Tag: Protein

Articles tagged with "Protein" (8 articles)

"Muscle Repair": Pressing Swollen Smartphones with Pectorals Leads to Liquid Damage Tragedy

"Muscle Repair": Pressing Swollen Smartphones with Pectorals Leads to Liquid Damage Tragedy

A surge in unofficial "Muscle Repair" is occurring, where smartphones with detached screens are fixed by clamping them between well-trained pectoral muscles. This craftsmanship uses pressure exceeding a vise to perfectly close gaps, with protein powder kneaded in as a substitute for adhesive. While the finish looks brand new, taking it to an official store results in a liquid damage verdict due to "macho sweat," permanently voiding the warranty.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
'Protein Is Prescription Medicine' — Tax Office Rejects Deductions, Furious Bodybuilders Blockade Counter with Silent 'Side Chest' Pose

'Protein Is Prescription Medicine' — Tax Office Rejects Deductions, Furious Bodybuilders Blockade Counter with Silent 'Side Chest' Pose

'Protein is medicine for the soul.' At tax return counters across Japan, men clutch fistfuls of receipts. The tax office has rejected every single medical expense deduction claim, ruling that 'excessive muscle hypertrophy falls outside medical treatment.' Enraged bodybuilders have surrounded counters nationwide, launching a silent 'Side Chest' protest. Staff are in tears, saying 'it's not the intimidation that's unbearable — it's the baby oil smell.'

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
Protein Thief Identified by DNA Test as 'Himself.' Fear of Muscle Breakdown Drove Unconscious Late-Night Shakes

Protein Thief Identified by DNA Test as 'Himself.' Fear of Muscle Breakdown Drove Unconscious Late-Night Shakes

'Someone keeps stealing my powder.' After a furious bodybuilder's complaint, the gym ran a DNA test on his shaker — and the saliva belonged entirely to the victim himself. His terror of overnight muscle catabolism was so extreme that even while his brain slept, his muscles rose on their own to mix and chug protein in the dead of night. A fingerprint-locked protein vault is now flying off the shelves to prevent this 'muscular mutiny.'

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
"Lifting Speed Too Fast to Feel the Burn" — Stranded Bodybuilder Complains to Rescue Crew

"Lifting Speed Too Fast to Feel the Burn" — Stranded Bodybuilder Complains to Rescue Crew

After drifting for 48 hours, the man became enraged during helicopter hoist extraction, screaming that "the load is dropping off." He attempted to reverse-climb the wire back toward the ocean surface, delaying his rescue by 30 minutes. "Compared to the terror of catabolism, sharks are merely cardio partners," he stated. He is currently in custody, refusing to speak about anything except protein.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena
'Natural Protein Only' - Muscular Salmon Swimming Upstream Signs Shocking Deal with Major Supplement Company

'Natural Protein Only' - Muscular Salmon Swimming Upstream Signs Shocking Deal with Major Supplement Company

A single salmon that went viral for jumping over waterfalls has signed an unprecedented sponsorship deal with a major protein manufacturer. Its form conquering rapids with back muscles that defy fluid dynamics has driven human gym-goers to despair. 'What was all our pumping for?' they cry, as people nationwide are throwing down their protein shakers in gyms.

Translations: JA
Muscle Arena