Leading Muscle Man Out, Protein Can Cast as Romantic Lead

New romance film faces shocking departure of muscle-bound lead actor. Producers claim 'protein-wise substitution possible,' hastily casting protein can as love interest. On-set 'romantic chemical reactions' with leading lady fuel tabloid frenzy.

2025-07-06

Translations: JA

Showbiz Pavilion

New romance film faces shocking departure of muscle-bound lead actor. Producers claim “protein-wise substitution possible,” hastily casting protein can as love interest. On-set “romantic chemical reactions” with leading lady fuel tabloid frenzy.

“We prioritized mixability over dialogue.” Bulk Dreams Productions proudly declared this to our reporters on the 7th. The reason for departure: “The actor failed to emotionally connect and couldn’t complete his bench press.” Muscles may betray, but powder never does—this was the deciding factor for the replacement.

On the first day of shooting, the 1.2kg metallic can arrived on set, its body reflecting lights with commanding presence. The assistant director remarked, “The can offers 360-degree best angles. Lighting costs are thirty percent cheaper than with humans.” Meanwhile, lead actress Viola Milkshake blushed during kissing scenes, describing “a new sensation of powder on my lips.” Whether romantic butterflies or whey foam, the cameras kept rolling without distinction.

Nutritionists warn “drinking three servings daily will fill bathrooms before the runtime ends.” Ignoring this, the food industry announced tie-ins. At preview screenings, shaker-shaped glow sticks waved as “oshi-can” support goods, while audiences bathed in gym-like citrulline aromas.

Hashtag #PowderLove hit 100 million views within 24 hours of release. International media headlined it “Love in the Time of Lactose,” praising cinema’s first “lactose warning subtitle screening.” Among viewers, relationship counselors report clients asking “is a more mixable relationship than my favorite actor acceptable?” as romantic protein-ification advances.

Film critic Panaia evaluates: “90s had rubber balls as partners, 2020s had AI, and now ‘25 has protein cans. It challenges audiences to question what they’ll love next.” Yet warns of “dangers in setting precedent that sprinkling powder makes masterpieces.” Screen nutritional value is being tested.

Box office predictions reach 30 billion mg opening week. Top gym chains plan “sit-up screenings” with dumbbell seating for exercise while viewing. By sweating through love’s weight, anyone can become a “metabolized heroine” after credits roll.

Stakeholder Comments

Protein Can (Lead): “I pledge to love fully until my expiration date”
Viola Milkshake (Actress): “His silence makes my diction shine”
Director Bulk: “Edit points? Spin the can and every frame is frontal”
Stunt Double: “Just shaking creates foam—there goes my scene”
Nutritionist Association President: “Love may be blind but read the nutrition facts”
Former Muscle Lead: “Losing to a can… I want to crush this shaker”
Theater Janitor: “Spilled powder makes floors slippery, giving me muscle aches”
Relationship Psychologist: “Human hearts choose protein with hunger”
Protein (Concept): “Finally feels like I’ve earned the starring role”
Dumbbell Seat (Equipment): “Gripped throughout screenings, I’m moved to tears (rust)”