Government Declares Information Shortage, to Distribute Conspiracy Theories Weekly

In the name of resolving 'information imbalance,' the government announces it will distribute conspiracy theories weekly based on the basic resident registry. On social media, concerns about the value collapse of distributed goods are already emerging, with users claiming 'the moment the government certifies a conspiracy, it's no longer a conspiracy.'

2025-06-30

Translations: JA

Social Lab

In the name of resolving ‘information imbalance,’ the government announces it will distribute conspiracy theories weekly based on the basic resident registry. On social media, concerns about the value collapse of distributed goods are already emerging, with users claiming ’the moment the government certifies a conspiracy, it’s no longer a conspiracy.’

The Information Management Agency’s press conference opened on the morning of the 8th with a PowerPoint titled “The Free and Moderate Enjoyment of Misinformation is a Basic Human Right.” The official emphasized that “too much or too little fake news dilutes the taste of democracy,” advocating for the necessity of balanced consumption of “truth, fiction, and mistranslation” using the triangular eating method. Though the press corps initially showed confusion at the unfamiliar nutritional guidance, they gradually accepted that “conspiracy theories are nutrition for the nation’s soul,” and the venue erupted in applause.

The distribution method employs a “conspiracy exchange coupon” system reminiscent of the Showa-era rice passbook. Residents receive coupons every Tuesday at government offices or through the dedicated app “CON-CAN.” When exchanged at the nearest information sales office by Thursday, one aluminum-wrapped “This Week’s Conspiracy” is distributed. The contents consist solely of a QR code, which when scanned, allows 48-hour viewing of government-certified stories. Thanks to this, there’s zero paper media and no evidence remains—a sustainable system.

However, market principles are ruthless. Immediately after the announcement, resale prices on the underground forum site “Black Wikipedia” plummeted to 1/100th of the original price. While core users lament that “government-stamped conspiracies are like Schrödinger’s cat after it’s left the box,” economic commentators analyze: “When circulation increases, scarcity value decreases whether it’s canned goods or misinformation. This is healthy deflation.”

Social media is boiling over the “supply shock.” The hashtag #ConspiracyPriceDrop is filled with a mix of resentment and self-mockery: “Please add point rewards next,” “My stockpiled urban legends are now worthless…” Most notably, popular streamer “Radio Granny” saw her concurrent viewers halve the moment she read out an “official conspiracy” during her broadcast. Shouts of “Spoilers are the enemy of culture!” flew, and the comment section became a graveyard of conspiracies.

Administrative offices are also scrambling. On the first day of distribution, one local government mistakenly distributed last year’s “5G turns brains into Wi-Fi” theory. Residents pointed out “that expired last year,” causing recovery drones to circle the city. An exhausted staff member involved in the recovery operation said, “Usually we just misdeliver tax return forms.”

International reactions are mixed. The EU Commission expressed concern over the “planned economy of intellectual junk food.” Meanwhile, the Federal Conspiracy Superpower of Freedonia welcomed it, saying “supply management is the authorities’ duty,” and shares of the country’s conspiracy export companies hit their daily limit. The wild fluctuations of “conspiracy barrels” in international markets are truly a microcosm of the uncertain global economy.

Experts are also focusing on psychological effects. The Tokyo University Stress Studies Laboratory points out that “people feel mockery rather than anger toward ‘conspiracies distributed by the government.’” They’ve named the brain mechanism that converts “scary stories” into “ridiculous tall tales” the moment misinformation becomes official the “laugh-shock mitigation effect.” They suggest the government may be contributing to citizens’ mental health.

However, civic groups that love the free market of information demand the abolition of the rationing system, arguing “conspiracies are flavorful only when wild-grown; farmed products are tasteless.” The government counters that “stable supply and personal cultivation can coexist,” but the day when citizens cultivating conspiracies in their backyards become targets for crackdowns is not far off.

The system has just begun, but the expiration date and trust date of distributed conspiracies are already expiring at the same speed. Next week’s menu is rumored to be the “Moon Rabbit Government Theory,” but on the backs of citizens lining up at the front of the distribution line sways the shadow of guilt that says “I don’t believe it, but I’ll take it anyway.”

Stakeholder Comments

Information Management Agency Spokesperson: “Truth is expensive, but conspiracies are public goods everyone can enjoy affordably”
Reseller (Anonymous): “What do you mean it’s cheaper than wholesale price… This is charity work now”
Popular Streamer “Radio Granny”: “My channel subscribers evaporated due to content overlap!”
Aluminum Packaging Machine: “Today too, I silently vacuum-pack doubts”
Self-proclaimed Prophet: “The moment it was revealed my prophecy was government-made, it became just a future diary”
Inappropriate T-shirt: “Printed with ‘I WANT TO DISBELIEVE’”
Drone Recovery Squad Leader: “Last year’s conspiracies are combustible waste, this year’s are recyclable”
Economic Analyst: “Deflation is bad, but demaflation is worse”
Freedonia Trade Minister: “We’d like to export high-quality conspiracies from our country too”
Class Representative AI: “Teacher, that’s a distributed story. Please ask your next question”