Mystery Object in Orbit Identified as Lost Government Cabinet from the 80s. Government: 'It's a Piggy Bank for the Future'

The mysterious periodic signal that has puzzled astronomers for years has been identified as a rolling approval seal (hanko) waiting for authorization inside a government cabinet orbiting the Earth. The government explained it as 'a grand experimental demonstration for future administrative efficiency. We were observing the stagnation of approval processes through the way the seals roll.'

2025-09-10

Translations: JA

Social Lab

Mystery Object in Orbit Identified as Lost Government Cabinet from the 80s. Government: 'It's a Piggy Bank for the Future'

The mysterious periodic signal that has puzzled astronomers for years has been identified as a rolling approval seal (hanko) waiting for authorization inside a government cabinet orbiting the Earth. The government explained it as “a grand experimental demonstration for future administrative efficiency. We were observing the stagnation of approval processes through the way the seals roll.”

The International Space Agency (ISA) and Japan’s Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) joint team announced on the 25th that they had identified the unidentified object “UMA-198X” confirmed in low Earth orbit. According to high-resolution telescope observations and spectral analysis, the object is a steel office cabinet widely used in Japan during the 1980s, with a faint old “Ministry of Internal Affairs” seal visible on its surface.

Following this announcement, the government held an emergency press conference that evening. Chief Cabinet Secretary Saito took the podium with a solemn expression, explaining that “the object in question was launched as part of the ‘Investigation on Approval Process Optimization in Spatiotemporal Continuity,’ codenamed ‘Project Eternity,’ which was conducted in secret at the time.” He strongly denied that the cabinet was “a time capsule and observation device looking toward future administration” and that it was “definitely not illegal dumping of bulky waste.”

According to the Secretary, the purpose of this “grand experiment” was to observe when and at what angle multiple seals floating inside the cabinet in zero gravity would collide with the walls. Ultra-small sensors installed inside transmitted collision sounds as weak signals. By analyzing these irregular rhythms, it was an avant-garde attempt to quantify as a physical model “how many departments approval documents are passed around and how prone the approval process is to stagnation.”

Some raised tough questions about why the cabinet had been left abandoned for over 40 years, but the Secretary skillfully deflected, saying “Long-term data collection is the essence of this experiment. Rather, we should be grateful that it has maintained a stable orbit and continued sending observation data until today.” The “experimental results” are expected to be utilized in AI decision-making models for the government’s current administrative DX (Digital Transformation) initiatives.

Opposition parties erupted with criticism, saying “There’s a limit to mocking the citizens. This isn’t a grand experiment; it’s a grand excuse.” Meanwhile, online reactions mixed disbelief with empathy, with comments like “Seals waiting for approval in space is too Japanese, it brings tears to my eyes” and “I want to put our company’s approval documents in that cabinet too.”

Professor Tanaka from Tokyo Metropolitan University’s Department of Astrophysics commented with what could be taken as either sarcasm or sincerity: “It remains an extremely dangerous piece of space debris. However, considering that the inertia of bureaucracy is orbiting space following physical laws, it’s hard to find debris more poetic than this.”

The government plans to preserve this cabinet in orbit as “Administrative Heritage No. 1.” When you look up at the night sky, somewhere among the countless stars, the sound of seals waiting for approval still resonates. It’s a quiet, seemingly eternal lullaby of bureaucracy, played by our tax money.

Stakeholder Comments

Mr. Cabinet in Orbit: “I’ve been locked for 40 years. I’d like to see some new scenery soon. Actually, please just open me.”
Mr. Approval-Waiting Seal: “Knock… knock… Is it ready yet? I’ve forgotten whose seal I even am.”
Chief Cabinet Secretary Saito: “This is an investment in the future. We ask for the citizens’ understanding and romance when looking up at the night sky.”
Former bureaucrat from the 80s (anonymous): “Oh, that thing. I remember stuffing a bunch of unnecessary documents and sending them up during the launch commotion… never mind.”
Astronomer: “I’m relieved the long-standing mystery is solved, but at the same time, I’m dizzy from humanity’s foolishness.”
JAXA Staff: “The budget application for debris removal is in exactly the same situation as that cabinet right now.”
Taxpayer A: “So my taxes have been rolling around up there…”
AI (Administrative DX Division): “RECEIVING INCOMPREHENSIBLE SIGNAL. MEANINGLESS. ILLOGICAL. ERROR.”
Space Debris (Senior): “New guy, huh? Nobody cares about job titles here. We’re all equally garbage.”
Opposition Lawmaker: “We’ll retrieve that cabinet and question its contents in the Diet! …How exactly?”