Advisory (No umbrella needed)" and "Slime Warning (Adhesive; rubber boots recommended)." The developer explains they have "expanded coverage to address a broader range of risks," but users are flooding in with complaints such as "My laundry on the balcony was melted by acid breath."

2026-01-21

Translations: JA

Otherworld Pocket

Million-Yen Luxury Wi-Fi Defeated by Neighbor's Microwave. Wealthy Furious at Neighbor for Reheating Food

A famous brand's satellite Wi-Fi has been flooded with complaints about being 'impossibly unstable.' Investigation reveals the signal was being interfered with by a few-thousand-yen microwave every time the neighbor heated frozen pizza. The brand issued a statement: 'Our radio waves are delicate. True luxury lies in the spirit of mutual consideration.'

2026-01-19

Translations: JA

Money Maze

Government Lures FIRE Retirees Back to Work with 'Planet Naming Rights.' Full-Time Work Could Spawn 'Ex-Manager' Stars in Our Solar System

As a last resort against labor shortages, the government has unveiled an extraordinary re-employment package for early retirees: the right to name a newly discovered planet in exchange for five days of full-time work per week. One recruited former consultant beamed, 'My new purpose in life is naming a planet after my old boss and praying for daily asteroid strikes.'

2026-01-08

Translations: JA

Social Lab

Senior Fitness App Wins Gold at Film Festival: 'The Last Step to the Remote' Praised for Epic Direction

A fitness app for seniors that transforms every movement into an epic drama has sparked controversy after winning the Palme d'Or at Cannes—not for technology, but for filmmaking. The contentious piece is a three-minute masterpiece depicting the journey of rising from bed to grasp a remote control just 15cm away. Critics say the slow motion and the protagonist's breathing alone expressed humanity's primal yearning, moving the jury to tears.

2026-01-04

Translations: JA

Muscle Arena

Tax Authority Raids Snowman on Money Laundering Charges; Seized Evidence Includes 'Large Amount of Melted Cash'

A giant snowman that was the symbol of a city charity has been raided by the National Tax Authority. Inside, investigators discovered an elaborate device that 'washed' donations with meltwater and discharged them as 'purified funds.' The defense team claims, 'This is an art piece expressing nature's purification process.'

2026-01-03

Translations: JA

Money Maze

Satellite Photo Captures 'B-A-N-A-N-A': Monkey Army Demands Royalties Paid in Bananas

The grand prize winner at an international contest turned out to be a satellite photo showing thousands of monkeys arranged in perfect formation spelling out 'B-A-N-A-N-A.' A lawyer claiming to represent the monkeys insists 'this is clearly an artwork' and demands 10 tons of premium bananas weekly as royalties. The satellite company is now urgently calculating the cost of airlifting fruit to the jungle.

2026-01-01

Translations: JA

Culture Kaleidoscope

Pension Crisis Solved by Tears? '24-Hour Crying Telethon' Set to Air, Celebrity Tear Ducts Move Markets

To rescue the nation's pension finances, the entertainment industry deploys its ultimate weapon. Popular actors cry for 24 hours straight while AI analyzes their tear volume in real-time to automatically manage pension funds. The host declares, 'Your idol's tears will support your retirement.' Ratings are strong, but the crucial pension assets are fluctuating wildly due to the market's capricious reactions.

2025-12-29

Translations: JA

Showbiz Pavilion

Town Loses Lawsuit Over 'World Cup Victory Parade Rights' as Hometown Tax Return Gift; Court Orders 'Judge Toss-Up Participation Tickets' as Substitute

A town that offered World Cup victory parade rights as a hometown tax return gift has lost its case. The presiding judge, rejecting the town's claim of providing a 'dream subscription service,' ordered that 'Judge Toss-Up Participation Tickets' be issued to all donors, stating 'Reality over dreams.' Note: Toss-ups are only available during lunch breaks on weekdays in the courthouse courtyard.

2025-12-26

Translations: JA

Money Maze

Seized 300-Yen Fan Discovered Capable of Forcing Entire Cabinet to Resign at Maximum Power

A bargain fan that went viral on e-commerce sites has been confiscated as a "weather weapon" threatening national security. Authorities confirmed its ability to generate localized cyclones at maximum power and rapidly lower atmospheric pressure around the National Diet Building. "Critical legislation could literally blow away," the Chief Cabinet Secretary warned.

2025-12-25

Translations: JA

Daily Surprise