Government Begins Taxing 'Shade', Market in Chaos with 'Tree Shade Quality Certification' System

In response to the heat wave, the government has introduced a 'shade tax' as a new revenue source. Certified appraisers patrol residential gardens with photometers, grading shadows as 'Premium Oak' or 'Standard Maple'. Unregulated 'weed shadows' are already circulating on the black market, making tax-evading shade a social issue.

2025-09-05

Translations: JA

Money Maze

Government Begins Taxing 'Shade', Market in Chaos with 'Tree Shade Quality Certification' System

In response to the heat wave, the government has introduced a ‘shade tax’ as a new revenue source. Certified appraisers patrol residential gardens with photometers, grading shadows as ‘Premium Oak’ or ‘Standard Maple’. Unregulated ‘weed shadows’ are already circulating on the black market, making tax-evading shade a social issue.

On the 29th, amidst record-breaking heat waves threatening citizens’ lives, the Cabinet approved the introduction of the “Shade Tax” (colloquially known as the “Shadow Tax”) as a new revenue-securing measure. This groundbreaking system taxes not only land and buildings but also the quality and area of shadows cast upon them. Experts are expressing astonishment, saying “Even space itself has finally become taxable.”

At the core of the new system is the “Tree Shade Quality Certification” scheme conducted by nationally certified “Licensed Shade Appraisers.” Dressed in pristine white uniforms and armed with photometers and protractors, these appraisers visit homes to comprehensively evaluate shadow intensity (in lux), duration, aesthetic form, and even emotional value such as “cooling sensation.” They assign grades like “Premium Oak,” “Superior Zelkova,” and “Standard Maple.” Tax amounts are calculated based on these grades and the area covered by the shadows.

A Ministry of Environment official proudly states, “This is not merely a tax increase. Our goal is to provide citizens with high-quality shade—what we call ‘Cool Well-being.’ This is a fair system based on the beneficiary-pays principle.” The government announced plans to focus on training appraisers, expecting to create 10,000 jobs within three years.

However, the market has already plunged into chaos just days after the system’s launch. Shadows from plants deemed “non-standard” during appraisal, such as houttuynia and goldenrod—colloquially called “weed shade”—are being traded on the black market as “tax-evading shade.” Reports describe brokers operating in the shadows (pun intended), with “dark shade” planted in mobile flowerpots being shuffled around residential neighborhoods.

Professor Kageyama from the Economics Department at Toto University notes, “The government likely tried to incorporate the external economic benefits of shade into the tax base, but this is far too avant-garde. They underestimated the fluidity of shadows.” He adds with a half-exasperated expression, “Shadow smuggling reminds me of the black market rice of yesteryear. This ironic structure of administration creating new darkness deserves a place in history textbooks.”

Citizens are bewildered. A 45-year-old housewife in Tokyo sighs, “I was shocked when they even measured the shadow of my balcony morning glories. Will I now have to be careful about where I hang my laundry?” Meanwhile, some DIY enthusiasts have reportedly begun researching ways to artificially create lower-taxed “Standard” class shadows.

There’s speculation that the government is considering expanding taxation to include shadows from high-rise buildings and even fleeting shadows cast by contrails. The ancient pleasure of “looking up at the sky to cool off” may soon become an expensive luxury. The myth that everyone is equal under the sun is now crumbling before our eyes.

Stakeholder Comments

Government Official: “Our nation is a shadow resource superpower. We can’t afford not to leverage this potential. We’re promoting Shadow DX.”
Licensed Shade Appraiser (First Class): “This oak shadow… such a magnificent gradient. Truly premium grade. I take pride in my work.”
Professor Kageyama (Economist): “The moment you put a price on shadow, it ceases to be just a shadow. That’s the terror of market principles.”
Dark Shade Broker: “Hey buddy, got some good weed shadow coming in. Low-flying type that can dodge the tax office drones.”
Residential Zelkova Tree: “It seems humans have arbitrarily put a price on the coolness I’ve been providing for free all these years. I feel a bit sad.”
The Sun: “The shadows exist because of my light… Well, do as you please.”
Shadow: “I never knew I had value. From now on, I’ll live sharper and darker.”
Tokyo Housewife: “When my child was playing ‘shadow tag,’ an appraiser scolded them saying ‘You’re depreciating the asset value!’”
DIY Enthusiast: “I successfully created a ‘Standard Maple-grade’ shadow using cardboard and black spray paint. This will get me through summer.”
Crow: “I thought there were oddly good shadows lately. So it’s the humans’ doing. Caw.”

International Expressions

Haiku

Blazing hot sun / Even shadows now have prices / Summer has arrived
Tax official / Measures filtered sunlight in / The summer garden
Black market stirs / With cheap weed shadows swaying / Bargain darkness sells
Cooling in shade / I wonder what the price is / Looking at the sky
The rating shows / Premium grade certified / Our family tree
Playing shadow tag / Now called asset destruction / So they tell me
Heat shimmer waves / Waiting for the tax notice / In the tree’s shadow
The photometer / Beeps and the tax rate rises / Under summer sun
Seeking shadows / For tax evasion purposes / Chasing western sun
Summer ending / Cicadas sing questioning / The value of shade

Kanji / Chinese Characters

猛暑受政府新財源日陰税導入公認鑑定士光度計片手各家庭庭巡回特級並等格付開始認定外雑草影闇市流通脱税影社会問題化

Emoji

☀️🥵🌳👥→🧐📏🧾→💰😭🏡→🌿😎🤝😎(🌃)

Onomatopoeia

Sizzle, sizzle, glare, glare… Rustle, rustle, whisper, whisper… Beep, beep, click. Hush, hush, sneak, sneak. Phew, sigh… Murmur, murmur, chatter, chatter.