Grandma's Spicy Ohagi Causes Illegal Muscle Growth; Bodybuilding World Trembles as Sweet Shop Owner Becomes Wanted 'Muscle Trafficker'

All top finishers at the National Bodybuilding Championship disqualified. Unknown compounds from a local sweet shop's 'Spicy Protein Ohagi' detected in their muscles. The 82-year-old shop owner stated, 'I just added extra spices thinking my grandson would enjoy it.' The committee is now investigating the ohagi confiscation and the elderly woman's connections with full force.

2025-09-30

Translations: JA

Muscle Arena

Grandma's Spicy Ohagi Causes Illegal Muscle Growth; Bodybuilding World Trembles as Sweet Shop Owner Becomes Wanted 'Muscle Trafficker'

All top finishers at the National Bodybuilding Championship disqualified. Unknown compounds from a local sweet shop’s “Spicy Protein Ohagi” detected in their muscles. The 82-year-old shop owner stated, “I just added extra spices thinking my grandson would enjoy it.” The committee is now investigating the ohagi confiscation and the elderly woman’s connections with full force.

The festival of muscles turned into a nightmare. The award podium at last weekend’s National Bodybuilding Championship was enveloped in an eerie silence. An unprecedented situation unfolded as all top finishers tested positive for doping and had their medals stripped. However, what was detected in the athletes’ steel-like bodies was neither any known muscle enhancer nor steroids. It was an unknown muscle hypertrophy-promoting alkaloid, tentatively named “Mochin,” formed from a compound of glutinous rice and various spices.

The Japan Anti-Doping Agency (JADA) rushed to identify the components using state-of-the-art mass spectrometers. Through interviews with related parties, it was discovered that all disqualified athletes were regular customers of a wagashi shop called “Grandma’s Sweet Shop” standing in a lonely shopping district in a certain town. Their target was the off-menu item known only to those in the know: “Spicy Protein Ohagi.” Taking the matter seriously, the agency immediately launched a forced investigation of the shop. Bags of chili peppers piled up in the store and a pot of suspiciously red-glowing bean paste were confiscated.

The shop owner, Mrs. Tome Suzuki (82), who runs the store, responded to investigators’ questions with, “Young folks these days don’t seem satisfied with just sweetness. I just mixed in some protein and added a bit of chili peppers from around the world.” When asked about her motive, she tearfully said, “My grandson does bodybuilding. I just wanted him to get a little bigger.” She had absolutely no awareness of illegally trafficking muscles, and the investigation headquarters is carefully examining her background, viewing this as runaway good intentions.

This “Ohagi Doping Incident” has sent ripples through various sectors. Professor Soichi Yanagida, an authority on traditional Japanese food culture research, defended it saying, “This is the wisdom of food culture. Since ancient times, mochi gives strength and spices invigorate body and mind. Science just hasn’t caught up with tradition.” Meanwhile, sports pharmacology experts strongly warn, “We shouldn’t underestimate the danger of naturally-derived ingredients. This is essentially organic doping that hacks metabolic pathways.”

To resolve the situation, the Japan Bodybuilding Federation convened an emergency board meeting. The discussion on whether “ohagi should be added to the prohibited substances list” went on until late at night. The debate reportedly went off track with questions like “Is anko safe, what about kinako?” and “What about differences in chili pepper varieties?” Without reaching a conclusion, the federation issued an unusual statement asking wagashi craftsmen nationwide to “refrain from using spices for the purpose of excessive encouragement of athletes.”

Mrs. Suzuki’s whereabouts have been unknown since the media reported her as the “Godmother of Muscle Trafficking,” and police are pursuing her as an important person of interest. Regular customers continue to voice support: “Mrs. Tome is the mother of our muscles” and “Without her ohagi, I wouldn’t be who I am today.”

Was it born from the thirst for victory, or from an old woman’s love? It’s ironic that the answer to the ultimate physical beauty we’ve been pursuing was in a sweet and spicy treat from a sweet shop in a corner of a shopping district. Japan’s bodybuilding world is now facing a trial as sweet as red bean paste and as spicy as chili peppers.

Stakeholder Comments

Disqualified Athlete: “That chewy texture and the explosive spiciness that comes after was perfect for finishing training. I want to eat it again…”
Mrs. Tome Suzuki (Wanted): “Oh my, it’s nothing that special. Love is the best spice, you know. Is everyone eating properly?”
Doping Inspector: “Our liquid chromatography nearly got clogged with bean paste particles. This is the first time our analytical equipment’s limits were tested.”
Ohagi: “I just wanted to be eaten deliciously… Being noticed like this is tough… literally spicy.”
Muscle: “We were just following orders! The ohagi was screaming ‘Get bigger!’”
Rival Athlete: “I want back all my effort eating chicken breast and broccoli with tears. Building muscle with ohagi isn’t fair.”
National Wagashi Association President: “Absolutely unacceptable. Ohagi is a symbol of peace that brings smiles to people. It’s never a weapon for muscles.”
Capsaicin (Chili Pepper Component): “Finally the era has noticed my potential. This isn’t even my final form.”
Mrs. Suzuki’s Grandson: “Grandma, what I wanted wasn’t protein, but just regular pocket money…”
Sports Ethics Scholar: “This is a collision point between traditional food culture and modern sports ethics. I’d like to name it ‘Motivation Doping’ and establish it as a new field of research.”

International Expressions

Haiku

Mochi consumed / Power overflowing / Autumn’s dusk
Red bean paste / Sweat and tears of / Doping case
Granny’s love / At the end of spice / Muscle growth
Suspicious scent / Courtroom shaken by / Chili pepper
Backstage now / Sweet temptation of / Forbidden sweets
Inspector sighs / Gives up his spoon to / Sticky bean paste
Body of steel / Nurtured by nothing but / Rice and love
Want to win? / Grandma whispers soft / With extra spice
Rule book runs out / Of ink at the page / About ohagi
Wanted poster / Flutters in the wind of / Shopping arcade

Kanji / Chinese Characters

全国選手権上位入賞者全員失格筋肉未知成分検出近所和菓子屋激辛餅由来店主老婆孫喜多量香辛料供述委員会押収背後関係全力調査中

Emoji

👵🌶️🍙➡️💪🏆➡️❌👮‍♂️⁉️

Onomatopoeia

Munch munch… Hee hee! Bulk bulk! Flash! (Positive test) Murmur murmur… Crash! (House search) Droop… (Athletes) Oh my, tee hee (Grandma) Huff puff! (Committee)